:***:... Well, I've finally settled it. After years and years of self-doubt depression and etc... I've found it... I have a confirmed case of bisexual-itus. F***... I don't know why it's hitting me so hard, but it just is. I think it's mostly that, it's always been kind of a joke in the back of my mind, just that now, I know it's not. I can say it, I'm physically and emotionally attracted to both sexes. So why does that bother me so much? I mean, come on, I'm just bi, who cares, right? Why am I taking it like I just discovered I have cancer? I have NOTHING against LGBT people, don't get me wrong, I'm as liberal as can be, it's just that... I just think that now I'll be made fun of for the rest of my life if I come out. I don't think I could willingly make myself a "second-class citizen", if you will. I mean, what if I just don't date guys? Right? Problem solved? Nope. So what do I do? Bite the bullet, come out, and hope for the best? I know this is sounding like a dramatic exaggeration as 75% of you have it WAY worse than I do, but I just don't know what to do. I live in a very right-wing super religious nutjob racist homophobic state/neighborhood/family/friendgroup... #fml... I just don't know what to do. I mean my family isn't going to disown me or anything, I'll just be the fuck up of the family, you know? They'll always look down on me, and I know I won't get any money from my parents. My friends will be extremely awkward around me until I just inevitably lose them. I'll be the "fag" of this small extremely conservative hateful town. fml... Any help at all would be appecriated. This is just a rant I guess. Just all my life I've *known* that I was bisexual, pretty much ever since kidnergarten, I've just never acted upon it. I thought it was silly til I just went real with myself, and it all came together. I'm bisexual. That's it.
First of all, coming to this realization and certainty is awesome - don't sell yourself short on that. As far as your environment - you won't be made fun of for the rest of my life, and you don't have to be treated like a second class citizen. It looks like you're 16, so you have at least a couple years left of living at home, but once you're out on your own (whether at college or otherwise) things will really change. I hate to ask, but how do you know your family and friends will react poorly? I'm sure that you've gotten some clear indications along the way, but I'm just wondering what they are. I ask because I've always found it difficult to predict people's reactions - my dad used to have conversations with me about how he thought gay marriage was wrong, but since I came out to him, not only has that stopped, we actually had a conversation about the ancient Spartans and homosexuality in society (this while we were refinishing the deck at his house - very manly). And fyi, I come from a VERY small town. In any case, celebrate your realization! Coming out is a whole other step - for now you've made a real breakthrough.
Well, exactly like you said. Discussions about LGBT things, and their reactions, and just their overall feeling toward people. But that is great how people can change, it's just, well let's be honest, your case was very lucky =(
Hmm...was it, necessarily? How do you know? And just to fill in the gaps, this is 5 years after I came out to him - it's not as if he jumped to that point right away. I think playing a lot of catch and watching a lot of baseball with him helped. :lol: What, specifically, do your family and friends say, though? I'm just wondering to get a better idea of where they might stand - not trying to undercut your view of them. Basically, what I'm getting at is to give them a chance - assuming that there's not a giant wall of evidence about what their reaction will be already.
It's not, HUGE. It's just say, there's a really flambouyant guy talking on the phone walking down the street, and we walk by. My dad would be like "Wow did you see that fag?". Say there's some ad about some politician on gay rights. "Why would we waste time on this..." Anytime any male member of the family does anything quote "gay" : "Stop it, you're embarrassing yourself you look like a fruit" etc...
I won't go into a long-winded explanation unless you're actually interested, but there's a psychological phenomenon called cognitive dissonance that applies here. Basically what it says is we want our actions to match our feelings, and if they don't, we need to change one or the other so they do match. So if your family says they don't like LGBT but have clearly shown they care for you over all these years, it's much more likely that their actions have deeper investment than those feelings, so they'll change their views on LGBT. I'm not gonna say it happens in every case, but it's not nearly as uncommon as you think. You'd be surprised how people can change when loved ones are involved.
Budder's right. In my area (Philly suburbs), it's a commonly noted of anti-gay politicians that they believe "being gay is wrong until their kid is gay." Dick Cheney would be a good example - his daughter, who is gay, just got married, and she hasn't been booted from the family. On the other hand, your family may take solace in the fact that you're bi, and will keep pushing for you to find a girl instead of a guy...which will only be worse if the right guy comes along. However, this does mean that they may accept you much more easily at first, and you can move things along slowly as you see fit. Good luck!
hi, i would just be honest with your parents. at least then you know you have nothing to hide from them. i think if you keep it to yourself it will only make you resent your parents and it will create a void between you. if you tell them, ball's in their court. i'm sure after the initial shock they will learn to accept who you are.
Ya know I thought the exact same thing, but to be honest I actually get treated better since I came out ...people tell me I have more personality and am more fun to be around now...even at school and work I swear I'm getting picked for leadership positions just because I'm gay...so I got the exact opposite effect of being a second class citizen....well as far as most people are concerened...the government makes me feel like one sometimes.
