Half of me is still in the closet

[Notsoreal21]

I am beyond afraid to come out of the closet afraid to tell my closet friends that I've lied to for years about my sexuality. I had a secret relationship with a guy for three years and I still love him. I think. Or just. Care about him. Some people know about us because I blur stuff out she. I was wasted reasons that he pushed me away. But the things is I'm afraid of being alone that I lie to myself to others by telling them I'm in love with a woman the only woman I've ever loved. But the truth I stop loving her years ago. Hoping that one day I will on e be with my secret life. One of my. Best friends know about me. But I feel I should tell the rest since our friendship is. Built in trust. But I dont know. I've always been the type that goes by the I don't like the label call me by my name but ahhhh it's annoying! I have so many gay friends. That are just waiting for me to make it official and throw me A parade. But then I have the homophic parents that talk crap about gays and I defend them they get angry. Anyways I'm new here just trying to make some friends and people to talk too. Yup I have a weird life of stories and lies to save me from being obvious but I think I'm tired of the lies and want to be free.

[Bobbgooduk]

Welcome to EC, Half!

An awful lot of people on here have weird stories, some with stories still being written.

However weird you think something is, people here will listen to you.

Getting things off your chest, getting things into perspective, weighing options - we've all done it and are still doing it so welcome to the discussion.

If you want to throw things out here, feel free!

---------- Post added 29th Jul 2012 at 06:12 PM ----------

Sometimes it's necessary to lie - to keep yourself safe, for instance, whether that is safe from physical danger or from emotional danger.

You should try hard not to beat yourself up too much for trying to protect yourself.

If your friends ae true friends and they want the best for you, they won't really perceive it as a "betrayal" on your part - friends don't necessarily tell each other everything - it all depends on circumstances.

You will probably feel better when you have started the process - it gets easier to tell people and it won't take long to get the other half out of the closet BUT take your time and do it at a pace you feel comfortable with.

Good luck!

[Notsoreal21]

Thanks bob. I hope so...

[Orcas]

Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets!

Being afraid and worried as to what others will think once you do come out, is part of the process of coming out and quite normal. Most of the time however, once you do start coming out to your friends they will understand, and it isn't an issue.

If already some people know, maybe take this as a starting point, and built your coming out on it. If you feel comfortable at this stage with more people knowing, confirm what you have already mentioned/indicated to some. Perhaps confirming and reaffirming might make it a bit easier on you, because then the feeling of needing to hide from others, won't be such an issue at least when you are around your friends.

You have mentioned you have gay friends. Are you out to them? If not, maybe try coming out to one or two.

Knowing that your parents are homophobic take your time in approaching them and letting them know. Built your support network first, which can consist of friends, support groups, a counselor, etc....

Again, welcome to EC. Glad you have decided to join. Feel free to post anything you would like to have some feedback/suggestions on. Things have a way of working out.