/heavy sigh I'm in a state of limbo, self-discovery, if you will. I've come searching for constructive, intelligent advice. Not stereotypical outlooks or outrageously generic advice. I'm 23. I'm no veteran but neither am I a novice. I wouldn't say I'm "confused"...To be honest...I'm not sure what I would say. However...I do know that essentially (on a base level) I'm trying to determine If I'm gay or bi-sexual. I refuse to believe it as white and black as it seems. I know I'm not heterosexual. I just know. So oddly enough, I have a more complicated situation than just "coming out". I know the intial question will be: "Who are you predominately attracted to?"I can't actually answer that. I am unsure. Not confused...Just...Unsure. I have only kissed another male. (while I don't think my sexual experience is neccesarily a defining factor to my orientation. I still find it relevant)I'm still attracted to males. So much so that I am sure I would like a male partner. This is where it gets blurry...I'm attracted to females as well. Whats strange though, Is that I'm not essentially attracted to the "female". There are aspects of women I adore. I find plenty of women intoxicating. I have enjoyed sexual encounters and relationships with them as well. What confuses me is the lack of fulfilment. I feel when I'm with a female as If I've done what I'm supposed to. I'm attracted to the mind of a women/female but I dont neccesarily want to be with that. The female figure is gorgeous...A work of pure perfection. In a way I feel that I shouldn't be allowed to desecrate it. If that makes sense... My ultimate question is...Are my thoughts about women just a lie to make me feel as If i'm attracted to them. Have I just been societally brainwashed into believing that being attracted to a female is "right"? What am I fighting here...? Maybe I'm just searching for a definitive answer that no person could provide. I just want an opinion. An outside plane of thought.
I would ask you a different question - Why do you want to put yourself into ONE box? I would identify myself as gay, but I have strong friendships with women, two of which led to physical intimacy and marriage. I found the person "exciting" irrespective of their gender. I still see women I think are attractive, that I feel drawn to and find exciting as friends. I can imagine (although I don't dream or fantasize about it) that, given the "right" circumstances, I could be physical with some of them. My fantasies and dreams have always been about men, though, and I feel at ease with myself as gay. According to some, I'm not gay, I'm bisexual, but I think I'm allowed to decide what I call myself. I understand your questioning, and I understand it's simpler in many ways to label yourself as one thing or another, but real life is more complicated than that. I agree with you on the greyscale - I think only a few of us are black or white on the scale, most of us are shades in between and you'll read a lot of comments on EC from people who face dilemas similar to yours. I think you just have to maybe allow for the possibility to fit into more than one box and be content to follow your heart, wherever it leads you. How others choose to classify you is irrelevant - it's how you perceive yourself which ultimately affects your appreciation of yourself as a person. Good luck :smilewave ---------- Post added 31st Jul 2012 at 11:45 AM ---------- You posted your second post while I was typing my reply - sorry I took so long! I hope I'm not to general in my reply - feel free to engage in conversation!
I don't know...You raise a wonderful question. I'm not sure why I have to have a label. I suppose it would give me a sense of identity. I know I shouldn't feel that way. Yet I do. I think I will jist go with my feelings. My heart, my soul. I will be attracted to wgo I am attracted to. I don't have to call myself gay or bisexual to feel complete. I just love. That will be all. Also: Thank you for your inaight. It helped.
