I know I haven't posted on this web site for some time and the reason for that is because I thought I was making progress. I'm more or less back at the start with being gay and trying to realise it's something I can't change and the more I try to ignore it the harder it gets. I'm still having trouble accepting that it's who I am and I can't change it. Last Friday I met up with a guy of the Internet (he's gay), we had been chatting online for over 10 years so it was something we'd always talked about doing but never got round to it. Anyway after lots of texts and talking online he said he'd help me to come to terms with being gay. To cut a really long story short he spent the night complaining about his ex and because I wouldn't go out with him we stopped talking. I drove home and he found his own way home (I never leave someone behind but he more than insisted). So now I feel crap and this site is my only contact to the LGBT world. I still can't accept myself and I can't even bring myself to mention the words. I've searched just about every LGBT support web site on the Internet and I'm lost. I don't think I'm looking for answers as I know what's happening in my life I'm just looking for support.
(*hug*) ---------- Post added 6th Aug 2012 at 05:30 PM ---------- When you say "you wouldn't go out with him" do you mean he wanted to to take over where his ex had left off, as his love interest? In truth, that doesn't even come close to helping YOU at all. I'm not surprised you ended up not talking. You must have been very disappointed that you didn't get the support you thought he was offering. I know you have no answers and you feel disappointed that you have apparently made "no further progress" - there is no answer which explains why things sometimes go wrong like this. Is he the only friend to whom you are open? You know there are a lot of friends here (&&&)
yes he wanted me to replace his ex as his boyfriend. I thought after talking online for so long he would have understood how difficult this is for me. He's just made my view of all gay people having 'one thing on their mind' even strong. He was the only gay person I knew and was really my last chance to actually making any progress. So now I'm lost again and really hate having to keep posting
You're demanding too much of yourself - some of us have to take our time coming to terms with our sexuality and the implications it will have on our lives. This really ISN'T your only opportunity. Yes, it's a set back for you, but you just have to get back in the saddle and try again, like learning to ride a bike - it takes practice and perseverance. If this is the only gay guy you knew, you can't make general assumptions, even if this experience does confirm what you've "heard" about gay men. We really are all different. There are straight guys who seem to be out for only one thing and there are the romantics too. In my opinion, there is no better way to get to know people than through personal contact - the internet can be a substitute, but it's not the same - you don't get to see the body-language or the nuances of the voice. If all this is important to you, if it is something you feel you need to explore, I would encourage you to try to join a gay-friendly club or society. If you live in a city with a university or college, they often have "GAYSOCs as we called them back in the days of steam. Contact them and see if they would consider letting you join. What about TimeOut or local newspapers - you'd be surprised at the events that are organized to help people come into contact with each other. You might have to travel a bit, but it would be worth it. If you've spent the last 10 years leading up to this, I really can understand your disappointment, but you can't allow yourself to fall at the first fence. You owe it to yourself to try again until you've found out what you want to know about yourself. Good luck - and don't forget your friends here. You could even post a thread here anonymously asking if there is anyone from your area and if THEY have any recommendations of events and places to go. :smilewave
First of all: (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) There really is no similar disappointment to being disappointed in a friend. Especially one you hoped would be able to help. However: you should not yet give up hope. You're not "unable to deal with it", or "too late to deal with it". Until I was 25, I was in exactly the same situation like you: I did know I was gay (though I was good at not consciously knowing 99% of the time), but it always felt better to just not think about it for one more day, or to skip that one more opportunity to tell someone. Or to hope that I would someday find out it was all a bad dream. By the end, I was starting to worry that behind the anxiety, there was not much personality left. ...but if someone like me (a slave to social anxiety if there ever was one), can eventually get better, I'm absolutely sure you'll yet manage to accept yourself! I will admit that in my case it took coming out to feel comfortable. Seems kind of self-defeating, but after I decided things couldn't possibly get worse and told one friend, I found out that friend didn't care one bit. That, if anything, made me snap out of it with a "wow, maybe this sexuality I've been denying for so long... doesn't matter at all! :eek:" So... maybe it would help mentioning it (and sending a message online, or telling it over chat is perfectly OK. First person I came out to was on MSN chat, after about 50 tries of typing the cryptic: "I might not be interested in dating girls at all"). Do you perchance have any straight friends who you don't think would mind at all and can keep a secret? Sometimes that first step can have a snowball effect. In any case: all I have to offer on the internet are words and e-hugs. But for what they're worth: you're not alone. It's a tough situation, but it's not uncommon. And as someone who got past it, I can tell you: it's never too late or impossible. (*hug*)
