So uh, where do I go from here?

[BudderMC]

It sounds stupid, but the notion never really hit me until now.

I mean, I don't know if it's just me, or if it's a "closeted people" thing, but I've always felt like being gay was always on my mind. More recently, I clued in that it was usually about coming-out stuff. Ever since I started this process of figuring myself out, the steps were always pretty obvious (figure out what I am, tell one person, tell another person, tell the important people at school, come out at home...).

But now that I'm out, that's kind of where my process ends. I mean, I'm sure somewhere on my to-do list is find a boyfriend, but while I'd like one being in a relationship was never "urgent" to me.

Honestly, and I feel stupid for writing this, but it feels like my mind is oddly empty. Like I sucked up so much brainpower thinking about being gay and coming out that I don't know what to do with myself. I mean, what do normal people even think about? All I keep thinking about now is how little I have to think about.

I really don't know what to do. I'm ecstatic that I'm out, but where do I go from here?

That's exactly how I felt after I finally finished the most stressful class of my life (so far... it better not get worse..). It was like I had devoted my entire life in that time period to it and it was always on my mind, even when I was watching TV I was thinking about it in the back of my mind. Once it was over, I felt extremely relieved, but I felt a bit empty, like something was missing.

In regards to your question where do you go from there, I'd just say go out and do something. Nothing is hindering you anymore so why not?

[prism]

To me, that sounds like a great relief. You shouldn't feel stupid, you are truly brave to be where you are now.

I can't wait for the day my sexuality is simply a reality, and not something that stresses me out 24/7.

You're 20-years-old and comfortable with who you are! Coming out was a huge milestone, but what are your other goals? Now that "being gay" is something you don't have to think about as often, start filling your mind with other things (school, careers, relationships).

Hope this helped!

[Owen]

I know the feeling, and this isn't the last time you'll feel it. I can totally understand why you'd think it sounds stupid, but snowy's class analogy is a good one for why you shouldn't.

So the question is, what do you like doing? What are you passionate about? What was coming out taking your mental energy away from? Now that you have the time and the mental space for it, occupy your time and your thoughts with whatever thinking about coming out was stealing them from!

[TheEdend]

Not a stupid questions at all. I felt pretty much the same right after I came out. It really is a strange feeling haha

But yes, now that the whole process of coming out is over the rest of your life is now completely up to you. You can do whatever, with whoever and without caring what people think (well, to a certain extent ) Its both exciting and scary as fuck haha

Fair warning, the next couple of months might be a bit rocky emotionally. This is the time where you are pretty much going to have to find your balance between caring, but not really caring about being gay, out or in. Its a weird process xD

Pretty much, welcome to the rest of your life

[pinklov3ly]

I know exactly what you mean, and even now, I still think about being gay all day. I'm past the stages of coming out, being in a relationship with a girl and now, my mind is waiting to register the next thought to be put into action lol. During my closeted phase, I was freaking out because my life was going to change so much. Especially, for my kids; I also had brief moments of going back into the closet, which was quite harmful to my mental health. I guess the next step for you will be to put yourself out there and meet other gay people. Hangout and for now, enjoy being single. I'm currently in the process of dating ugh...it's not easy at all.

[Lautaro Adrian]

The weight is off your shoulders. Re-adjust. I wish you a wonderful life ahead!

If you can't find anywhere to progress as for being gay, then progress somewhere else. I'm sure you feel better that you came out, and that you don't have to worry about keeping things hidden, now all that you can do for now is enjoy life, and just do what makes you happy.

[Bobbgooduk]

Before you come out, it is an all-consuming issue which occupies an awful lot of your thinking/feeling day.

You worry constantly about whether friends and family will accept you(r decision) and whether is will be worth the stress.

Once the job is done, it's almost an anticlimax and so your feelings are not unusual at all.

Where to go - well, the World is your Oyster. You can go and get on with some of those things you've bee postponing - finding yourself someone you can introduce to your family, going away together, meeting friends together,dating - -the stuff you're sometimes frightened to do in case you're "discovered".

Have fun! And it does get better - now that the imposed secrecy has gone, you begin at last to realize that you are perfectly normal, doing normal things and concentrating on what you are doing/are going to do rather than dreaming and wishing about what you would like to do if only.....

