I dislike my family, on the border of hate. Really. I've been on here several times recently, talking about and asking for advice related to moving to different countries. The main reason being that I want to get away from them. They're in way as bad, unsafe, unstable, dysfunctional, or in any way a danger to be around, and they're also not the overly-religious kind of nice. Whenever I think about this I just feel bad, since I know there are kids, teens, ANYBODY who would kill to have a family that was nice like mine is. That's what the problem is though. They're too nice. Too smothering. The only bad thing about them is that they're all so good at passively guilt-tripping everyone. By most definitions my sister (and myself, under different circumstances) is considered spoiled. While she hasn't, and I don't think ever will, realize that, I realized it a long time ago and have been doing whatever I can to avoid unearned handouts. Every kind of helpful real life experience I've had has been by me disobeying one of their many rules or family morals. I don't know if this is a normal reaction to have or not when in this sort of situation, but the lack of any sort of external conflict is driving me crazy and making me dislike them more and more all the time. Especially on the rare occasion that they actually act normal, because I know that it's not going to last for long. Jeez...even just from typing that I feel bad. Like I'm shitting gold but complaining I'm not pissing diamonds (excuse the language). If I'm just being a whiny little baby, please, let me know.
Hey, sorry you didn't get an answer sooner. Passive-aggressive manipulation can be very frustrating, and isn't really "nice." It's much better when people can communicate in a more straightforward way. It sounds to me like there is actually a lot of conflict, it's just not conducted openly. I think it's perfectly natural to feel some resentment in a situation like that. Have you tried to confront issues directly when they come up?
Rebelling against your family is part of the growing-up process, or at least taking less notice of them and their values and more notice of what your contemporaries think and do. I'm interested to read you'd thought about moving away. I had a good relationship with my father, but when I was 20, I was ready to move. I went away to university and never really went back, apart from the odd day or two to visit. I worked in the holidays in my university town (London) and my life just moved away with no thoughts of me ever going back. It wasn't a case of me not loving my Dad, but it was a rite of passage for me. I'd been an adult for 2 years already and just wanted to lead my own life, make my own rules and BREAK them if I wanted to. Being TOO nice is probably better that the opposite case, but if you FEEL the need to spread your wings and take responsibility for yourself, then moving certainly gives you that opportunity. I took the decision 9 years ago to leave my home country (UK) and I now live in the Netherlands. It's not so far away, but the difference has made me more content and happy - I just wish I'd done it years ago. What thoughts have you had about WHERE you would move to and why? Sometimes even just knowing there is an option if you want to take it can make the difference to how you feel about a situation, enough to take the heat off the boiler, anyway!
I have tried to confront issues when they come up. Even so far as calling them out on it. But they only respond by saying I'm being rude and ignore me for the rest of that particular conversation. I'm about to move to Nova Scotia for school, which is about as far away I can get while being on the same continent. Once I'm done there I'm planning on grad school in Montreal and then working at a particular company there.
Well it sounds like you've got it all sorted! You just need to keep your eyes open for vacation work opportunities to minimize the need to go home. Telling you you're rude is very patronizing, but parents and teachers do it so well :tantrum: You just need to keep your head down till college Good luck and come here for chats and a rant if you need it (&&&)
Indeed. I've already started at looking for summer internships there and once I get there I'm going to look for another job and cheap apartments. The best part (and this is coming from being conceited or from being a teenager) but I'm the only one who actually uses reason when discussing something (they use "because I said/say so" a lot)
Ahh... Because I said so is a default setting! You're an adult now so you don't ahev to put up with this shit once you're out of the house and on your own two feet. I can't desvribe to you the feeling of freedom that responsibility gave me - it sounds counter-intuitive but it's true. Make sure you think about making friends and developing a new support network - you need new people around you for the bad days.
