So I am am a new member of the site. I felt compelled to join because of the great number of positive, supportive people who seem to comment here. With the positive vibes and the sense of anonymity the internet gives one, I feel comfortable discussing something I've been too afraid and ashamed of talking to anyone about, even though I'm out to most of my friends. I hope not to bore anyone and will try to keep it short. I can't help but feel somewhat childish and immature for letting myself get so hung up on a stupid crush, especially one that is so bothersome and strange, but that happens to be my self-created predicament. I guess i can rationalize my childishness with the fact that my relationship experience is next to nill. At the age of 25, my experience in that department is surpassed by many people by the age of fifteen or sixteen. I am no stranger to fighting off thoughts and feelings that won't be reciprocated, generally most of the people I've had real romantic interest in have all been straight. This time, however, I'm left with much more to contemplate, and have yet to get the feeling that this person is interested at all in women, though if someone were to ask him, I'm sure he would say he is. In fact I could swear I've seen signs the he might share some mutual interest in me, though I fear my over-analytic self is simply over reading something that isn't there. I suppose at this point more details are in order, instead of incoherent rambling. This crush happens to be a co-worker. His dad is actually my boss, and has been for almost 6 years. He is also just shy of 19. I've known him now for around three years, but not really as a friend until quite recently. Until that point he was just one of the bosses annoying kids. Within the last 6 months or so, I've let myself grow a sense of both curiosity and genuine interest in him. He's gone out of his way to talk to me. He seems to like to be quite close to me when we are talking and the way he looks me in the eyes is, well, just different than what I'm used to. Sorry rambling again... I suppose I'm looking for opinions. The age difference alone is an issue. The fact that I'm friends with his family is awkward. Being that I work with many of my friends, they all know him too, making things even more awkward. I'm still in the process of analyzing his sexuality, but it's quite difficult because I am afraid to so mush as talk to him too much(for fear of someone finding out my feelings), let alone trying to be his friend. Maybe I'm being over-critical and should do what feels right despite what others may think. On the other hand I might be better off just letting go the best I can and trying to move on.
Hey there, and welcome to the site! First of all, before I get to this guy, I wanted to point out that I notice you talk about a lot of interests in people that you don't expect to be reciprocated - when you mention that you're "no stranger to fighting off thoughts and feelings that won't be reciprocated," it makes me wonder how much you explored those feelings first (and how sure you were that they wouldn't be reciprocated). I'm going to take a total shot in the dark and guess: not much. So what I'm about to suggest is based partly on that assumption. What you're describing here is a guy who is maybe a year or two under your "weird age dating limit" (a slippery category if ever there was one). But he's not *that* far outside of what might be considered normal. Beyond that, you get along with his family, he likes to talk to you, you're getting flirty vibes and maybe feeling like he's not totally hetero - under normal circumstances, this would be a perfect thing to explore. Granted, the fact that his dad's your boss throws a wrench into things, but hey, nobody's perfect. Essentially, I would advise you to do the same thing I would advise anyone with a light crush to do - spend some more time with him. Try being friends for starters. Sure, you're attracted to him right now, but maybe there's something about him that would really turn you off. Maybe there's a deeper reason you'd like him that you just don't know about yet. Maybe he's attracted to guys, and maybe he isn't, but the only way to cut through all these hypotheticals is to actually get to know him better, which is something you can do with no fear of any negative consequences. I'm not saying jump into dating mode - just try hanging out a few times. See if there's some event that he wants to hang out with you at. Maybe he's into a video game that you have and he wouldn't mind hanging out and playing it for a while - or he'd like to watch a (sports) game in person or on tv. Or, depending on where you work, maybe there's some job you have at home that he could help you out with. You already know he likes talking to you, so try to get to know him. Now, as before, an extra degree of caution here might be warranted, seeing as how he is, after all, your boss' son. If things actually go the direction you're hoping, I would advise calm, restrained discussion instead of passionate outbursts. But it might not be a bad idea to step outside your comfort zone a little bit. Worst case scenario(s), you make a new friend, or you find out some reason that he's not everything you thought he was, and you don't have to suffer in silence anymore.
