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Past sexual harassment/Coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by vncc14, Aug 8, 2012.

  1. vncc14

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    Hello everyone,

    From the title of this post, I guess most of you would think I was sexually harassed in the past. But, no.

    I was in grade 6 when I started realizing that I was attracted to men. And I don't know how it happened,.... but I attempted to touch my brother's and my father's private parts when they were asleep, a few times. I had no idea what it was and didn't even think about it. But I did it.

    8 years have passed, and now I'm grown up enough to think of what happened. Sexual harassment, was that what I did? I keep trying to tell myself that I was young and wasn't aware and such... but I still feel awfully guilty about this. I am lost and depressed.

    I am out to most of my friends, and now I feel like it's the time to tell my family. But I also feel the need to admit to them about what happened in grade 6. On the other hand, I hesitate to do so, because I'm scared it will make things worse, as in, my parents will feel extremely disappointed and disgusted... I don't want them to suffer from my own mistakes.

    Please, please give me some advice....
     
  2. Chrissouth53

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    I don't think you should tell them It wasn't harassment, it was curiosity.

    Harassment implies that the harasser had the ability to determine what he or she was doing was wrong. You didn't.

    If you are 21, there are probably places you can go to talk this through, maybe LBGT groups. But I think you may gain more pain than resolution by disclosing to your parents

    BTW - we all snuck peeks at our dads and brothers and probably would have touched given the chance.than.
     
  3. blightedsight

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    Only you know when you're ready to come out, however, with your perceived sexual harrassment(FYI - I would call it sexual curiosity), I really wouldn't tell your family - I would be more inclined to seek someone professional to talk to, a therapist, and discuss it with them, and they will guide you to the right decision in that respect.
     
  4. Bobbgooduk

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    I agree with all above ^^.

    It was curiosity, not molestation! I played "Doctors and Nurses" with two female contemporaries - I was always the doctor :eusa_naug - and I certainly don't think I was guilty of anything other than healthy curiosity.

    I also agree you shouldn't reveal this to your father and brother - it just isn't necessary and will embarrass them unnecessarily.

    If you feel you need to get it off your chest, speak to a professional but, honestly, there was nothing unhealthy in your curiosity.
    (*hug*)
     
  5. vncc14

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    Thank you all for your responses. I still feel quite heavy about the matter, but I do feel a lot better. I'm going to try to get in touch with the counselor I know at my college and talk to her about it. Anyway, thank you all!
     
  6. Chip

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    Hi, Ben.

    You said "attempted to touch" which leads me to believe maybe you barely touched them at all, or touched them just a little bit. IF that's the case, then there's no harm that likely occurred, and there's no reason to tell them. If this extended to actually stimulating them and their getting aroused, then it's in a different category, and would probably warrant some further discussion/evaluation.

    As Bobb said, the "playing doctor" thing is something most kids did when they were younger. I wouldn't worry about it, and I don't think there's any reason to tell them.
     
  7. vncc14

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    Hi Chip,

    Even though I wasn't actively trying to get them aroused, I did touch them in the private part for a few minutes. I think I was scared of waking them up, so I wasn't anything more than putting my hand there. However, I did ejaculate.

    Please let me know what you think.
     
  8. Bobbgooduk

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    You're being much too hard on yourself - what you did was only one step from checking out the guys in the shower - you can't confess everytime you take a sneaky peek - don't beat yourself up on this. You were young and curious.

    I can remember as a 8-year-old (possibly 9 but no older) seeing a guy, maybe 18-20, in the public swimming-pool changing rooms. He was right in front of me with a hairy cock drying himself. I was fascinated that his looked so different from mine and would have LOVED to have touched it. He even caught me looking and smiled, but it was curiosity, pure and simple.

    You mustn't associate you curiosity with guilt - it's a natural phenomenom, even when it comes to private parts.