Really really terrible at communicating with people my age.

I'm the same way... I just feel better talking adults...

 

I've always been like that. I still remember figuring that out in first grade and deciding that I'd have to become a monk.

I found that as I aged I found more people who were able/inclined/willing to interact in a little more... mature way. Which is not to say that everyone else was hopelessly childish before, but just that the tenor of the average conversation changed. People would still joke around, but you'd be able to discuss real topics. This transition, for me, happened around halfway through high school when I found myself in mostly advanced courses, which were filled mostly with people more like me.

So I suppose I don't have a great deal of advice to dole out, but I'd say that the problem tends to resolve itself with age and experience, both on your part and on others'. The one thing I can say is that with people who maybe weren't enormously like me, I was able to mitigate the unpleasantness by trying to humanize them in my mind. I'd up to that point tended to observe people from afar, say to myself, they're not acting like I act (like a precocious mini-adult), assume they'd dislike me/I'd dislike them, and then proceed to be snarky when they'd try to talk to me. I dehumanized them, in other words, I reduced them to stupid me-disliking automatons. Eventually I learned to put a little more faith in people, and to try to humanize them by remembering that they'd all felt a bit of social anxiety at some point or another, that they had the same emotional depths and concerns that I did, even if they expressed them differently. I'm still not very good at this, but I keep fighting and it keeps improving.

I don't know if any of this will be particularly useful, but I hope it's at least comforting to know there's someone else out there who preferred the company of adults. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Being a teenager is a stage of life which has all its own problems:

1. Your peers start to take on a greater importance - up to now, you've been a part of your family and they were the centre of your attention. In your teens, the opinions of your peers start to matter more and you start to pay less attention to what your parents say and think - this is normal AND the cause of so much upset between parents and children - parents forget that they were like that once and ridiculed the older generations for being fuddy-duddy etc

2. You'll eventually move out of that stage into independence, when you'll listen to parents and peers but you'll have the confidence to make your own decisions.

3. You (might) become a parent and you take on much more responsibility, responsible not just for yourself but for others too.

You are at that stage where the opinion of your peers matters, why so many teenagers go through agonies because they feel they don't fit in, aren't liked, are different, feel awkward etc etc


Find a group of people with similar interests. Join. Force yourself to sit with people and LISTEN. After a while, make the odd comment and keep it light - don't start battering people with political opinions etc, even if you think someone is being a jerk. LISTEN.

When you get to know people a bit better through LISTENING, you will be better able to judge what contribution you can make to the conversation.

Sarcasm can be witty, but not if it's directed at people within the group - it hurts people's feelings and makes them less likely to accept you into the group.

Friendship involves a lot of effort when you're older - it's a life-skill you have to learn. You have to learn when to listen and when to speak, when to be critical and when to be supportive. Don't expect to be able to do it all at once - it takes practice - and you won't always get it right, but persevere.

If you know you're in a crabby mood, best to avoid any comment at all and if you start to feel annoyed, leave gracefully and don't leave people with the opportunity to discuss your "attitude" or "behaviour" once you've gone.

You also have to remember that every teenager (apart form the liars) has insecurities and those insecurities are part of what makes them want to avoid the insensitive jackass.

If you're able to think how your comments might be perceived BEFORE you make them or to say "That came out wrong" if you realize it as soon as it's out of your mouth, you'll be able to defuse part of the tension which exists when any group is forming.

Even adults are wary of each other when they come together for the first time - you weigh each other up and decide who might be a "threat" the only difference is, they have usually had a bit more practice, but the principle's the same.

And smile and laugh - nothing is more attractive than laughter - if you can get people to seek your friendship rather than you chase theirs, you're onto a winner!

And yes - keep smiling till your face hurts! Sunny personalities are VERY sexy - but you didn't need me to tell you that!

