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How do i know when i should make an effort to talk my crush?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by heygirl128, Jul 26, 2012.

  1. heygirl128

    heygirl128 Guest

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I hate not knowing whether to be the one to make the first effort to text or talk to the person i like, or if i should just let things be and see when i see her next time. Part of me wants to make the first effort so to remind them that i havent forgot about them, but at the same time i say to myself, if they really wanted to talk to me then they would text me. But then i think that what if they are thinking the same thing about me? I dont want to look annoying or vulnerable and sometimes i worry if i text them first that i will look annoying. It is also hard since this person is very flirty to me at times, and other times is very nervous and shy and avoids me. ( i think part of that is because they are in denial or the closet about being a lesbian). She knows i am a lesbian and acted very shy to me from the start ( i am very girly looking though). Me and this girl have hooked up before (and she made all the moves on me, told this guy how i was so beautiful and all this stuff. she was holding my hand all night, kissing me, making out, her arm around my waist acting as if she was my girlfriend, U get the idea.) long story short but she avoided me like the plague for over a year after the night we hooked up, but now she is back in my life now. She obviously hasnt accepted that she is gay yet but When i see her in person, at times she acts awkward shy and avoidy , and other times (usually when nobody is around) she ran up to me picked me up and gave me this huge hug almost knocking me to the ground! totally surprising me. Those are just some examples. We are both in college by the way. Also, in the 3 years that i have known her, she has never had a boyfriend. When she avoids me or acts awkward or shy in person or even RUNS AWAY, it makes me think she hates my guts, but i obviously know she doesnt because then she would never be warm to me and flirty. right? And when she is warm and VERY flirty, it makes me think i should make more of an effort. The reason i think she doesnt text me first is because she is trying not to have feelings for me? what do you think? I just dont know what to do. But yeah any advice would help. ? thanks :icon_bigg
     
  2. Aielar

    Full Member

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    I think it would be a good idea for you to let her know how you feel when she acts just one way when it's just you and her, and acts a completely different way around everyone else. Don't be confrontational about it, though. Something like 'I'm confused when you are warm or flirty when it's just us, and nervous/shy when other people are around.' Or something else with that effect. Might want to stress the fact that if she's confused, you're around to support/listen/whatever she needs.

    From the sounds of it, it's clear there's a very good chance she hasn't accepted herself yet, which is fine since everyone gets there in their own time. But because of that, I think you might want to consider if you would be comfortable having a relationship with someone who is in the closet. From things I've read on EC, those kind of relationships can be difficult/challenging for the person who's out of the closet, since they have no problem showing affection to their boyfriend/girlfriend in public while the closeted person does.

    As for the matter of sending her a text message or not...that's your call. I don't think sending one text message is annoying/vulnerable, and if she doesn't reply to the text, well then just wait for her to establish contact, if you do decide to be the first one to send her a text. Hope this helps, I'm not the most eloquent person in the world so if clarification is necessary just let me know :slight_smile:
     
  3. RueBea85

    RueBea85 Guest

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    I'm Canadian eh?
    I think that you should send her a text or two to see how she is doing. Sometimes people get really busy, want to contact others but it doesn't really cross their minds.

    You should try to let her know how you feel about her, she may have the same feelings but it just sounds like she's not comfortable with her own feelings yet. It can't hurt to take that chance!