Coming Out Curiositiy

A lot of the things you said about why you like girls more sound more like stereotypes of girls than anything. Do you not have those things in your relationship now? It's possible that your feeling attracted to the idea of girls for those reasons and not because you're a lesbian.

On the total flipside, it could be you're feeling this way because you are a lesbian. No one can tell stuff like that except you. You can ask yourself things like whatsex you're more attracted to but that can be very hard to do objectively.

The best way I've found (and I've tried a lot) is to mentally live a week as if you're a lesbian. Check out girls and whatever and just internalize the idea. If after a bit it starts feeling more natural to you than thinking you are straight or bi than you may be a lesbian.

Some bi people swing back and forth in their preferences. It's possible that you're just on one end of the swing.

If you haven't figured it out by now 1.) I'm really bad with advice and 2.) no one can tell you what you are. Just try to think about how you feel naturally, like who you check out or fantasize about. And try not to beat yourself up about it, that just makes it worse.

 

Is there a reason you're still with this guy?

Lex

 

I do not have good advice but from what you describe, I perfectly understand what it is that makes you question your feelings. Giving yourself time and space to bring your emotions to the surface should help you to figure out what it is you really want in a relationship. How happy have you been with both your current and ex-boyfriend?

Orientation is super confusing sometimes. I was with a guy for ten years (very in denial) but am now 95% sure I am gay. I just know and I think I always have. So in my experience, instinct plays a big part. I connect very well emotionally to men but the physical attraction is just not the same. We are all different, and have different degrees of attraction for each gender, which goes to show just how grey orientation can be.

No easy answers, but time and space and being kind to yourself,

Best,

Rose

 

What's important to remember here is that like you know, stereotypes are stereotypes. So there will be women that will not give you what you're looking for, and there will also be men that will give you what you're looking for. Traits that are less sexually-driven like you've listed are not exclusive to males or females (though, they are more likely to be found in females).

Technically speaking, in being gay (or lesbian, in this case) it's with regards to your sexual orientation. Who are you sexually attracted to? It's possible you could be heterosexual and homoromantic or something. Try asking yourself this: would you date a guy if he was more "sensitive" in the ways you listed before?

You can also be bi to some extent too, just with a preference for women. That also means you're free to date men; it could just so be that you're only meeting with men rather than women. It happens.

If you're single now (and presumably looking to date), you sound pretty comfortable with the idea of liking women. Why not just let yourself date whoever you find attractive and go from there? You don't have to explicitly label yourself as bi or lesbian to date women (though if you were looking specifically for women, I guess it'd help).