 

This is kind of eerie to read, it sounds almost exactly like me. :| In general, I have had difficulty interacting with people, at least those I didn't already know, if they don't engage me in conversation first. And likewise it's been even more difficult among those in my age group. Becoming more worried as to how they'd judge me or hating the fact almost nobody seemed to share my interests.

Unfortunately, I don't have much advice, as of now, but I would suggest looking into any [youth or otherwise] groups, organisations, etc. either in your school or outside of it you would be interested in joining as a way not simply to meet people, but also those who you might be able to connect with more meaningfully.

 

Many intelligent, mature-beyond-their-years people feel the same way you are feeling when they go through their school years. So, just like you, if I'm reading your post correctly, they don't try especially hard to integrate themselves with the larger student body. They content themselves to be on their own, resigning themselves to the fact that they just don't fit in. There are a LOT of people like that in high school (I assume from your age that you're about to enter high school?).

If you can find them (they're usually off sitting on their own, face in a book or on their phones, or just sitting there observing everyone else from afar) and befriend them, I'm sure you'll find people you can relate to. Not every loner will become your friend, though; you're both on the sidelines because you're different, and what makes them different might not mesh with what makes you different. But keep trying, and you'll have some success.

The other big piece of advice is, as others have said, join clubs and student organizations that are relevant to your interests. Oftentimes, you'll be in a mix of people from all grades when you join a club, and you'll probably make some great friends who are upperclassmen. I met my best friend in high school that way, and she was two grades above me at the time. Two grades might not seem like a long time, but high school can change people, quickly. I remember being asked in 11th grade if I really thought I had changed all that much since 9th grade, and my response was basically, "Are you kidding me? Of course I have." Point being, you might find that you get along with upperclassmen far better than you do with your own peers, so its worth it to try befriending them. Often times, the social hierarchies in high school can make befriending upperclassmen intimidating when you're an underclassman, but clubs can prove to be great equalizers. You already know you have something in common, so forging friendships is even easier.

 

When I was your age, I had trouble talking to people my age too. Why? On average, they're vapid assholes. I much enjoyed intelligent discourse with likeminded adults over trying to talk about something half interesting with my peers, only to be snapped at with a rude "SHUT UP!" and an immediate conversational turn onto bullshit like TV, sex, and junk food. I was shy until college precisely for this reason.

There is nothing wrong with you. Believe me when I say this. Yes, it does make finding friends harder, but that'll go away in two or three years and then you'll really start to get out there.

 

(OMG A HOMESTUCK ICON YES)

When I was your age I also had problems talking to others and sometimes out of shyness or anxiety I responded in a sarcastic way. Part of the reason too was that to me, the people in high school were like another planet to me. They were always partying and such or just total superficial assbutts, meanwhile I was more into games and stuff. I enjoyed talking to adults (or at least people that were 18+) because they were more interesting.

Like Zontar said, in a pair of years that will fade away, especially in college life. Making friends is not easy but things get better with time. Also, I guess you have us in this forum as well if you feel lonely ^^.

 

Same here... Put me in a room with anyone with at least a ten year age buffer and I'm golden. But somehow it's different with people in my own age group. I think it goes back to social anxiety for me. I think older people seem non-threatening for me. But as soon as you introduce social interaction or dating or anything in that vain with people in my own age group, and I just freeze and take a subservient role...

And that's what it comes back to for me. I'm more comfortable being submissive (very much overly so) and older people provide a convenient outlet for that. I have really low self confidence, so I always seem to seek out social interactions where I know nothing can really hurt me. It's a defense mechanism, for me at least.

 

I'm in the same position as you. But I have five brothers and a sister so I'm never really alone. I have a hard time too making friends with people my age for some reason, and I found out that I can get along better with people who are older than me (like I don't get annoyed with them). I go to cyber school now but back when I did go to regular school, I never really wanted to talk to most of my classmates because I found them obnoxious for some reason and had only about one or two actual friends.

I try to talk to people online all the time, look for people who are the same age as me and have the same interests. Sorry if this didn't really make any sense!