Hi everybody Long story short I have been curious for quite some time but have been living a straight "jocky" lifestyle. I had a couple of sexual encounters with guys when I was smashed (and they were fumbled and blurry to say the least )but really wasn't sure what the hell it was I was feeling. I decided to go online and see if I could find someone that I might share an experience with. I got this guys number but never called him or met him. two months later I'd had enough contemplating so I rang him and went to his house. The guy was kind enough to rig cameras up and he filmed me in the act of..... The guy somehow ended up getting the video to someone who knew me and the rest is history. Some guys who never liked me got hold of it and edited loads of different versions and spread them around. My family all found out before I could even get a chance to be honest with them. I was so scared and felt that I couldnt talk to anyone and moved away from my home town. I have since lost all contact with everyone I held dear and who held me in high regard. I've been sooo scared and hurt and have felt trapped and that everyday was:bang: a struggle not to do something silly. Ive set up my own company and I'm trying my best to move on but it's constantly there and hanging over me. I know that its probably karma for me being arrogant and dishonest but was I really expected to come out when I didn't know for sure I was bi? and that I'm slowly coming to terms with it(the fact that I'm writing this is I hope, a step in the right direction) Was what happened illegal and is it commonplace? Any comments /advice or virtual hugs are welcome x
First of all, this is not your fault, or karma. That was completely illegal and personally if you can prove that he filmed you and without your consent and everyone already knows, you can rightfully file charges. Especially after similar situation such as this, where the victims commited suicide, the court will usually take these situations more seriously because they would rather not have the victim run to the press for injustice :/. Now I'm not saying that you have to tell the police, just that you can. I'm sorry you had to go through this and that your simple expirimentation had to end up negatively. Though, I wouldnt say its any less common than men who find women online and videotape them hiddenly. Its always risky when meeting people from online for any reason, especially sexual. I guess it can be looked at as a learning experience, I just hope that it wont be the reason that you would descide not to figure out you confusion in the future.
Hi, welcome to Empty Closets! That's completely horrible! I'm sort of mystified as to why the guy would do that--what's the motivation? Was he mad that you blew him off for so long? Didn't he have to be in the video himself, too? You may have jumped the gun, in terms of cutting contact with everyone. It's unlikely that everyone would reject you, people usually have varying reactions. Did your family cut you off, or did you preemptively stop speaking to them as well? Since you've moved, you might want to connect to the gay community in your new area. (By joining an activity or something, not by meeting random dudes off the internet.) That's probably the best way to build a support structure for yourself.
Hi, and welcome to EC. First, the experiences you've had are in no way representative of what a typical gay relationship or experience should be like. Unfortunately, there are a lot of creeps and assholes, and you're more likely to find those from people you meet at clubs, bars or online hookup sites... so if you avoid those sorts of places, you're more likely to find quality people Secondly, if you're in the US, the laws surrounding the dissemination of pornography (which, presumably, the video you're describing would qualify as) are very strict, and anyone hosting or displaying content in violation of those laws can be subject to severe jail time. One of the requirements is that the producer of the video must have a copy of age verification documents (drivers license, passport) of anyone appearing in them. So if the videos are posted anywhere, you can immediately get them removed simply by notifying whomever is hosting them that they were shot illegally and without appropriate recordkeeping. This isn't something that any ISP wants to mess with so it's pretty much they'll remove the files instantly. Third, if you know the identity of the person who did this, or their address, I would file a police report, as recording someone without their permission is serious business and under most circumstances, filming sexually explicit content illicitly would be a felony. Fourth, if this happened when you were under 18, there's another whole layer of laws that get involved that are really serious, and anyone having possession of the videos for any purpose is in serious legal trouble. So if you could plausibly claim you were under age when the content was shot, and let anyone who has copies know... anyone with an ounce of sense would destroy all copies immediately. Now... all of that said, it sounds like you're basically in a new situation now. Assuming you've come to terms with yourself in terms of your sexual identity, the next step is to start to be open about that with your friends and associates in your new community. And I would also make contact with your family, as they are undoubtedly upset and concerned if you've simply disappeared out of their lives. You can do it on your own terms... maybe email only, or letters, or something that controls when and how you communicate... but I think you'd be surprised how accepting people will be. My last thought is this: These days, having appeared in sexually explicit content is not a very big deal in most quarters. It might be a problem if you're planning to be a teacher, or go into the ministry, or something of that nature, but in most other circumstances, nobody gives much of a shit any more. Everyone watches porn, everybody knows that everybody watches porn, and so having been in a porn video (particularly one where you didn't know what was going on), most people will give you a pass on it. I wouldn't jump to tell everyone you meet at the first chance you get, but I wouldn't be particularly embarrassed about it either. I would definitely tell a prospective boyfriend before you got too serious, just on the off chance they might stumble across it. If there are locations (tube sites or whatever) where the videos are displayed and you want help getting them removed, send me a PM and I can send you the necessary info you need to provide to the tube sites to get the content removed. And lastly... this too shall pass. You'll find the love of your life, get settled, and it won't be a bother to you at all. It might seem like the end of the world now, but honestly, eventually nobody will give a crap.
