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Should I wait?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by prism, Aug 8, 2012.

  1. prism

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    I've only come out to my best friend as a lesbian, and that was less than two weeks ago. I haven't slept for more than an hour at a time since then. I'm glad I told her, in fact, part of me wants to start telling more people. I already know which friend I want to tell next. I feel like a jerk because I keep asking her if she has a second to talk, but I always chicken out. My mind and heart start racing and I think "What if I'm still confused and questioning? I can't take back what I say."

    And I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my boyfriend, but I certainly don't need the added pressure from my friend to break up with him. I know I'm an ass for stringing someone along, but I was confused when we got together. Also drunk. Cinco de Mayo drunk. I don't know if he would tell people if I were to come out to him, but I also don't want to lie. I'm going to be crazy busy this year, so I'm hoping that will show and be a good excuse. How have others dealt with this?

    The girl I want to tell is a friend from university and we move back in at the end of the month. I actually have to stay in her apartment for a few days before I can move into mine. Should I tell her through text now or wait and tell her in person? Texting is so impersonal, but wouldn't it be better if I gave her a few weeks to process it before living with her for more than a week?
     
  2. Lexington

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    My first thought - you've kept a boyfriend for three months because "I was drunk"? Seriously, break up with him. It's really unfair to keep someone strung along, because it keeps him off the market for somebody who DOES want to be with him.

    Secondly, you can hedge your bets a bit when you come out to your friend. You can say "I've given it a ton of thought, and I'm pretty sure I'm gay." Then, if it ends up you WERE "still confused and questioning", you can later say "I now realize that I wasn't, even thought I was pretty sure I was." Few people start telling people until they're pretty sure, anyway.

    Personally, I wouldn't text - I'd call. That way, you can make it clear you're not joking, and you can field any questions she might have.

    Lex
     
  3. prism

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    Joining EC has helped me understand my feelings, and it has given me a vocabulary to explain them. I'm emotionally attracted to my boyfriend and initially thought that I just wasn't a very sexual person. I've only felt otherwise for a few weeks, I'm not sure what I want to do or how I'm going to do it. I know I have to break up with him, which is why I'm asking if anyone has any experience with this so I can get a better idea of what to say.

    But you're right, calling my friend is a much better idea.