Hi I'm a 19 year old man who is questioning my sexuality!!! I have never been on a date with a girl or even had a girlfriend but had tons of friends that are girls and I always get along with girls no matter what, I always get really nervous about guys. Lately i been wondering if I'm gay or not. When I was growing up I had a girl I was hanging out with and everyone thought I was dating her but we were just friends I never really thought of dating her. When I was in middle school I was accused of being gay and their was rumor that kinda basically going around where I transferred schools. When I was in high school I asked one of the most beautifully girl to homecoming just for people wouldn't think I was gay!!! I always found my self really shy around other guys when they tried to talk to me because I didn't want them to think I was guy or maybe because I was screwed by one of my best guy friends and didn't want to get screwed again. I have found myself lately having feeling towards men wear I have been turned on by guys who are on tv or in movies. Also I have found when I see a guy running I stare. I'm really confused and trying to find answers and not sure how can anyone help??? If I I was reading an article and someone giving advice to help with finding out if your gay and "they mentioned if you can see yourself with a guy in public and touching your hand at a table and holding his hand in public calling him your boyfriend and willing to spend the rest of your life together and that sounds appealing to you then you might be gay." As I was reading this thinking about this made me start to get butterflies or a tingling feeling in my stomach If I'am gay I'm fine with excepting it I just get tired of being alone and want find my feelings out so I can find somebody to be with!! what do you think am I gay and I know I'm the only one who can figure it out and don't go on labels but I'm really confused and need help figureing this out, right now. Is there any way that can help me discover my feelings out?
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! You have come to the right place. When it comes to figuring things out, and becoming comfortable with your sexuality, try to take your time, and one step at a time. As you continue to become aware of things, you might find things to become overwhelming, and it is totally okay to take a step back. You have identified a couple of things: When you think about all of this and you feel drawn to guys and can see yourself being in a relationship with a guy, I'd say there is a pretty good chance that you are gay, or at least have strong leanings towards guys. That said, try to gauge your feelings and/or reactions towards seeing other guys walking or running past you, a bit more. The more information you have about your feelings, gained through your own observations, the better you will be able to make a determination as to where your feelings lie. Keep in mind however, that sexualities are fluid, and can change over time. Keeping an open mind, might make things easier on you. One of the things we try to do is to rush to label ourselves because it allows us to 'construct' our being and it allows us better to relate to others. However, I would suggest that you wait for a bit, at least until you have firmed up your feelings. If something feels right or a particular feeling proves to be a confirmation, follow it. One thing you could try doing is standing in front of a mirror, looking at yourself, and try saying out loud: "I'm gay," and see how you feel. If you have that butterfly feeling again and you can smile afterward, I'd say think about coming out to one or two friends, as the first step in building a support network. There is a time and place for everything. I know it can become at times hard, because we want to get on with life, and experience it in its fullest, but you will get there. Hope this helps a bit.
I noticed that throughout your post you only really spoke of the opinions of other people. The stereotype of having more female friends, people believing that your gay, the advice article, but none of your actually feelings. Deep down inside we all know everything there is to know about ourselfs, its just a matter if we are confrontable with accepting it consciously. Now as you said, only you can figure this out. Personally, I would say that you are certain of the answer, but arent sure if you are basing your attractions on what everyone else thinks about you or off of your true feelings. But I believe that if you really just sit down and ask yourself, who are you attracted to? Who do you want to be with? Then your answer will be right in you face. I hope you can sort it out
