Because my family (particularly my mum & sister (who I thought had their suspicions about my orientation..)) are ALWAYS talking about how I'll eventually find a girl/woman to hook up with. (I should probably just interject here by saying that I'm still in the closet & thinking through how I'm going to approach the whole issue). Anyway, an example of this was when I was talking to my mum in the car earlier this week about how I was adjusting to uni life & how I was feeling a little lonely (I really want a boyfriend -.-). I was telling her how I planned on going to Canada next year for exchange & hoped on meeting new people. She then told me how having a girlfriend overseas (I didn't even mention a girlfriend) could be a problem. Sigh, you'd think that after going through high-school without ever being interested in/dating a girl that they'd have suspicions, but no.. I guess being masculine (mostly) & straight acting has its drawbacks. I know it's mostly my fault because I make the decision for when I decide to come out, but in the mean time..It's frruuusssttrraattiiinnggg. :bang:
I have the same problem with my mum, with the added problem that she nearly died of cancer last year. So now she is in overdrive with the whole "GRANDBABIES! DAUGHTER IN LAW!", everytime i see her (luckily i dont live with parents anymore) its always the same thing. I dont really have any decent advice for you, other than you're not alone. I know how frustrating it is and how deep down, i know i should just have the guts to tell her the truth. I just dont want to disappoint her ya know.
Hi there! ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2012 at 07:38 PM ---------- It's sad that (the majority of) people consider us disappointments based purely on who we're attracted to.. I've never beat up someone, I've gotten good grades in school, I respect my parents & family & yet I'm still afraid they'll dis-own me if I tell them the truth. I'm sick of living a lie.
I might be barking up the wrong tree but is it possible she suspects you aren't into girls, and is either n denial over it or is trying to force the issue? "Mums know" seems to be a recurring theme so it's something to think about at least. As you say she must have noticed that you've never displayed any interest in the opposite sex.
Hi Luke, I agree. She most certainly has been wondering and is trying to push you into saying something and I would encourage you to open up about it. Parents can be a pain, but at the end of the day, they/we (a parent myself) love their kids and want to care for them as best they/we can. Not always good at it, granted, but try their best. Be prepared for the usual sequence of emotional turmoil from your Mum. It's all very normal but will pass and she will come round in the end. Honestly. If you need any specific help with any of this, just let us know. Best, Tom
As others have already said, it is because she suspects that you may not like girls that she is pushing you so hard on this.
I highly doubt people assume you're straight because you're so masculine and straight-acting - people assume you're straight because there's no reason to assume you aren't. I have some obvious feminine tendencies, and people still ask me when I'm going to get a girlfriend.
Yep. I call it flying below the gaydar. Of the 8 or so people that know about me, not one of them ever expected it. I thought it might be obvious, as I never talk about girls and never have a girlfriend. It seems like they would think that I was gay, but evidently, I don't seem like it. I think that the main reason that most gay people have gaydar is that we think about homosexuality on a daily basis, while most straight people rarely think about it, and so have no reason to expect a person to be gay.
I'd personally agree with this. I'm not exactly overly masculine or feminine and I'm still generally assumed straight. We live in a society where even if someone "seems" gay, you usually assume "straight until proven otherwise". Kinda sad, but kinda true. Anyway, I just wanted to throw in that my mom (after having come out to her now) said she also didn't really know if I was gay... and I'd definitely told her about not being sure if I liked girls in the past, so (I thought) it was pretty obvious. I think what it boils down to is that what we think of as obvious is not nearly as obvious to our parents, since we're constantly monitoring our behaviours around what other people see of our attractions. As well, having raised us for our whole lives, our parents have these preconceived notions of how successful and happy we'll end up being. It's a lot easier for them to wear "rose-coloured glasses" and just assume that we'll end up with a happy girlfriend later in the future than considering we might want a happy boyfriend, if you get what I'm saying You say you're afraid of them disowning you - do you have a good reason to believe that? Are they outwardly homophobic or something?
Hi Luke and welcome. You know folks are kind of strange. Even my parents thought up to the age of 27 that I am straight, even though I never showed any interests in girls. But they actually do suspect it but would not say anything, hoping their suspicions would proof to be false. Of coarse every parent want a grand child or 10 so they kinda refuse to see the obvious. But when I did tell my folks eventually, it turned out not so bad as they all suspected it, but I guess it was to thanks to my sister who once on a video said "my gay brother" and that video was played in front of the whole family and friends. I thought no one heard since no one said anything. But since I've come out, they met my husband and fell for him, they see him as part of the family. My mom's words to us was, "I won't get a daughter in law, but I'm getting a son in law which I can be proud of" (the husbands my 2 sisters have chosen are all good for nothing couch potatoes.) So you see, the thing is you have to tell them, or they will only suspect but not say anything, hoping their suspicions all prove to be wrong.
I was in my late 20's and still no girlfriend, and never had one. I also am masculine & straight acting (not really an act, just being me). When I came out to my parents last year they had no idea. I gave my mom a book called "Born Gay" which she read and then said if she would have read the book many years ago she would have know. She said the signs were there, but she always thought "It's just Jim," whatever that is suppose to mean. Haha I showed them. They still love me and I'm sure your parents will still love you. Good luck. ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2012 at 07:09 AM ---------- I really like this statement......so true, so true!
