I was at a party on saturday and there was one of my workmates there who claims he is completely straight and he is a real ladies man (he is horrible to women though... He waits for them to tell him they love him and then leaves them for the next one) but while at the party we never really spoke properly, we played around having pretend fights and stuff but that's more or less it. It wasn't until just before we left the party to go to another party when we had a little conversation... It weren't the nicest of conversations but let's just say it weren't stuff a normal straight person would say lol. Anyway after we get to the other party he just kept throwing hints and going to kiss me but I just avoided it all, I thought he was just messing until he pulled me in and gave me a little peck on the lips... I didn't think much of it, he was saying that he's comfortable enough with his sexuality to actually kiss a man so I just let it go... Even my sister turned round to him and said 'I think you're in the closet' and he said 'think what you want but I know what I want'. After a while though we were both standing at the top of the stairs and he just came over to me and kissed me again, but actually stuck his tongue in my mouth... Now I'm thinking would he really do that if he was straight and all what he said beforehand or is it just the alcohol what made him do it... Since being back in work today its like we avoided eachother all day. We haven't spoke or even looked at eachother or barely even been in the same room as eachother, and at the end of the day another workmate at the party brought the kiss up and he just stormed off after I said 'he kissed me'... I don't want it to come between us but I don't know what to do or say to him... Is he gay or bi or was he just that drunk? Thanks for reading guys
Rather than trying to analyze his thoughts from a distance, I would ask what it is you want out of the situation. You mention not wanting this to "come between you" - should I assume that you want to be friends with this guy? Unless you want some sort of relationship and/or sexual connection with him, I say just let it slide. What was it that he talked about on the way to the other party? You seem to think it was significant.
We are friends, we're not exactly close friends but he is close friends with my brother (who also works in the same place) and to be honest I don't exactly know what I want from knowing... Maybe its just to help him through it if he is gay/bi. I wouldn't say he's un attractive... In fact I'd say he was very attractive but I don't think its something sexual that I want... And before we left he was asking me if I thought he was attractive and stuff like that and asking if I'd have sex with him (I'm pretty sure he was joking but at the same time he sounded a little bit serious) but after that he just wouldn't leave me alone about it all...
I'm of the opinion that, with few exceptions (i.e, alcoholic blackouts... which, half the time, are people conveniently not remembering, rather than *actual* alcoholic blackouts), people know exactly what they're doing when they're drunk, it's just that the alcohol lowers inhibitions, and provides the convenient cover story to excuse whatever inappropriate behavior happens. So it's very possible/likely that he is at the least questioning himself. But the time period between questioning oneself while drunk and being able to own the feelings could be months or longer. As others have said, you want to really think about what you are seeking, and whether you're willing to go through whatever, before you even think about anything with regard to this. Additionally, it's quite possible he will either decide he's not gay, or stay closeted for years, so in any case, you can't make assumptions based on this single incident.
Can't say I can offer too much advice on what has happened in your specific case, but after doing something stupid (under the influence but not related in any way to either of our sexualities) with one of my colleagues (and friends) a few years ago I was really pissed off with him and tried avoiding him for a while, it took a while to be able to face one another again, and that required a bit of a natter away from the work situation - sometimes you don't want to talk about personal stuff at work as you don't want to run the risk of your colleagues hearing. I then ended up being in the same boat a few weeks ago when I tried to come out to one of my colleagues, after arranging to meet after work (when I came out to him) by SMS in the morning I pretty much avoided him all day just so it wouldn't be brought up and then the following morning I had a similar reaction which faded away when I realised he wouldn't bring it up while in the workplace. In both cases when I ended up being with the people concerned waiting for the kettle to boil we just talked about the usual stuff (last nights TV, something we read in the paper etc) and not the "elephant in the room" issue just so we were able to reconnect and be civil to one another and then allowed normality to resume by just grabbing one another (soft/hot) drinks as before. If you feel like you need to bring it up don't do it in the workplace, just arrange a casual meet-up after work (you fancy grabbing a beer tomorrow after work?) where you may or may not talk about it (In both my cases the meet up was just the usual but with a mention of something along the lines "if you need to talk about anything you know you can trust me right" being dropped in before carrying on with the usual which then opens the door to the further conversation if they want it, while also closing the door on that topic (for the time being) and allowing work normality to return).
