I've been thinking about coming out to my mom since staying in the closet is kind of eating away at me. I think she would take it okay after she got used to the idea. I've actually told her I was gay before and then did an immediate about-face and went back in the closet, long story. Her reaction wasn't great, but it could have been much worse. I still feel guilty/ashamed for going back in and not sticking to my guns. I know that she'll be upset that I didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner and for lying to her when I went back in. I'm not really sure what to do since I don't feel like I can stay in the closet and stay sane much longer, but I really don't want to go through the major guilt trip that I know she'll put me through.
She can only put you on a guilt trip if you let her. What you did, as far as not lying when you backtracked, and not saying anything since, is hardly blameworthy - there was nothing malicious behind it, you were simply doing the best you could in an awkward and difficult situation. And you're not the only person on EC to "take back" a coming out. If you're feeling the urge to tell her again, then I think it's probably the time to come out. What you might want to do this time (assuming it didn't happen last time) is build up a sort of support network first. Tell a few friends that you know will be supportive. Tell someone else in the family - a sibling, perhaps? Plan on coming to EC regularly. Plan on confiding in your cat more. Basically, set up a plan for places you can go to get support if your mom tries to make you question the decision and/or tries to guilt trip you. Also, you mention that you think she would be okay once she "got used to the idea". Stick with this thought - it could help encourage you a lot to make it through a tough initial phase. I like to think about coming out as just the beginning of a long conversation - mostly because people's opinions do adjust over time. Their initial reaction often has little to do with how they end up feeling long term (and heck, 11 years after coming out to my mom and 6 years after coming out to my dad, they're both still growing and learning about ways to accept and support me - and vice versa).
Hi, hope you are feeling ok. I don't think there is any shame or embarrassment in coming back into the closet after telling your mother the first time. It is a difficult thing to do and you should be proud of yourself for having the strength to tell her when you are ready. Could I suggest that she probably already likely knows you are in fact gay and that it was just an about-face due to an awkward moment? Maybe when you are ready to come out to her fully, she will have had a bit of time to digest the situation and so you can have a proper discussion around it. In any case, no reason to feel shame
A support network would be good except I'm not really sure who I could tell that I know would be accepting. As far as family goes I'm an only child so no siblings to tell, I do have one out cousin, but we're not close and I only talk to him a few times a year, so he's out (no pun intended). I'm afraid to tell the few friends I have since I have a hard time making friends, even though I know that if they are really my friends it shouldn't matter. Part of me just wants to make it through the next two months before I go back to college without telling her, but I'm not sure I can. I still remember the hurtful things she said last time and I'm not sure I have the guts to go through that again. @Karl I'm pretty sure she has an idea since for a while after that she used gender neutral terms when talking about my future partner/spouse, now she's reverted to wife/girlfriend. On the other hand she has been saying that nothing could make her love me any less, but I'm still scared to put that claim to the test since I know she is somewhat homophobic.
Ok, I fully understand your anxiety about coming out to your mother, she is the person who brought you into this world My view is that coming out is always a bit a leap of faith. I don't think there is any one time that I came out to a friend or family member and knew for certain what their reaction would be. It sounds every bit that your mother cares for you regardless of your sexuality ("she has been saying that nothing could make her love me any less"), but perhaps she is working through her own feelings on what it means for you to be gay. I see from your other thread that you are going to start seeing a therapist, which I think is a great thing to do and you should feel very comfortable with. Are there any friends or other family that you can come out to? This might be a nice interim step to help you build your support network so you feel more comfortable talking with your mother. I certainly don't want to talk out of turn, as I am not an expert in coming out, but I would personally take that leap of faith and come out to her. There is certainly no desperate rush to do so, but the longer you debate it in your head, the longer you might let toxic thoughts cloud your judgment. But then again, you need to broadly feel comfortable with the notion that it is the right time to go ahead with it. On a side note, you will see I still have not figured out how to properly insert quotations from previous posts, have to unfortunately rely on the old fashioned copy/paste.
There are a few people at my college in LA that I could probably come out to, but since I won't see them until the end of September I'll have to wait (I'd much rather come out in person than text or email). I'd like to tell my mom before I go back to school, but I'm not sure if that'll happen, but my goal is to definitely come out before the end of the year. I'm not close to most of my family so relying on the ones that I know aren't homophobic for support would be kind of awkward, but it is definitely something I'll think about.
As a mom to a teenager.... we parents won't always like or agree with what you do or how you think or feel. Yes, things may come as a shock to us, it may take us time to adjust but nothing, NOTHING can change a mothers love for her child. IF you find it to hard to talk to her and are afraid you are going to "jump back in" jk mom, not really gay, just goofing off how do you feel about writing her a letter , giving it to her in person and saying her this is serious, I need you to read this and we can talk. From the sounds of it I suspect she is waiting on you....
Welp, I suggest you go for it if you think she's not exaggeratingly homophobic....I would tell you how that went for me, but it wouldn't make you feel much betteer :/ ....
