Ok, so I realize this says bad idea all over it, and no one is allowed to judge me. Seriously, don't judge this like "wow rx79g, are you that dumb?" or "You're a slut". Also no one comment on any obvious paranoia in the first part of this thread. Actually, perhaps you should just disregard this whole paragraph. Anyway, I have a friend named ABC. Some background on ABC: we've been friends since elementary school. We used to not get along for a while in elementary but we got along after 7th grade until now (beginning of senior year). We've been really close. This is about to get... slightly graphic. We learned about masturbation around the same time and we would masturbate together (not each other) while watching porn. It actually became a large part of our friendship and we kept doing it up until I came out to him last summer. When we hang out we often just go walking around his neighborhood and every time he always says, "I bet my mom thinks we're gay". He says things like how he thinks Ryan Renolds is really hot and how he would "totally suck his dick". When I came out to him he made sure I knew he wasn't gay. Without being prompted he told me he didn't feel attracted to guys at all. He is constantly talking about girls that he thinks are hot, or just looks at all of his girl friends' pictures on facebook and tells me how he wants to nail them. Honestly it all strikes me as an over the top cover. I really think he just won't admit that he's gay. This brings me about to the question here (btw, a medal to anyone still reading). He's far too busy to be in a relationship. In fairness I think he's sexy as hell and I've fantasized about him a lot but I wouldn't want a relationship with him. I am pretty sure that I'm gay, but despite what a lot of people say I want to have had a little experience with a guy before I come out. I am really tempted to just go for it and try to kiss him. I feel like worst case scenario he won't be my friend anymore, which wouldn't be a huge deal because we barely see each other (he's really busy) and we don't get along as well as we used to. We go to different schools and don't know any of the same people. I don't see any way for it to really bite me in the butt too much. I figure best case scenario I get somebody to experiment with a bit. What I'm asking is what you guys think. I understand that this kind of thing comes up a lot, but I figured since I'm not worried about losing the friend it was a little different than most situations. Anywho, if someone reads all of this than they are seriously an amazing person.
If you guys stopped masturbating together when you came out to him (i assume he didn't want to anymore after?), it would seem to me like he's not interested in guys. If he was, he'd still want to do it? Another thought too - I have a straight friend that says "Ryan Gosling" is hot / good looking, and jokes sexually about him, but hes straight. I wouldn't look TOO deep into what he says. A lot of my guy friends joke around like that. At the end of the day though, he might be gay, he might not. He might also be confused. If you don't mind risking loosing a friendship - sure go kiss him I guess. I personally wouldn't do that myself though. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was bi until I was about 18. If my friend had kissed me before that I might have freaked out or pushed him away from me. Good luck dude!
To me, it sounds like he is likely gay. The problem with this situation (as I'm sure you know) is that this is not something you can press. Someone else acknowledging your sexuality to you before you've totally accepted it is the SCARIEST thing in the entire world. I think we've all been there. It won't do either of you any good to go there. I suppose if this relationship is completely disposable, then it really doesn't matter, but if you care about his well-being, then I wouldn't go for it.
If you were masturbating together at 15, 16, AND he's making the comments about sucking a guy's dick... and the masturbation only stopped when you came out to him, my guess is that he is probably either gay or somewhere on the bi-to-gay spectrum. Likely he stopped doing stuff with you because he isn't anywhere near ready to come out, and is perhaps in denial himself, in which case, there might be a "Oh, well, if I don't do anything with this gay guy any more, then I must not be gay" going on. So, since he's probably either deep in the closet or in denial, it is probably not the best idea to push your luck. First, it might be really upsetting to him, and second, it would likely end your friendship, and in spite of what you say, it sounds like a friendship that might be worth keeping. Finally, the above is conjecture, and we can't know for sure. It's possible he's straight. But I doubt it
I have straight male friends that think some guys, especially celebrities, are good lucking. They like to joke around about those stuff. I don't know, to me, I wouldn't really look into it. I don't think you should kiss him though. It could upset him, and you're totally risking your friendship. Buuut, he could always be into guys though. He could be confused, or in denial. I don't know. Good luck though.
What if I had a more serious conversation with him about it? That way I don't do any possible psychological damage to him by kissing him, but still find out if we could have something. He's been really understanding about me being gay so even if it's a slight bit awkward I don't think he'd fly off the hook if I said I was attracted to him. He'd maybe just stop wrestling me/ straddling me and pinning my arms down, but that might be a good thing because that just adds fuel to the problem.
Depending on how close you are, emotionally, as a friend, you could have a heart-to-heart and say "You've said some things that make me wonder if maybe you're questioning your own sexuality" and then talk about the things he's said, and say something about how hard it was for you to come to terms with the idea you might not be straight and you could imagine that, for him, if that was the case, it might be hard for him too. I had a friend I met in a work environment when he was 18 and I was in my early 30s. Everyone who met him absolutely knew he was a closeted poof, but he came from a very small town in the midwest and was a major presence at his church, and was in a long-term relationship with a woman 15 years older than he was. Various people gently tried to tell him that he might want to explore his sexuality but he insisted he was straight. Even 10 years later, when he obviously had a boyfriend but still insisted it was "just a friend", I had to basically force the issue before he felt comfortable coming out. So for some people it's much harder than others. Hopefully, *if* your friend is gay or bi, it will be easier for him.
My best friend who is straight always says he would have sex with and marry David Beckham, purely because he idolizes him. I'm pretty sure he's straight. I wouldn't take that as any form of evidence. Rather than kissing him, just be a little flirty and see how he takes it...if it gets awkward, back off, but if he goes along with it, carry on. I'm not the best person to give advice on this...xD
all I can say is that I had to be prompted to come out to the first person, a gay acquaintance asked me on fb and I said yes, so maybe if you ask him outright if he's gay over some sort form of social media that takes away those social anxieties you might catch him offguard and he might admit his orientation in a moment of madness? on the flip side, the fact that he has to affirm his sexuality all the time by being over the top shows that he clearly does not want to have his sexuality challenged. I'd possibly leave it unless you aren't that bothered about being his friend anymore if it goes wrong. Maybe some time in the future, if he is gay, there might be a chance for something to happen between you two but as of now I don't think he's reached self-acceptance. ps: I assume you watched straight porn when masturbating together??? if not then that's a total givaway haha!
I wouldn't look into what he said about ryan reynolds too much. From what I've seen is that everyone including straight people are gay for at least one person. I would say don't try to kiss him, a good friend is hard to come by, and even if you're not as close as you have been, you still have something going. Talking would probably be the best option. Just ask him about it, or bring it up in a conversation or something, and if he still denies it, don't push it. Let it go for a while and let him figure things out.
