Dealing with suicides - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out

JillandJill · 29th Jul 2012, 05:52 PM

So the girl I am seeing had a friend recently commit suicide. And even though my cousin did also this year, I have no idea what to do for her. I have let her know that I am here for her but I feel helpless..... any ideas of how I can comfort her or get her mind off it, or anything? She of course is more worried about her friend that was in a relationship with the guy who killed himself but I am worried about her.

**thecat06** · 29th Jul 2012, 07:05 PM

I recently had to deal with a friend that committed suicide. You may think that just being there is not helping much.. it really is. Sometimes it takes people a little while to open up about their feelings. Right now, the emotions may be too raw.

So.. I guess that the best thing that you could do is make sure that you are there for her. I would make sure that you do not push her to talk either. She will talk to you when she is ready.

29th Jul 2012, 08:22 PM

Let her know you're there for her if she needs someone to console her, but don't constantly ask her if she needs someone. She will tell you how she feels and what she wants you to do when she's ready. If it just happened recently, she may need some time to herself first.

JillandJill · 30th Jul 2012, 05:39 AM

Sounds like I'm doing all the right things, it will just take time now I guess.

MariRawr · 30th Jul 2012, 08:32 AM

Yep, there's really nothing you can do besides be there for her. I know that sounds negative, but it's not. Being there for someone is extremely important sometimes, especially when they lose someone. I know the reason I was so extremely scarred by my best friend committing suicide because no one was there for me when it happened. Just be there. Listen to her. And if she tries to push you away, hold on tight. It could be her being scared you're going to leave too and she won't be able to deal with that. Talking from experience.

suninthesky · 30th Jul 2012, 01:02 PM

Someone I knew committed suicide. It helped to talk with my friends about experiences that we had with him. It was better than acting like it didn't happen - when people do that it sort of feels like everyone forgot him.

Ben · 30th Jul 2012, 01:23 PM

These kinds of situations really require you to listen. It's not always easy to be a good listener, but the main part is to pick up on her 'feelings words' and not to lecture her. As others have said, just being there and showing your support is sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation.

MyNameIsCharles · 30th Jul 2012, 01:57 PM

Talking to her and really understanding her feelings and being able to feel some of her pain can help.

29th Jul 2012, 05:52 PM	#1
JillandJill Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: G(r)ay Out Status: Out to family, close friends, and anyone who asks Location: Colorado Age: 20 Posts: 187 Join Date: Apr 2012	Dealing with suicides So the girl I am seeing had a friend recently commit suicide. And even though my cousin did also this year, I have no idea what to do for her. I have let her know that I am here for her but I feel helpless..... any ideas of how I can comfort her or get her mind off it, or anything? She of course is more worried about her friend that was in a relationship with the guy who killed himself but I am worried about her.

29th Jul 2012, 07:05 PM	#2
thecat06 Let the journey of life continue! EC Moderator Gender: Let's say Pangender! Orientation: Let's say gay!! (Homoromantic Demisexual) Out Status: Out as pan to most, out as gay completely Location: Central and Northern Ohio Age: 20 Posts: 7,083 Join Date: Jun 2011 Tournaments Won: 9	Re: Dealing with suicides I recently had to deal with a friend that committed suicide. You may think that just being there is not helping much.. it really is. Sometimes it takes people a little while to open up about their feelings. Right now, the emotions may be too raw. So.. I guess that the best thing that you could do is make sure that you are there for her. I would make sure that you do not push her to talk either. She will talk to you when she is ready. __________________ The tide of history only advances when people make themselves fully visible. -Anderson Cooper

29th Jul 2012, 08:22 PM	#3
NicoleV96 Guest Posts: n/a Tournaments Won: 15	Re: Dealing with suicides Let her know you're there for her if she needs someone to console her, but don't constantly ask her if she needs someone. She will tell you how she feels and what she wants you to do when she's ready. If it just happened recently, she may need some time to herself first.

30th Jul 2012, 05:39 AM	#4
JillandJill Well Known Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: G(r)ay Out Status: Out to family, close friends, and anyone who asks Location: Colorado Age: 20 Posts: 187 Join Date: Apr 2012	Re: Dealing with suicides Sounds like I'm doing all the right things, it will just take time now I guess.

30th Jul 2012, 08:32 AM	#5
MariRawr Member Regular Member Gender: Transgender - FtM Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: As a lesbian to everyone - transgender to friends Location: Netherlands, Dordrecht Age: 18 Posts: 38 Join Date: Jul 2012	Re: Dealing with suicides Yep, there's really nothing you can do besides be there for her. I know that sounds negative, but it's not. Being there for someone is extremely important sometimes, especially when they lose someone. I know the reason I was so extremely scarred by my best friend committing suicide because no one was there for me when it happened. Just be there. Listen to her. And if she tries to push you away, hold on tight. It could be her being scared you're going to leave too and she won't be able to deal with that. Talking from experience.

30th Jul 2012, 01:02 PM	#6
suninthesky EC Addict Full Member Gender: Transman Orientation: Straight Out Status: A few friends, sister Location: Colorado Posts: 250 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: Dealing with suicides Someone I knew committed suicide. It helped to talk with my friends about experiences that we had with him. It was better than acting like it didn't happen - when people do that it sort of feels like everyone forgot him.

30th Jul 2012, 01:23 PM	#7
Ben Little Edie #2 Full Member Age: 21 Posts: 4,143 Join Date: Jul 2008 Tournaments Won: 1	Re: Dealing with suicides These kinds of situations really require you to listen. It's not always easy to be a good listener, but the main part is to pick up on her 'feelings words' and not to lecture her. As others have said, just being there and showing your support is sometimes the best thing you can do in a situation.

30th Jul 2012, 01:57 PM	#8
MyNameIsCharles Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: San Diego Posts: 2 Join Date: Jul 2012	Re: Dealing with suicides Talking to her and really understanding her feelings and being able to feel some of her pain can help.

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