I genuinely feel empty. It’s an odd feeling. How do people live with it? Emptiness is such a horrible feeling. People could argue that it isn’t that bad, but I think it is that bad. I feel like a shell; an imposter; a ghost; empty. Yes, I do feel happiness and stuff, but the feeling of emptiness is always there. Nothing seems to fill the void. And this is very depressing… I don’t mean for it to be, but I need all these…thoughts out of my head. If they don’t get out, I’m afraid I’ll do something really stupid. Like tell my parents. That may not sound like such a bad idea, but I have an idea of how they’ll react. Especially if I inform them WHY I feel like this. Dressing and acting like a girl. Does that make me a bad person to feel all this because of that? There are others who have it so much worse, but I can’t help but feel empty because of it. It’s making me miserable. I’m parading around as someone I’m not. And then I’m forcing myself to be all happy and like I could care less. I do care. It feels so wrong. I feel unnatural – in more ways than one. But I just need to wait a few more years before I don’t have to worry as much. Just a few more years and I can be me.
Why do you have to wait a few more years? What will change? You're not a bad person. I have that feeling when I'm not crazy busy with school. This is the first summer off I've had since 5th grade and I feel like I'm in some weird limbo. I don't know what to do with myself. I wouldn't say I'm missing anything in my life, I just need to be doing something or I feel lost and unproductive. Maybe you're the same type of person! To fill my time I've been doing miscellaneous art projects and studying for my pilots exam. You should try keeping a journal. I started two years ago and I feel so much better once I write my thoughts down. Specifically, writing letters to people (without sending them) has been immensely therapeutic. It helps me understand and organize my thoughts, so I can figure out the best way to proceed with the problem.
