Stuck on this roller-coaster....

Lots of questions, and no clear cut answers. But I guess you knew that. I'll answer them in something approaching random order.

It sounds like you're at least 18 if not 21, if you're talking about going to a gay bar. Will going to one out you to the whole city? I doubt it. I mean, do straight people have nothing better to do than to watch who goes into the gay bars? Is there a "Seen Last Night!" section in the local paper? I can't speak for your neck of the woods, but in Denver, straight people routinely go into gay bars.

But that begs the question. Say you go into the gay bar. Would you feel comfortable doing so? Would you feel able to go start some conversations? If your social anxiety is that severe, then that's probably something you'd want to work on first before attempting to jump into a new social setting.

Have you tried googling "gay (your city)"? You might run into something other than gay bars to try. Gay volunteer groups, gay activities, gay bowling leagues, what have you. If the town's big enough for two gay bars, it might be big enough for other things, too.

As far as your parents go, you could probably read that better than we can. I'd say go ahead and tell your mother over the phone. Don't make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. "I'm gay, and I think it's important for you to know that."

Lex

 

I am having a bad couple of days. I have been very depressed and lonely. I want so badly to be happy and out, and I have had days of happiness, but I don't really have much of anyone around where I live. I've always had trouble making friends with women (which I recently realized why when I realized I was gay). My best friend is my ex bf who moved out of town and is dating already. I am happy that he is moving on, but also jealous and sad. I know we can't be together, I don't want to be with a man anymore. I know it is selfish of me. I don't really know how to describe what I feel about it.
I know that feeling a lot. There were a lot of days that I felt depressed and lonely due to the lacking of connection and human relationships.
Do you think your homosexuality changes how you see female friends? I know I struggle with that when I make male friends, I get scared that I might do something dumb or act stupid because now I’m ‘into’ them too. I seriously disbelieve it… I believe I can be friends with whoever wants to be friends with me. I don’t have to take it any further unless I want to =]
In regards to your boyfriend, there is definitely an emotional connection or at least a severed one since it’s an ex, but I can certainly feel the same way about jealousy and sadness. Although I haven’t had any exes, I had friends whom I felt jealous and sad because they didn’t want to hang out with me. I know it’s not the same but it’s like… I wish they would… >.<
Second, you’re not being selfish for feeling jealous or sad, it’s human nature and with time, it will dissipate. I can assure you that is how it ended up for me. Keep your hope up, you’ll find the girl of your dreams and even if not, there is nothing wrong either with being single. Some say it has advantages but I disagree xD.

I think I would feel better if I just came out to my parents. They are the 2 biggest people for me, and part of me feels ready to tell them so I can just be me all the time. My dad lives very close and my mom lives across the country. That is the other problem, I kind of want to tell my mom in person, but it is hard to tell when I will see her again. My dad is going to be harder to tell, I don't think he is going to take it well. Also I have to catch him at a time that he is sober. He is a high functioning alcoholic.

You don’t have to come out to your parents if you don’t feel safe (especially if he is in a drunken state). As for your mom, if she lives away from you. There are different ways to go about this, but I would say go with what your mind believes is the best for you. If you want to wait, you can wait!
If you can’t, consider what resources you have and say hmm, what will be the best way to tell my parents given what I have and don’t have.
I guess I just don't know how to meet people. I've always had social anxiety. My panic attacks have been increasing as I have been feeling a crushing loneliness. The only person I have been able to talk to about this is my ex bf. He doesn't even have a clue where I am coming from. No one does...except maybe someone out there in the EC world. My ex actually even helped me get "set-up" talking to a girl who I guess has a crush on me, we had a couple of good texting conversations, and then she just quit talking to me. Which did not help my self esteem or my feelings of loneliness. Help me. I am deep down happy and relieved that I am gay, but already tired of hiding it and being alone a month later.

I can definitely identify with that. I wish I had better words to say other than you can do it! You can get out there and be who you are. You might not need to go to gay bars or date but you can find friends that agree with you.
I haven’t found many friends myself except through work so a good place to look is there. I’m very lucky I took a fondness to video games because I’ve made a lot of friends on different communities online. They may not be able to see you but I’m sure at least some of them will bond with you.
I’m naturally a very shy person and it’s difficult for me to open up. I found it easier to talk about video games (due to my fondness for them) and it has helped me gain a few strong friendships. I still find it difficult to open up RL unless I feel safe with the person (or at least I’ve warmed up).
Check some online resources or your community center for some activities (depending on your age group) they may have something that you like or not. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you experienced something entirely different.

Should I come out to my parents? Am I doing all of this too fast? How can I meet girls? I live in a not so big area. There are 2 gay bars, if I went to them it would be like coming out to the city in one swoop. I don't know if I am ready for that until my parents know. I am sorry that all of this is all over the place, but that is how my mind is. I just wish I had someone to talk to that could relate to me at all. I am ready to just be happy, but I don't know how to get there.

Time is of the essence in this case. I would say start with small things like reaching out to any close friends you may have or even your ex who seems to have wanted to help you. I’m not sure about the girl that you have a crush on, try a small convo with her. It seems like you had some good talks with her and she may possibly feel insecure or scared to continue. Eh it’s worth a try =]
Happiness is found in yourself and not in others. I've been on that emotional rollercoaster of wanting to be with someone too but I can tell you it's not worth it unless you're ready to take those risks. I'm still not to a certain degree.

I hope that helps, as I’m still learning about who I am and still learning to make friends too Dx