I'm a mid-20's gay guy and am relatively new to the whole gay relationship thing. For the moment, after years of crippling self-esteem issues I've finally managed to come out of it with a degree of confidence. Well, this has resulted in me being asked out by A LOT of guys. I'm not someone who does well with choice because my problem is I always seem to think that the 'grass is greener on the other side'. So when I do start going out with a guy my tendency is to want to break up and keep 'exploring' because I feel like I have a lot of choice at the moment (don't worry going bald so the self-esteem issues will come back haha). But I wonder if this is normal? So I guess what I'm asking is if I'm with a guy and there is a really big part of me that wants to 'keep exploring', is that a sign that the relationship isn't working? I know it's my tendency to think this way with non-relationship things but at the same time I wonder if I was with someone who was "right" for me (and I'm not talking about looks or personality but just my connection with that person)?
If you've only just found yourself, I think it's too soon to be choosing the curtains and matching throws anyway! There is nothing wrong with seeing more than one person, provided everyone is honest and up-front. If someone asks you out, provided you make it clear you are seeing other people from the outset, I think that should be fine. I continued to meet people from the dating agency even after I had met my now partner. He joined a year before me and was "Date of the Year" (read slut) and I even found myself going out with people he'd been out with the year before which was weird! Eventually, I stopped seeing others and concentrated my efforts on one. Even then, we kept our options open - we both suspended our membership which meant we could go back if it didn't work out. It did and we've been together 14 years in October this year.
Yeah as Bobbgooduk have said, if you just found yourself, rather keep away from relationships for a while. To say that you are gay has more to it than that. You still have to find out what your preference is in guys and the only way to do that is to explore. eventually you'll have a better understanding on what it is you are looking for in a guy and can then start a committed relationship.
Is this normal and does it say something: with some guys I can see a relationship going on indefinitely but with other relationships I can picture it ending. But in those cases I can usually picture it ending after a couple years and I'm not sure if I should take that as an omen, the fact that I can see myself spending a couple years with a guy but can't picture spending my life with that guy. Now, I'm not concerning myself with marriages and picking out curtains at the outset of a relationship but I'm just wondering if I should trust that instinct. I think I either want something fun and casual or something that is indefinite, I went out with a guy once who had a couple of year and a half relationships previously where he broke up with the guy because he got "bored" and I ended it because I was like I don't want to invest a year and a half into a relationship if he's just going to get bored!
Trust the instinct. Stick to the ones you feel a possibility with and don't invest time and emotion into relationships you just can't see surviving. Some people are destined to be serial monogamists and it doesn't matter how hard you try, they're going to get bored and move on. There is a theory that that is how CAVEMAN was supposed to behave and the whole marriage for life things is a social construct rather than a "natural" state of affairs. I can see both sides of the argument, but I think it's down to us all as individuals to decide what we want for ourselves - and instinct is important in that respect.
For me I didn't really explore after I came out..I went out with 2 guys, one date with one, two with the other and I didn't like them. Then I went out with the guy I'm with now and have been with him for 3 months =) But, I'm a romantic at heart...I love the idea of love so I have 0 interest in "exploreing" with a bunch of guys. Just do whatever feels right for you. =)
I explored a little (read: more than I should've ) after I came out. It was important, because I realized that, at least for me, personality and intelligence are more essential than physical attraction, though that is important as well. If you contrast that with a friend of mine (who's actually kind of a love interest :lol, he never did any exploring, he just tried to start dating from the outset. Now, he's gone on dates, yeah, but they by and large treated him like crap and even though we Skype and have a lot of 1-on-1 stuff planned when we get back to school, I'm a little uneasy because I'm not sure if he's realized he can be into guys that aren't just like the ones he's been out with. Obviously, whether you choose to explore first or jump into dating, it's your choice But just remember that there are benefits and drawbacks to both approach, and as has been said above, do what feels right to YOU. Twisty
well to be honest, I never even guess my relationship would be that long. I at first saw it as something casual cause it's my first relationship and he isn't even my type. But the funny thing about love... I mean real love, is that it gets to you whether you want it or not. Now, I can't even imagine my life without my hubby. What we do to spice up the sex life and keep the relationship healthy? Communication. It's very important. Also once in a while we would have a 3some, but very strictly controlled. We would talk about it before hand the the third person must be trust worthy. though this isn't what everyone likes, but it works for us. Also we would talk to the 3rd person and set the rules hubby and I discussed before hand. Like we would never have sexual intercourse with the person, but we still make it worth his and our whiles.
if you find someone worth settling down with you wont want to explore anymore. I think its that simple.
