First post, so here goes... I'm 23, about to turn 24, and I'm at a point where I feel like my life is slipping by. I had a few boyfriends in high school/university, but never felt a real connection to any of them. Looking back it's easy to see the pattern- I didn't want a boyfriend, but started to feel pressure if it had been a long time and friends/family were asking about it. So I would start dating someone who seemed safe, until it became clear that they were far more invested in the relationship than I was. Then I would start to feel so awful that I was stringing them along, and break things off. I've still never been in a "real relationship"- I see other people together and I wonder why I can't seem to feel that way. I'm pretty sure that I'm gay, but I've always been overly concerned with what other people think of me so I've never so much as kissed a girl. I didn't grow up in a very diverse/accepting community. So, I feel like I'm in a bit of a vicious circle- I don't want to talk about this with anyone until I know for sure, but I also feel like I'll never meet anyone and get a chance to know unless I'm out. The person I'm most terrified of finding out is my best friend. She's definitely 100% okay with gay people, but we've been close friends for so long and I'm very much afraid that this would change our friendship forever. All this being said, it's been almost two years since I've dated anyone and I feel like the people closest to me are wondering anyways. So, I'm tearing up a bit as I write this and it feels kind of awesome to put it out there. Thanks for reading.
Perhaps you could swallow your fear and maybe tell your friend what you've written here? You say she wouldn't have a problem if you were gay, and it might be good to have someone to talk to. Plus, she might know other gay people who could provide a different perspective.
I just came out to my best friend of 11 years last night. The only thing she was concerned about was how being closeted made me felt. She's your best friend, she'll understand. As far as figuring out if you're gay, your situation sounds similar to mine. I can be attracted to men, but nothing beyond that. I am not sexually attracted to men and could never be in love with a man. I have had many boyfriends, but have never kissed a girl, but I am 100% that I am a lesbian. Hope this helped! The road to figuring it out is hard, you just have to reflect on it and find out what you really want.
hey, no problem for reading. i am glad u are slowly coming to accept urself for who u really are , feel proud about that. for some ppl, the road to acceptance of being gay or lesbian is hard and takes alot longer than others. I know it can be scary to tell someone, but i'd say if u know she is OK with gay people, try and hint at it to see how she reacts. It sounds like she would be accepting. It helps me knowing that i can talk about me being a lesbian with all of my close friends . i wish u the best of luck, stay positive and dont be scared ! :icon_bigg maybe u can answer my question, since u seem to be in a bit of a similar position as this girl with coming to terms with accepting urself as lesbian, maybe u can provide me some insight and help, thanks http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/66589-help-why-does-she-act-like-why-she-so-scared.html
Thanks so much for the advice everyone. It does seem like my first step would be to tell my friend- aside from my family, she's the only one I would never want to hear it from someone else. As for my family, I know my sister would be very cool with it and supportive. With my mom, on the other hand, I have no idea what to expect. She's not conservative or religious, but a while back we were talking about a young person we both knew who was really successful, and who happens to be gay, and my mom added "ya, but she's a lesbian". As if that somehow countered everything else. This was really crushing, especially since my mom and I are really close and I've always done things to make her proud. I know things could be hella worse, but this subtle homophobia (on the part of my brother and dad a bit too) makes me pretty scared about how my family would feel about me if they knew.
