Hi, so i'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for a couple of months now. I was dating him during the time he was with his then boyfriend of 9 years. I told him I couldn't be with him because I felt wrong being the other person so I told him I would stop seeing him. He loves me and so he broke up with his ex (who was also happy to break up with him too). In other words, the break up was mutual. We've been boyfriends for about two months now. My problem is that he still lives with his ex. And everyday I can't get that off my head. It's bugging me and it's been making me feel miserable and bitter instead of happy. He says he loves and cares for his ex and is his best friend. He says I have nothing to worry about and that he loves me and is in love with me. I don't know what to do or say because I can't just tell him to move out like that. But everyday I keep feeling this way and I am afraid I'll be like this until he stays away from his ex. But I can't do this like this, I am mentally fighting my thoughts about this situation and I don't see it stopping until I am happy.
Thats precisely what you can do. His ex might also be his best friend, but you're not asking him to break off contact, you're asking him to not live with his ex lover, not now that he's in the midst of a new relationship with you. This situation clearly makes you uncomfortable and you need to tell him that - if he loves you, he'll understand. Trust me, if the situation was reversed, he'd at the very least feel the same as you, at most he'd make sure you move out ASAP. Asking your boyfriend to not live with his ex, whom he just broke up with, is not an unreasonable request.
I told him that and he says i need to trust him or i will "poison" our relationship. It gets even more complicated. They just moved this weekend to an upper level with a two bedroom (which he had planned to do so since before I came in the picture). So that gives me a bit of relief but it still annoys me because his ex is still there. They hang out.. they talk... they see each other every day... i just can't deal with that, I just can't. To make matters even worse, I am moving away this september for school and that's a whole other issue just waiting to happen. Today he's with his ex shopping for furniture and I told him that I am feeling miserable and bitter lately and he replied, "That's okay just don't get stupid about it, you know I love you"
Sometimes it's not about trust. People use that word as a shield, sometimes, as a means to get their own way, but thats wrong. Your boyfriend isn't simply living with his ex, he's building a home with him. Honestly, and I can't tell you to do this because I don't think it is my place to tell you how to live your life, but if I was in your situation, I would calmly explain that while I think it is fantastic that he has a good relationship with his ex, it makes me very uncomfortable that they live together, and no amount of trust will change that because it's not just that I think they'll hook up, it's that I wouldn't feel right building a life with someone in front of the person they already made that pledge to. I would then, calmly, state that as much as I loved them, that I can't be in a relationship with someone who dismisses my feelings with the "trust" shield and tells me my issues could poison the relationship. In your case, and I don't think you should bring this up though, part of your issue will also stem from the fact that he's got a proven record of breaking someones trust that he's in a relationship with. You're allowed for that to be a concern for you. If your boyfriend has any sense, he should realise this in the first place.
