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Stay with him?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by alexi12, Aug 5, 2012.

  1. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    I don't know if should stay with him or not.

    I met this guy at a camp that I was at for three weeks, and as the camp ended, I wasn't sure if anything would work beyond that... but I decided that I want to give the effort to figure out if anything will amount with him.

    It has been over a week now, and we text some... but his responses are rarely more then one or two words. I've said we should skype and he has agreed but has bailed on me twice. I have only talked to him on the phone once in the last 10 days.

    The two times he bailed on me were last night and today... last night he said he went to sleep... but it said on facebook that he was online. He was very apologetic... and then I texted him back saying that it's ok, but I miss hearing and seeing him. Then he said we can skype today anytime. So I told him I'd let him know when I got home.. When I did he said he'd be able to in a little bit but he had to eat first... then I saw on facebook that he commented on someone's status, which was "I'm bored, anyone want to hang"... and he responded yes. He didn't text me at all, so idk what to think of that... I guess I'll wait and see.

    But is it worth it at all? We are going to college in a couple weeks and we will be nowhere near each other (2 hrs. away).. and we are currently nowhere near each other either. I can't tell if he is actually interested, and I would probably be able to tell better if I actually talked to him, but it never seems to work.

    My worries are that I will either end something that had a lot of potential, or that I will hang on for too long for something that I don't think will work. Any advice would be good... I don't know if I should say something, or what I would say... or if I should just wait (i'm not in a huge hurry), or if I should just end it asap... Thanks for reading :slight_smile:
     
  2. Romi

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    Let me start by saying that nobody other than you can decide what is best to do in this situation. But if you're asking for personal opinions and advice then I'll lend mine with as minimal rambling as possible.

    For starters I would like to point out that communication is the absolute key to making any kind of relationship work. It also seems to be the major thing missing here. Without communication there are going to be undoubted assumptions [wrong and right], and a level of confusion that just isn't healthy. No one should ever stress out about whether or not the person they like is into them or not.

    You already stated that you can't tell if he's actually interested or not. From my personal experience dealing with my own relationships and those of my friends...if you're having that hard of time knowing whether or not he's into you...then chances are, as sad as it may seem, he probably has other things on his mind. In which case...darling you deserve better.

    If a guy is into you, and I mean really into you to the point where he wants to try and make things work...then you're going to know it. He'll put forth the needed effort. This guy obviously isn't doing that. And if he can't put forth effort now, then how hard is it going to be for him later down the line, ya know?

    Then there's the fact that you're about to move away for college in a few weeks. Take it from somewhere who's been there and done that. You've probably heard it all before, and that's mostly because it's true. You are going to meet so many new people when you get to college. There are going to be all kinds of new and exciting opportunities for you. I'm not saying they are all going to be winners, but the things you experience there are going to shape you into the person you were always meant to become.

    I have seen so many people come to university in a relationship already. Those that are truly in love and committed do fine. But when they're with someone that they're not happy with or not sure about, you can tell. And it leads to some really bad break ups. So if you can go in single and on your own, I would completely recommend doing so. There is nothing wrong with being single, especially when you're starting a new chapter in your life that is going to expose you to so many different things.

    I hope that I've helped shed a little light on the situation. Good luck with everything, hun. I'm pulling for your happiness.(*hug*)
     
    #2 Romi, Aug 5, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2012
  3. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    He texted me saying he'd be home later... so I'll update this after we skype, but I think your advice was just what i needed romi... as painful as it is to admit
     
  4. Romi

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    Things will work out. Maybe not the way you had hoped they would, but things always work out the way they're supposed to, even if we don't realize it. And sometimes its crap. But it will always get better. I know it's probably too late to say this, bt I hope the Skype convo goes well. I'll be here if you need me! :]
     
  5. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    it was not that lengthy and kinda boring... he said he wanted to get ready for bed because he was tired, but he still seems attached in some ways... he's still flirty

    Now i'm not really all that attached to him... so i'll be fine, i just don't feel like facing the reality of it. I'll probably see how the week goes, but I think going into college single is the right path.

    Another thing is that he doesn't seem very confident about things in general... he's said before although not recently that he really thinks he's awkward and he can never take a compliment about looking good. Do you think maybe he could be nervous to talk to me and therefore not act natural or loose? Does it matter?

    Either way, thanks for the support :slight_smile:
     
  6. angiemari

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    Good luck! I agree with romi as hard as that may seem. See how the week goes and let us know hopefully it turns out how you want it to!
     
  7. Gravity

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    If I remember right, your earlier thread about this guy was about acknowledging the fact that there was no long-term potential, and whether or not to pursue anything in the short-term. So, despite the fact that the immediate search for a skype conversation is over, my question would be: what changed? What made you want to pursue a long-distance situation in the first place? And, equally importantly, does that goal (or do those benefits) still seem achievable?

    Not acting very confident can be its own red flag, to be honest. It might seem like you just have to lay on an extra compliment every so often, but it can have its own problems down the road (defeatist thinking - "he must not really care about me, so..."). Hard to say because things are still so new with you two, though.

    In any case, this is just my personal feeling, but I would ignore the geography. Two hours is far enough that you probably won't see each other every day, but you wouldn't need to hop on a plane either. Focus on the things that are concerning you here and now, and you'll have your answer.
     
  8. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    @Gravity- Yes you remember correctly. I will fill in the holes for you. So I saw much more to him then I did at first. He was much more sweet and he genuinely seems to care about me... more so when I was at camp and he actually saw me.

    I was debating if I should even bother trying long distance and I figured I may as well give it a go in case it would amount to something significant and meaningful. My gut instinct was that it wouldn't work at all, but not having much experience, I didn't trust myself. I figured we would talk more and if it would amount to anything then I would know... and the reason I hesitate to end it now is because we haven't talked much so I don't want to miss out if it would be a good fit. But I don't think it is going to work simply because he doesn't seem genuinely interested and if he is, we don't even have good conversation.

    I don't think the goals/benefits still seem reachable at all, but I'll give it a couple more days.

    I think a part of me wanted a fun time at camp to become something more legitimate because I haven't had any sort of functional relationship before... just one other bad experience... but I'm coming more to a reality now.
     
  9. Romi

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    Realization is always a wonderful thing, even if at the time it's a crudtastic thing. In the end, realizations are good. No matter what you decide to do, I'm pulling for you. Because you deserve to have an awesome guy. :]