EDIT: Just realized I posted this in the wrong thread. Could a mod move this to S&A? Thanks a bunch. I'm ever so slowly falling head over heels for a girl. And by ever so slowly, I mean really fast and really hard. Nobody here can really deny what I feel, as I'm the only one who knows for sure, but I'm 99% sure what I feel is that of a major crush. She's all I think about. She's all I want. If there was sexual attraction (which I assure you, there is NONE) I probably would have found my soulmate. I know those are heavy words, but... That's how I feel. Which is why my heart feels like it's breaking, because I want nothing more than to be with her. But since I'm not sexually attracted to her, I can't very well have a relationship with her, which is sad but true. I know that some people think there's a difference between romantic and sexual attractions, and there very well may be, but I know our relationship couldn't last because I have no desire to go further than hugs and kisses with her. And to perhaps make it harder on me, I've managed to snag the attention of a boy who I might be going on a date with. I almost feel like this is a reverse pre-coming out - forcing myself to date a boy even though my feelings are towards a girl. But not just any girl... It's this girl. I want to cry. No, I am crying. This is hard, and it sucks. How can I get rid of these feelings? I see her and I just want to spend the rest of my life with her... She's so beautiful, inside and out. King x.
I'm kind of confused.. you say that you see her and want to spend the rest of your life with her yet you also ask how to get rid of those feelings? I mean, I get that it'd be a pretty dramatic realization. It kind of seems like to me that you're going into a straight closet.. if that makes sense. You had said that you were planning on going on a date with this guy even though you said you liked this girl.. inverse it and I guess you'll get what I'm trying to say. Also, would it really be that bad of a thing to like her?
There are people who make mixed orientation relationships work, but it's hard. I've recently started identifying as bi/panromantic after meeting a girl I was very interested in romantically, though I had no sexual desire for her (it didn't work out, but oh well). In any case, had she been willing, I would have happily been her boyfriend.
I had a similar situation for the past 5 years. I was so head over hills for her, that I never even cared to look at anyone else. She was metaphoricly the center of my world. Not only that, she was the first person I actually had any intrest in and I have never had any intrest in any girls after her. Now that I came out of the closet to myself I'm finding myself looking at things I tried really hard to ignore earlier.
Yes, because it breaks my heart every time I see her (which is quite often, until September) because I know I can't/won't date her. Also, I don't see making this relationship work. I just want to know how to get rid of these feelings, because she essentially feels the same towards me - she has a gigantic crush on me and it sucks a lot. Thanks for any advice. King x.
Who said a relationship had to be sexual? Be friends! Yeah, it's kinda cheesy, but in all seriousness, friendship is much more important than anything else (I rely on my friends for support far more than I rely on my parents). There's nothing wrong with being very attached to someone you're not sexually attracted to. A lot of straight guys I know form what they call "bromances," and I'm sure it applies in your case too.
Oh for sure, I had every intention of keeping our friendship alive - she's one the best people I've honestly ever met. I don't know. I'm just stuck and I hate this feeling.
Well, if you really want to get rid of those feelings, just do one of these to things. You can either lie to yourself about you liking her and actually believe it (if you tell yourself it's true and actually believe it enough times, then it'll start to sink in as the truth. It works for me occasionally), or tell her that you can't be with her. Easier said than done, though, I suppose..
Love triangle time! I learned this way back in Gr12 religion, and then again last week, and I honestly love it. When people say "I love ..." it has a whole ton of different meanings. This just kinda helps illustrate it. So I second what others said in that you don't have to be in a sexual relationship with her (because I doubt it'd work, like you seem to know), but you can still be really good friends. You can love her like a friend. I don't know, you can sort out what you make of your relationship after. I think what's most important is you need to make it clear to her (if she doesn't already know) that you can't be in a sexual/romantic relationship for her. No sense in leading her on any longer than you have to. I'm guessing you've lurked around here enough that you know the trinity for getting over crushes is time/distance/someone else. Since you're gonna see her often... you both need to just find someone else to set your sights on. You can wait for it to pass, but it'll be long and painful. And hey, you can still love her... just like a best friend, or a sister or something.
Thank you. It's just really hard. I was hesitant to post this, and I'm kind of embarrassed to talk about it, but I don't know. I'm just soooooo confused.
^ understandable. I meant to add, I think part of the benefit of making it clear sooner rather than later that nothing will come of this (I mean actually verbalizing it to her) is that not only does anyone get led on, but it might also help the "end" of this potential-yet-never-gonna-happen relationship to sink in faster. And hopefully, once that step of "there is no more relationship" is over, you guys can move on an little easier. (and still be friends, of course)
