Last month i came out to my bff, and he took fine, but lately he seems to act as if it never happened. He uses gay negatively and "fag" all the time. If I mention the word gay in any sentance he acts weirdly and quickly changes the subject, it's like he is willing to accept me when we are not face-to-face. It king depresses me and I feel like as if it never happened. I don't know if I should confront him about it or just leave it be.
It sounds to me like he's in denial. I don't really have any advice for you, but there's a thread aout the 5 stages of grief that might help a little. Wish I could be more helpful.
It sounds to me like he's trying to figure out what all this means. I think it would be good to have a one on one conversation with him about it.
I am kind of afraid that it might start a fight between us and that would be the worst! He is the only one at school who knows and we have been friends since before kindergarden, I wouldn't want this to ruin our friendship.
i have a somewhat similar situation, my friend is incredibly supportive whenever we are talking online but he gets really uncomfortable or acts like it isnt true if we mention it in person, but i think that goes more to the fact that he might be closeted (although he is impossible to read sometimes). i think you should definitely talk to your friend and let him know what you think, you can do that without putting your friendship at risk...friends should be honest
I haven't asked him yet cause I am still kinda unsure as to what i should say to him. I don't want to him to make him feel bad about something he dosen't realize he is doing.
If he's really as good a friend as you say, he's just adjusting to the new reality you showed him. Take your time. He'll get out of it eventually. Maybe send him some links to GLBT sites that might help him.
I'm in the same place as you.... we're cool with each other, but it's just not quite the same... I find that he is, in an extremely subtle way, more reserved and cautious around me. I'm kind of ready to just say that I don't want to rape him and that I don't have an enormous man-crush on him, and that I never wanted anything to change between us. It sounds silly, but I find it far more silly to have this sort of shell of our former friendship and not do anything about it...
His off kilter response does not seem that unusual to me. If you think about it, now that he knows this he may be evaluating some of the events of your friendship from the new perception of you liking men; for instance, I put money down on thinking there has been at least one instance where you have done something big for him out of friendship, like paid for something or were extra supportive, whatever. It is entirely possible that he may think you have a bit of a crush on him. Whether that is true or not, it is important that you let him know that your coming out does not mean that the nature of your friendship with him changes.
I talked to him about it today, He seemed more open to talk. like I think he just needed the time to work everything out. Also, he said that he realized that he was saying some things that might hurt me, and that he would try and stop, I told him I understand taht it used to be part of his every day speech. I can also garentee that I don't have a crush on him and I think he knows that. I am just happy that today he started acting normal again.
THATS GREAT>> ^^^ i was about to give advice but lucky i saw astaroth's post<<<< anway i'm happy 4 you!
thanks we just talked for like 2 hours and we kind of just got every thing out there i feel like i am carrying less of a burden now.
Exactly. Different people react to the news of coming out different ways-some accept it straight away and nothing changes, while others are weirded out and for some reason think that it changes things. Give him some time, but definatly try and talk him through this if he wants you to.
