This post is kind of long :eek: so please bare with me... For a little while I thought that I was gay but I think that is because until today I thought that I had to feel attraction towards some gender and the penis... well it did stuff (that sounds more wrong than I meant it :icon_redf) But now I realize that genitalia and just sex in general are really unattractive for me. I used to masturbate to porn but I never really watched the porn and when I actually did I was rather turned off. And After I "finished" :icon_redf it was just done... nothing special. Now that I accepted I was asexual I do not even feel the "urge" any more. (some asexuals do) As far as love, I fall for people very quickly but when it ends it does not really bother me and I am looking for the one just like most everyone else. Although, this brings me to my first question: If an asexual person ( who doesn't enjoy any type of sex) had sex with their partner, do you think theywould be able to make them just as happy even though it does not benefit them at all? 2. Do you think that an asexual should "engage" if they are in a relationship with a sexual? btw an open relationship is just not O.K. with me 3. Out of curiosity... How do you feel about asexuality? Do you think you would be okay dating someone asexual (an asexual who doesn't engage in sex)? 4. Do you know of any sites that are good for support groups of asexuals? :sleep: Sorry, I know it was long and all but... :eusa_clap you made it through(*hug*) Keep in mind that part of the reason I created this thread was because I was not able to find many resources on EC for this... and on the few I did find there were a few misconceptions about certain aspects of asexuality... P.S. I hope I didn't step away from what is "appropriate" on here:jawdrop: and feel free to add anything you like
I recently had a crush on an asexual girl who I would have absolutely dated if she were willing (she hasn't contacted me in some time). I had no sexual interest in her, but even if I had, I'm not sure I would have wanted to have sex with her simply because the best part of sex (for me) is the mutuality of the experience. Having sex with someone who is (at best) indifferent to it is not my idea of a fun time. Asexuals have as much right as anybody to pursue relationships. However, sex being off the table is going to be a deal-breaker for many sexuals, and even more if they aren't allowed to have sex with other people on the side. This is the main website I know of that caters to asexuals: Asexual Visibility and Education Network
I agree about AVEN, you'd probably like it there. There are a few asexuals around here, I'm gray-A myself. I think AVEN can answer all of those questions for you or at least help you out. Just lurk around the forum there. Many asexuals have relationships with sexuals and they work it out. Gooood luck!! (*hug*)
Thanks!(*hug*) that helped a lot and that website is answering all of my questions. I recently discovered EC and it is proving to be amazing. Thanks again for the link!
Can u guys explain what asexualism is? I would rather have a straight from the heart answer then from a guy that has really no clue and thinks he knows it all so write on Wikipedia lol
Asexual people do not experience sexual attraction to other people and may or may not feel sexual desire of any sort. Some experience romantic attraction to other people, other's do not. It's from the asexual community that we got the idea of romantic orientation as separate from sexual orientation, actually. Some asexuals are willing to have sex because it makes their partner happy, others are not.
Thank u a lot as I'm figuring this out... I'm thinking I'm pansexual. I have to thank this wonderful site
I'm somewhat late, but I'd like to chime in, if you don't mind You've been given really good advice and I agree, AVEN is really good. Everyone there is very nice and welcoming and even if you don't wish to join the forums, their FAQs will probably be very helpful ^^ Now on to your questions. 1/ I think it depends on whether you're sex-indifferent or sex-repulsed. Sex-indifferent is when sex just "doesn't do it for you" but you don't actually mind taking part in it - it's just something that you don't need and could live without with no problem. Sex-repulsed, on the other hand, is when sex really puts you off. Most sex-repulsed asexuals will express (sometimes strong) emotional and/or physical distress when put in a sexual situation. If you're sex-indifferent, I think you can easily make it work with a sexual partner, provided that you don't just lie there passively, but take action - something that, as a sex-indifferent asexual, I'm able and willing to do because I understand how important it can be for my partner. If you're sex-repulsed, on the other hand... I don't think anyone in their right mind would enjoy having sex with someone that's shaking in disgust, crying and/or puking (real-life reactions brought to you by the courtesy of a sex-repulsed friend of mine). In that case, no, I don't think the sexual partner would enjoy the experience very much. 2/What exactly do you mean by that? By the quotation marks, I guess you mean "engage in sex". In the words of this always eloquent blogger (who's a moderator on AVEN forums, BTW): "Asexuals, if you want to be in a relationship with a sexual, you WILL have to compromise on sex." Since you're not OK with the idea of an open relationship (and I guess this extends to poly relationships too), if you're not sex-repulsed, then, yes, I think you should. However, you might want to discuss this with your partner. I know some sexuals who don't place much emphasis on sex, your future partner might be one of them. I won't answer 3/ for obvious reasons and 4/ because AVEN is kinda the best you can get ^^ I wish you the best of luck!
Good advice already given here. I'm not asexual, but my partner is. It doesn't cause a problem for us. We don't have an open relationship (that's important to both of us) so we get along with mutual respect for each other's needs. For me, companionship and "closeness" has always been far more important to me than sex. You will see that there are a lot of people here who identify themselves as asexual. It is therefore reasonable to assume that, in the general population also, there are a lot of people who are just not that interested in the plumbing and mechanics. My point is, I see no reason why you should not be able to find someone who is just like you in your expectations of the sexual side of a relationship. Indeed, there are probably quite a number of people who are wondering about the possibility of meeing someone just like you. Good luck
As far as mixed-orientation marraiges/relationships go, an open relationship isn't really a solution. While it can relieve sexual tension in one or both partners, you still lack that kind of intimacy with the one you're actually in love with, and I think this would absolutely be a deal-breaker for many. I've never heard of the "sex-indifferent/sex-repulsed" categorization, but I think both of those would pose challenges to your sexual partner. Indifference turns sex into a coldly mechanical act devoid of intimacy for him, and repulsion is entirely unfair and unsustainable if you're not looking for an open relationship, which also poses the same intimacy problem on top of that. I still believe it's always preferable to date within your own orientation, and that the problems posed by a mixed orientation relationship/marriage are often insurmountable. Emotional irrationality is the only reason these kinds of relationships exist to begin with; you can hardly state that it's wise for a gay man to remain in a straight marriage and yet thousands do every day.
I'm not asexual, but my very close friend is. 1. It depends entirely on the person. 2. They should discuss it, and possibly reach a mutual decision to have sex, maybe setting limits or conditions on it. Personally, in my relationship with my friend, I let her decide the limits of anything that happens physically. I don't want to have sex with her, but if I did, I would NEVER ask her to. I would personally be just fine with a sexless relationship, although a lot of sexuals would not. I don't think that's wrong of them, just for me, even though I experience sexual attraction, I value a loving, emotional connection with someone above sex, and I would rather sacrifice sex for myself in order to make them happy and comfortable. 3. Kind of answered above. Yes, I would be totally okay with dating an asexual. And I lovelovelove my asexual friend and have a very close relationship with her. 4. AVEN all the way! It's fantastic. Huge, supportive community.
I've been curious for a while regarding this topic and well, I'm a woman and whether it's explainable or not, I tend to be asexual leading up to my monthly cycle; lasting up to 2 weeks. It's really frustrating as I've in the past been quite aroused during this time of the month. Any sexual human contact turns me off completely. So, now, I'm a biromantic/asexual lesbian lol. I do not/desire any sexual for 10-14 days out of the month. I'm starting to be think I'm impossible to be with. I feel so abnormal sometimes, my sisters looks at me like I have six heads when I try to explain this to her :-/
