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When is the right time?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by heaven, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. heaven

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    Ok so today i woke up and like any other day i just ate breakfast and started watching TV! So as the day continued i decide to check my emails and i noticed that my ex responded to the email where i told her why i wanted to break up with her but however i dint tell her one of the major thing why i wanted to break up with her was because i was gay! So the email said that she got why i wanted to separate blah blah blah and that she said that this wasn't enough closure for her but for me it was! So after I finishd reading her email i just wanted to respond to her IM GAY but i just coundt i thought it was too soon but the guilt was awful after i read the email.

    So a few hours later im just texting a friend of mine and we end up on the topic of my ex and why i dumped her. So i say because i just dint see each other as a couuple and various other circumstances that i dont want to talk about. So she responds aaaah wait is it that?. So i answer her what? And she says "the way you say it sounds like something deep are u questioning your secuality?". At that moment i wanted to reply yes but of couse i answerd of course not and whatever so then a few textes later she just tells me this "Im sorry if i keep pushing you but i mean im worried xD You are actually one of my close friends no matter what dude". So after that i just droped the subject.

    So i got a few questions!
    Should I have told them?
    I came to realize and accepted my sexuality just a few weeks ago!
    Is this going too fast?
    Should I tell them in person or through i guess text, email, facebook?
    And do you think they would hold my secret until im ready to say it to the world?
     
  2. Night Rain

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    You could tell your friend. It seems that she suspected and gave you hints that she would accept you. I'm not sure about your ex.

    That was a perfect opportunity to come out to your friend... Yeah you should have. There's no "speed limit". Just do at a pace you feel comfortable with.
    Who knows? Do you trust them enough to tell them? It's what matters.
     
  3. LookingtoAffirm

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    Your friend seems like she already knows and wants to assure you that its cool with her. If its been bothering you I'm sure she's noticed, I think you should tell her. If she's a good friend she won't tell other people, especially if you tell her you aren't ready to share your sexuality with others yet.
     
  4. Bobbgooduk

    Bobbgooduk Guest

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    You should tell your friend.

    You should then arrange to meet you ex for coffee somewhere public and tell her.
    She needs to know (she'll find out eventually) and she has done nothing to deserve being made to feel she has done something wrong.

    You just need to tell her, say you're sorry for hurting her feelings but you just didn't know how to tell her.

    That will give her the closure she wants AND it will give her the opportunity to make sense of the situation. She also needs you to reassure her that SHE didn't TURN you gay - she needs to leave your relationships with dignity too.

    I think, from what I've read of your posts, that you are thoughtful and kind. Be kind to her, even if it is difficult for you. It will help heal the rift between her and you AND between your groups of friends. :smilewave
     
  5. Lad123

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    As Night Rain said, there isn't really an appropriate time to come out after accepting your sexuality.

    I think you should come out whenever you feel ready, but your friend does seem safe to come out to. Her "no matter what dude" is a clear sign that she wouldn't mind. It would be really good to have her support if you ever feel down anyway.

    As for your ex, I don't think it is necessary to tell her you're gay when you don't even feel ready to (sorry Bob). I have a suspician that she may tell everyone, especially at your age where the maturity is effectively zero, and that is something we don't want.