I am about to cry as I am typing this. I am not lesbian or bi or transgender, but seeing as everyone on this site is sexually different in some way, I figured it would be a good place to try and figure out my sexual differences too. I have a fetish, and I have for a long time. And it's taken me quite a while to come around to that idea, and it involved cutting and (failing to be) anorexic. But I did it, and I am comfortable with who I am. But then a couple of months ago my mom was trying to clear some space off on my computer, and she found some stuff I had looked at. Unfortunately, yes, I did get my hands on some porn, but I have sworn it off. Problem is, my dad was looking at some too (GASP!!!!) And she blamed him. So I was kind of forced to tell my parents. So... now she knows. I thought she had come to terms with it, but then I read her something I had written that involved some of the fetish, and now my life is falling apart. She thinks she is a failure as a mother, that I hate her, and I feel like a piece of Sh*t myself, and I have started cutting again, I'm crying.... I just need some advice on what to do to help get me through this, because as it stands right now I feel like I have completely ruined my relationship with my mom, when we were so close, and I just want to die. I'm crying right now and I need some advice! :help:
Just hang in there, reassure your mother, and let her work out the rest in her head. You haven't ruined the relationship, your mom will come back around, don't worry. And I can't stress more that cutting yourself isn't helping, so much as it might seem, it will only make things worse. Things will get back up, you just need to wait. "It's always darkest before the dawn."
I just want to tell you that cutting just doesn't help, I can promise you that it doesn't because I've been in your shoes before. Just hang in there and I promise that things will get better. (*hug*)
I think it's best if you just avoid mentioning that incident, and just let this lie. Just tell her that you love her and show her that you're still the same person.
Dieting only leads to ugly scars that you cannot get rid of. It makes me very uncomfortable when people ask about my scars, most of the time I just brush people off. Cutting is a very unhealthy coping mechanism and perhaps, you should discuss it with your Mom. My Mom forced me to get help especially when she discovered how deeply troubled I was emotionally. I think your Mom needs time, it's not meant for her to understand now, but I'm sure in time she will. It's so hard to get kids to discuss certain things with their parents, so she should be happy that you've confided in her. And it's okay to cry, but please stop cutting; I started wearing a rubber band around my wrist and I'd pop it everytime I was tempted to cut. There are other healthy ways to deal with what you're going through. Being on EC has helped me a lot, so whenever you need help, we're all here for you.
Butterthecat23, I am sorry that you are feeling so lost right now. I am speaking as a parent right now so bear with me as I try to give you a little insight as to how we tend to think when it comes to our kids. When people become parents I think that we begin dreaming about what our little one's life will be like from the moment they take their first breath. I guess you could say we create this hypothetical world where we try so hard to be the "perfect parent" and that our kids become this image that we have created for them. The thing that we parents don't realize all of the time is that our children are real people with their own thoughts, curiosities, and goals. In speaking for myself and my own teenage children, when they kind of stray from this mental image I have created in my mind I feel like somehow I have failed them as a parent. It is a normal reaction for parents to feel this way when things don't go as we have imagined. Sometimes we feel this way because we're not sure how to process situations such as what you described in your thread. I know that right now you are hurting but doing physical harm to yourself is not the answer. What I want you to think about is how close you said you were to your mom. Right now I think that perhaps you may be feeling the way you are is perhaps you may be feeling a little embarrassed. Look at it this way, I can certainly guarantee your father is feeling a little bit embarrassed himself! Give yourself a little time to get over this initial feeling and then talk with your mom. Things will work out for you and your mom. It may take some talking and some tears but you will get through this. Now I have to go into my "DAD" mode here, I am concerned about your cutting. I would like you to consider talking with your parents (perhaps your mom) about this. I know that we parents can be a pain in the ass and we are always trying to get into your business....but just know that we do it out of love. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts! Solost44
Hang in there. You did the right thing, because letting your dad take the blame would have been horrible... So even though it's rough right now, you were being responsible. I think dropping the subject is the best idea for the moment, and just let her know she isn't a failure. And you're not a failure, either! So, you have a fetish. That's normal. But it's just something she doesn't understand, or want to hear, so let it go and just enjoy it on your own.
