wish I could be straight or just not be sexual at all

Of course one day we won't need to fight anymore.
I'll never "turn my back" on my orientation. It's done nothing wrong. I'm tired of fighting too, but I know what I'm doing is right, and that's all that matters. I'm happy that I can contribute to the fight. Even if we lose (which is highly unlikely), I won't regret a thing.

 

OK, first of all, I know you value your faith A LOT, so this is really important - NO ONE can take your faith away from you, your faith in God belongs to you, it isnt something you can lose unless you choose not to believe in God. This is also VERY IMPORTANT - God & God's church on earth are two VERY seperate things.

Second, that you fight to hold on to what you want & who you are & what you believe is evidence of how strong a person you realy are. Pretty much almost everything in life can be a fight sometimes, hell, I spend most days fighting to just stay sane, but that you fight is good, its strength that God has given you bc He knows you are a fighter & he knows you want what you want & love who you choose to. God made you strong bc He knows you can handle it.

Third, these so-called various 'friends' posting things on Facebook dont seem very much to be friends to me. Anyone who cant accept you for the full totality of who you are isnt a friend. Friends can disagree with your choices, but they dont make you feel like shit for making them. Ive made some horrible decisions in my life & said really bad things, but my friends have been able to look past those little things & see me as the person I am, not the decisions I make or even that Im trans & gay. Ive had several of them state when I came out to them that my gender meant nothing to them, the person I was was who they are friends with & my changing my gender or my orientation changed NOTHING for them. THAT's what friends are, people who see you for who you are, not what you are.

Fourth, my personal view of a church is that it is just a building. People say that it us where God lives, that it's God's house, his home, BUT I have always believed that God lives in each person, so that a building of brick & electrical wire & ductwork is just what it is - a building. It is my belief that only when there are people IN a church is God truly present within that building, otherwise, its just an empty building. That said (my personal belief of course, not to be forced on anyone else), getting married in a church isnt necessarily a be all end all, at least for me. Would I like to as well? Absolutely. Does it really matter to me? NO. Why? Because as long as Im allowed to marry the person I choose to, regardless of their gender or orientation, then Im happy. Im happy bc it means that the person I choose to spend the rest of my life with is someone I am able to. Physical location of where I take my vows is irrelevant to me, bc the relevant part is that the love of my life will be holding my hand on my wedding day, looking me in the eye & saying she wants to spend the rest of her life with me as well. For me, I couldnt care less where she says that to me, bc those words & feelings from her mean more to me than where she says them. Again, of course, this is how I feel, but I certainly also believe that if someone wants to get married in a church, they should be able to.

Hang in there hun, I know you struggle with so much, but I promise that one day, the fog will lift & some things will just make more sense to you, it takes time, but it does happen! Hope at least a little of this made some sense...

As a side note, there are some people, some gay & some straight, who identify as asexual, meaning they are gay or they are straight, but they choose not to have sex at all. So just because youre gay doesnt mean you absolutely HAVE to have sex with someone. You can be gay & not feel like you have to have sex is all that Im saying...

 

One day we won't have to (*hug*)

Can I ask why you still have those people as friends? Is that really the people you want to keep around in your life? :/

The thing that makes everything better is to surround yourself with as many supportive people as you can. Friends, support groups, churches, etc. The less you have to deal with ignorant people, the better if feels.

 

I'm sorry hon, there aren't really any easy answers. But the one thing that you should definitely do is unfriend the bigots who are trying to change you. Their comments will just continue to make you feel bad.
There are churches that will accept you for who you are. You might want to look into Unitarian Universalist churches in your area.
Love and hugs. <3 (*hug*)