This isn’t lgbt related, but I could use some advice. So today my mother sat down next to me and told me that my cousin who lived with me for basically 10 years of my life, who I went to high school with, and who was basically like my brother, raped my cousin (his sister) when they were younger. Apparently this happened awhile ago but it’s sort of exploded now. Needless to say, I was completely shocked at hearing this but I also just feel heartbroken and hurt that this would happen to the people I care about. I’m so mad that my cousin (the female one) had to go through all this and my aunt apparently knew about it but didn’t say anything after all this time. We’ve always been very close and we still talk frequently. I’m not supposed to know about the rape. My mom only brought it up because she was terrified that my cousin may have tried something on me or my younger sisters (especially since we lived together) But I just want to tell my cousin that I’m here for her and that I support her but I’m not sure how to do this without bringing it up. Should I bring it up? In my family, we have the tendency of sweeping things under the rug and not speaking of events or emotions but I really think my cousin could use some support in the family. As for my male cousin, honestly, I don’t even know what to think of him. Just thinking about him makes me so angry and sad. Anyways, thoughts? Should I bring it up? Or just wait for her to do it? Although, I don’t know if she would even bring it up as that is something really hard to talk about.
Then do that. From the way you wrote about it in your post, it seems like this happened a while ago, so your female cousin probably isn't in dire, urgent need of support. She might even feel like she has moved beyond it, and would rather it not be brought up. So keep it in general terms and you'll cover all your bases. You could say something like, "I know that our family tends to sweep things under the rug and not talk about our emotions, but I want you to know that, if you ever do want to talk about anything, I'm here for you." You're entirely justified in thinking that way. What he did was horrible, and there's no getting beyond that. I won't tell you to overlook what he did when it comes to your opinion on him--there are some things that I don't think need to be forgiven--just don't let it consume your every thought. In other words, it's alright to be angry and unforgiving in your thoughts toward him, but try to not let too many of your thoughts be angry, unforgiving thoughts toward him.
And don't cover up your feelings! That screws families up more than anything. I've watched my mom's siblings completely disintegrate due to concealed sexual abuse, and the death of one of the boys in a car accident that was NEVER TALKED ABOUT.
