High school, coming out and major crush on classmate. Gawd.

I'm 15, gay and completely closeted. As everyone knows, high school definitely isn't the best place to be gay, and as many I was planning on coming out after finishing it.

Thing is there's this new guy in my classroom which I have a major crush on, and I believe he also feels the same towards me. He's most likely closeted, though.

That's not very important, the thing is I wasn't expecting falling in love so quickly and so early in my life. God damn, I'm only 15. And I've actually realised there are many in very similar situations to mine.

So, going straight (how ironic) to the point, I'm very confused about how far I would/should/could go with this crush. I mean, I really want to be with him, no doubts. But if being gay in high school already wasn't bad enough, being a gay couple in high school would make things waaaaaaaaay worse.

What do you think? I think I'll just see where it goes (if it goes anywhere) with my crush first, and if it works out maybe talking to him would be the only solution, but please share your thoughts!

 

Thank both of you for answering! It really helps a lot. I think I left the things with my crush a bit vaguely, so I am going to give you some background - I had alredy done so in a previous thread but I can't seem to find it lol, so I'll just write stuff again.

I've known him now for about 4 months. At first I discovered we had stuff in common so I wanted to become friends with him, but I quickly fell for him. I didn't make a big thing out of it a first, though, I mean, what were the chances of him being gay?

I started noticing the way he acted. He was very flirty with all the guys, never talked about girls and would always joke about being gay.

Also, there was this party where two very cute girls that wanted to hook up with him, he gave silly excuses and refused (one of which was "I'm gay" in a joking tone). The same night we went to a sleepover on a friend's house and I was pretty happy because we would have to share a bed for lack of space, turns out we didn't and he'd sleep on the other side of the room. A bit later he came to my bed, got under my blanket and held my hand for a second, while mantaining serious eye contact. It was soooo cute and he then tried to touch my face, but I was with a 38,5º fever sooo I kinda backed off. That was when I started feeling REALLY attracted to him.

Following week he told everyone in our class he was gay, everyone thought he was joking since he always is. A couple of days later he started saying really gross stuff such as "in my old school I sucked my friends' cock" and I started feeling very uncomfortable around him, then he told everyone he was joking and he was straight.

Then he suddenly started annoying the crap out of me talking about this girl and how she was beautiful. It was extremelly weird since he had never talked about girls and he picked just one with a boyfriend.

He soon came back to normal, actually better. He seemed to feel very comfortable around me and we started flirting a lot, he was very cute and touchy. Sometimes we'd just hug or maintain some cute eye contact, or he'd say stuff like "you've got a warm hand, won't you hold mine forever?" (in a joking tone, of course). This day he was acting pretty awkward to me and I asked why and he said "because I feel attracted to you" (but in a joking tone) and then suddenly changed the subject.

I love drawing, and this one time he caught me drawing him on my notebook. I felt very very awkward and blushed, but he smiled and said "don't erase it". It was so cute, omg.

We chat a lot on facebook too - it's been almost 6000 messages already. We've been chatting little lately because he's on vacations, but he'll be back next week. One of our latest conversations was pretty awkward, also.

Him: Hi
Me: Hey! How's it going?
Him: I love you
Him: Fine, thanks
Him: Damn
<awkward silence until he logs out>

That's pretty much everything, I guess. :3

 

If you aren't sure you can trust him, don't come out to him.

I don't think coming out at high school is the worst thing in the world necessarily. It depends on your school. I waited until later in my junior year, but when I was 15 as you are, I wouldn't have... but I wouldn't have been the only one who had.

Sounds so frustrating though getting mixed signals. Do you think he would guess that you were gay?

 

Thanks a lot for the replies.

About him being the jokey type, that was exactly what I was thinking. Maybe he's just joking around and that's why I was hesitating, and pretty much waiting for something else coming from him, if anything would happen.

So, I saw him again this week on school. I thought that because of the time we hadn't seen each other I was quite over him, but nah. I actually fell way harder for him. Just for you to have an idea, he jokingly slapped me in the face and I suddenly got a boner.

At first I was very shy to him but soon after things were back to normal: more and more mixed signs creeping me over. It would feel quite useless to write about them, though. Anyway things kinda changed today, I was pretty much overly shy to him.

He came next to me and started singing a very cute song, while smiling and staring at me. I just went very very very veeeeeeeeeeery red like a tomato. He surely noticed it. Even when he told me it was an One Direction song, I couldn't get mad at him (I'm a metalhead, lol).

Later he came to me (cute as always) and said "look, what do you want?". I went tomato again (and again he noticed it), but he changed the subject before I could answer. Even so, I said "well... I want a lot". I must be retarded.

I feel bad, it feels like I'm not doing shit. I guess I'll try asking him out (cinema, maybe), if anything I can say "lol, just kidding" or something.

There's something else I feel bad about, and it's posting here. I mean, it feels like I'm writting something more stupid and worthless than Twillight. Thanks for reading it anyways, it just feels good to think about it a bit deeper while I write.

 

It's good to talk through things and especially because you are completely in the closet I am glad you can talk about this with people on ec People here like reading these things and helping for many various reasons (just look at how many people have viewed this post and other posts) some may be able to take peoples advice for you and apply it to themselves... So definitely no need to feel bad at all

And Other then that I agree with Gen, I hope things work out... Keep us updated

 

Thanks for being so supportive. I hope this can be taken as advice for someone

I'm so happy right now. This morning in school he was again very cute to me. Thing is, it just doesn't feel like he's joking anymore, this time it's for real. I can't really explain it.

He was quite touchy and held some of the cutest ever eye contact - even though he was veeeeery serious. It was enough hint to me, and I remembered he asked me yesterday "What do you really want?" so I just came to him and said: "You know what I really want?". He replied "Yes" (*3*) and I said "I want to go out this weekend". He kinda blushed and then he said "Well, know if there's anything good enough on the cinema?".

Oh my god, he's so cute. I'm really having a good feeling about this.

 

So good to hear ... I'd be convinced for sure!... Keep us updated please!!!

 

Uhh, nothing happened. I mean we didn't go out.

Thing is I hadn't "oficially" asked him out on Friday. I just wanted to see how he'd react, and I was going to ask him out today, but I couldn't talk to him the whole day, he just disappeared!!!

I'm still happy as fuck, though! Looking forward to this week.

Anyways, on a quite unrelated topic, I've been seeing this psychologist which my mother sent me to because her and my father got divorced and she thought I had some problem with that (which I actually don't). She is her "friend" but I was wondering if I should tell her I'm gay, or if she'd tell my mom. I have no idea if I can trust her. Any thoughts?