So, I'm starting to think about coming out. Maybe not soon. But within a few months perhaps. I just want to be as ready as I can be. It's my Mum and younger brother that I'm nervous about telling. A couple of my friends already now and some suspect it, I'm not at all nervous about telling all of them, I'm just waiting until I'm out to my family first. Ok, so. As far as I'm aware my Mum isn't homophobic or anything, but sometimes it can seem like homosexuality is still unusual as when she mentions that someone is gay it's normally in a hushed turn. It's kind of like she doesn't know how to talk about. But then again she hasn't really had much experience with any LGBT people. I only remember her ever having one friend who was a lesbian, and I'm not sure she knows my cousin is a lesbian either. But I'm sure she will be fine with my sexuality, it just makes it difficult to talk to her about it (although I struggle to talk to her about anything really, big or small). My brother on the other hand... I have no idea what his views on homosexuality are. We aren't that close really, but still see each other everyday and live in the same house. Any advice on what to do and what to say? I really don't know. As I said, I'll find it easy to tell friends. It's family I need help with. Also, I know there will probably be some questions, but I don't really know what to expect or how to answer any questions I get asked. I know what I feel, but normally struggle to put it into words, especially when I'm under pressure. :help:
Hi, good to hear that you have been relatively comfortable with coming out to friends, thats a great step. I guess for coming out to family, there is not really one size fits all on how to best do it, but I personally think an honest clear face to face discussion is a good route. That way you can get some real closure on how they feel, if they have any questions etc. Its going back a few years now when I came out to my parents at roughly your age, I told them, they did not react at all and we never really discussed it for a while afterwards. I knew they were a bit surprised but very supportive, though it would have been maybe helpful for me to get some proper feedback or sense of their support at that time. In any case, I know it seems extremely daunting, but from what you have written, I would imagine it will go quite well and try not too get too stressed with anticipation. Its in our human nature to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised with the likely positive outcome.
Hello, Welcome to EC. I think that often when under pressure we think of the worst outcomes possible... It is like when you are scared at night... You hear the creepy sounds, the rustle of clothes, the gloomy shadows, and the fear that someone is behind you... yet, it is just our mind playing tricks on us. What do you currently think the outcome of you coming out will be? Is it positive or negative?
Thank you both for the replies. I think it may be positive. But I still can't shake the idea that it will be terribly negative! :icon_sad:
You are welcome. It is understandable that you think the outcome would be negative. But think it throughout... like are the outcomes rational? What do you fear may happen? etc. And overall think about if you are ready to come out and if coming out is worth it more; than the negative outcomes you imagine. Have you thought about writing a letter? Often, individuals find it much easier to come out throughout this medium of communication.
Normally I find it easier to talk using a letter, but I'd find it a bit awkward seeing my Mum, knowing that she's read the letter. So I'd just prefer to do it in person really. As much as I've been having negative thoughts I can't really see anything really bad happening. I think the outcome is likely to end up positive. I just don't really know what to say or what kind of questions to expect either (assuming there are some).
I think it depends on the individual what type of questions they make ask you or how they may react at the news. However, I think you would be in pretty good shape by being honest. Remember that throughout your self-discovery you asked yourself lots of questions in regards to your sexual orientation; in my personal opinion the same would be for your mother, and the questions she may ask could be similar to the ones you answered throughout your self-discovery. Just remember that you do not have to rush. Also, remember that this may come as a shock, so she may not be ready to accept it. But it largely depends on the individual. What do you think would be the best way to tell you mother? You know her much more than I do, so I think it is important for you to decide how to come out. I do not know how close you two are, but perhaps there is a space location for both of you? Or any activity you both enjoy to do together? Or when you were a kid? Etc.
I just don't know what to say. When I feel under pressure I can't think of the right words, no matter how prepared I am. Definitely face-to-face. I can't really think of when or where to do it. We're not as close as she likes to think really, mainly on my end.
I'm not quite sure where I'd do it either. Probably in the car or something so no-one overhears or anything. But that means if things are going badly or get awkward (they will get really awkward knowing me) we're stuck in a car together.
Might try and do it before we go on holiday in just over a week. But then again, if it goes bad it could ruin everything so maybe I should wait?