[J Snow]

Originally Posted by BudderMC

It sounds stupid, but the notion never really hit me until now.

I mean, I don't know if it's just me, or if it's a "closeted people" thing, but I've always felt like being gay was always on my mind. More recently, I clued in that it was usually about coming-out stuff. Ever since I started this process of figuring myself out, the steps were always pretty obvious (figure out what I am, tell one person, tell another person, tell the important people at school, come out at home...).

But now that I'm out, that's kind of where my process ends. I mean, I'm sure somewhere on my to-do list is find a boyfriend, but while I'd like one being in a relationship was never "urgent" to me.

Honestly, and I feel stupid for writing this, but it feels like my mind is oddly empty. Like I sucked up so much brainpower thinking about being gay and coming out that I don't know what to do with myself. I mean, what do normal people even think about? All I keep thinking about now is how little I have to think about.

I really don't know what to do. I'm ecstatic that I'm out, but where do I go from here?

I actually feel kind of similarly right now for a different reason. After going through a recent big break up, I just kind of sit around feeling like I don't have a lot to do or think about. I mean, I used to text them nonstop, my thoughts, emotions, etc. and now I just kind of don't know what to do with myself.

I've occupied myself by starting a new show on Netflix, but now I'm already through all of Breaking Bad in just like a week >.<

Take up a hobby, spend time with friends, do whatever you enjoy. And if you want you can always get involved in an LGBT program and help other people dealing with coming out or other issues.

I understand completely. I came out as gay to my family and figured, "Once I'm out to them, I'll be freeeeeee!"
I then figured that once I was out, I could start dating, which would be the ultimate next step. Turns out being 'out' doesn't really increase your chances of finding someone if you aren't ready to date someone...
So, now I'm dealing with more bullish*t. I think the best thing for you to do is do more things in general. Meet new people somehow, maybe?
Good luck,

King x

[qboy]

Originally Posted by BudderMC

It sounds stupid, but the notion never really hit me until now.

I mean, I don't know if it's just me, or if it's a "closeted people" thing, but I've always felt like being gay was always on my mind. More recently, I clued in that it was usually about coming-out stuff. Ever since I started this process of figuring myself out, the steps were always pretty obvious (figure out what I am, tell one person, tell another person, tell the important people at school, come out at home...).

But now that I'm out, that's kind of where my process ends. I mean, I'm sure somewhere on my to-do list is find a boyfriend, but while I'd like one being in a relationship was never "urgent" to me.

I was thinking it was just me - since I started coming out those thoughts haven't been occupying my every thought - since I told that person it's been allowed to wonder to the trivial things (Why is that picture crooked, why have I just brought pink shampoo and purple shower gel?) and the menial chores that were always being ignored (since that night by bedroom has been so tidy it's unbelievable - I keep spotting all the mess now - it's also starting to irritate me that my TV stand is bent, I just can't get it straight, and how uneven the floor actually is), heck this morning I woke up and the first thing that popped into my head was how I needed to clean the bird poo off the car

I've also noticed that I am appreciating the world around me more - the other day I was on my bike and noticed loads of stuff on the horizon which I'd not seen before now (dispite seeing it if you know what I mean) - it's like my mind is finally being empty and allowing other things to bat around (although apparently it hasn't yet been able to spot guys who are checking me out - apparently there were a few on pride night ).

Thinking back it's a bit like after I graduated uni - my mind had been pretty much full of stress from my course work and then exams, but once that was gone I was able to invest more time into enjoying hanging out with my mates (actually that time also resulted in my bedroom being really clean too), learning to drive, and what not. Of course that empty-ness eventually allowed itself to be filled with all the coming out thoughts...

[BudderMC]

Thanks everyone, it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one thinking this (I really did feel stupid writing that out...). So pretty much, now I've just gotta go with the flow. Maybe it's time to pull out that "where do I want to be in 10 years" assignment again.

Originally Posted by TheEdend

Fair warning, the next couple of months might be a bit rocky emotionally. This is the time where you are pretty much going to have to find your balance between caring, but not really caring about being gay, out or in. Its a weird process xD

And to think, I thought this was the time when things were supposed to settle down for once... ah well. :P

[karl178]

Above all, congrats on attaining some real peace of mind on the sexuality issue, in my book thats a big step forward for any gay person. I am sure whatever your next steps, they will go well.