I agree with Gravity. You have a crush, but even if there is no mileage in it, you have the opportunity to become good friends, and a good friend is worth his weight in gold. I can't see any problem in going out for a beer together, play pool or go to a match - whatever his interests or yours. I don't imagine his family will mind you being buddies either. Just get to know him better and see where it goes - worry about the possible ramifications when there's a need to. Have fun, and don't stress out too much.:smilewave
I'd be very cautious about romantic interests with fellow workers, male or female, straight or gay. Crushes don't last and the split, especially when it involves a co-worker and doubly-especially if it involves the boss's son, can be a job ending. I suggest you maintain a friendship and try to determine whether or not he would be accepting of you if he knew you were gay (I assume he doesn't). The last thing you want is to approach him and find he's homophobic and feels your move was sexual harassment.
Well the only way you will know more about his sexuality beyond assumptions (you know what they say, Assumptions is the mother of all fuck ups) is to maybe talk about lgbt related things. Thing that can't implicate you to be part of the community, but more in what is happening in the news about the lgbt community, things in general. Based on this conversation, you'll have a better understanding where he stands. Based on where he stands can you maybe take it further or just let it go. But don't stop being his friend though. If he's OK with lgbt people but straight himself, then you guys can be friends, I would just tell him about your sexuality later on when the friendship is stronger, cause friends deserve to know. It could be that he himself is in the closet, maybe due to his parents that could be homophobic, which can put a strain on any kind of relationship. So talk about lgbt related news will give you a better indication on what to do next.
Thank you, everyone for responding. I greatly appreciate everyone's advice. Everything you have all said makes a great deal of sense, and logic and common sense are usually my strong points. I've been trying to work myself through my feelings using logic and reasoning, though romantic feelings and logic are like yin and yang... Gravity, I must admit that your initial assumption is mostly correct. I guess i have a habit of assuming the worst until proven wrong. Looking back on my small mental list of guys I've felt any connection with, and had any substantive feelings for, most have been fairly obviously straight from the get go. One I am still unsure of, and the only "out" guy I've had any real interest in seemed to only have minor physical interest in me, and only when he simply wanted to get off.(I'm not into purely sexual relationships, even though the two relationships I've been in have been based only on physical attraction.) I've been left with a fairly pessimistic view on the subject of building friendship into something more. I like that the consensus here is to work on friendship, as that is my actual goal. My feelings have just manifested themselves differently than before. It wasn't until after getting to know him more, and realizing that we share a lot of common interests, that I found myself actually interested in him. And it wasn't until after I had accepted my own feelings for him that I began to develop a physical attraction to him, as he is not typically what i find physically attractive. What I find most striking about him is his sense of intelligence, which far surpasses most people just ending their teenage years. What I find most difficult is just trying to develop a real friendship. I'm too hung up on what other people may think. I feel completely comfortable and at ease in his presence, but am afraid to show even remote interest for fear of someone else realizing my true feelings. Is it reasonable at all for me to feel this way even being mostly out? My closeness to his family offers me both positive and negative reassurance. My deep respect and admiration for my boss (his dad) makes me want to completely shut off any feelings I may have. Yet at the same time, knowing that respect is mutual, I feel that if things were to work out in a way similar to my hopes, that there would be a sense of acceptance as his parents know me well, and know that I'm a goodhearted person with pure intentions. Is it normal for someone to worry so much about judgement from other people?
It may or may not be reasonable. It can be frightening to wear your heart on your sleeve that way, regardless of how out one is. Just focus on the fact that, for now, you feel "comfortable and at ease in his presence." In time, you may realize that you're comfortable saying something to him about how you feel. In this case, the situation is perhaps encouraging you to worry about others' judgment a little more - but even so, I'd say it's pretty natural. Though, as you point out, you've already received some judgment from his parents - and it's been favorable.
this is good advice, as well as something I hadn't really thought much about. I will definitely keep it in mind.
This makes so much sense. Helps me put things into perspective a little better. He is a bigger nerd than I am so there is a lot of common ground between us. I think I should stop worrying about what other people may think and just work towards being better friends. I'm just afraid of becoming closer with this guy and developing even stronger feelings for him, just to find out later that there is no possibility of him returning my feelings. I plan to start out talking about my sexuality and going from there. I've been trying so hard these last couple of years to not let myself develop feelings for anyone, but this sort of came out of nowhere and without me even realizing it. I've been trying to consciously suppress my feelings for this guy but something about him is subconsciously haunting my thoughts.
