I am confused

It does indeed sound like you are gay. Why are you dating this girl if you aren't attracted to her or females in general?

 

Being gay is not something you can wish away. I know that there are many people who see it as a curse but you have to learn to accept yourself. People who are forced into a situation or are put into a situation in which they are gay and seeing someone of the opposite sex, it usually doesn't end well. Its not because they don't love either - they can. But to build that relationship and go further, they must also be attracted to them.

It may be difficult for you to accept that you are gay but its really what you make of it. Your life doesn't need to change and you don't need to start wearing dresses (not that there isn't anything wrong with it - I would love to for a day ). Being gay is a part of you. Its like your body - you can't wish to change your eye color and pretend its blue when its really green. Its not anything that you can lock up in a shoe box and store it in the depths of your brain, hoping you will never find it again. Its a part of you, a part of your brain, a part of your genetic makeup.

Obviously, I don't know your life situation but I recommend that once you come to terms with it, you should be true to yourself. I have never let what others expect me to be to change who I am - because it can't. Sometimes, you have to do you, be YOU. I'm not saying that tomorrow, go out with a shirt that reads "I'm gay" - no. First, come to terms with who you are. Accept it. I guarantee that you will find life to be so much happier. Yes, there can be rough patches, but thats life.

 

I had the same feelings and wanted to be straight but it doesn't work like that. From what you said here,it does sound like you are gay.

Welcome to the rainbow

 

Hi Patrick, and welcome to EC!
:welcome:

As others have already said, it sounds like you are gay. Obviously I don't know you, but trust me when I say that you'll never be happy if you continue to try and be someone you're not - I certainly spent long enough trying. I know you say you don't want to hurt your girlfriend's feelings, but staying in a relationship where deep down you know you are unhappy is going to eventually hurt both of you.

Personally, coming out to myself was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I think it was one of the best things I've ever done, as finally I can explore the real me.

Good luck on your journey. I know things look pretty bleak now, but it gets better.

 

Hello, Patrick, and welcome :smilewave

As someone who spent 18 years married before finally admitting that I couldn't pretend any more, I would say that you need to save yourself a lot of grief and let this girl find happiness elsewhere. It's not fair to her either.

You very definitely sound gay - I recognize the thought processes before climax.

Once you accept yourself, the process gets a little easier - at leats you're not fighting yourself any more.

You'll get lots of advice, opinions and previous experience on here - you're not alone. (&&&)

 

Hi Patrick,

Indeed you are definitely not alone. Before I started to hang around here, I felt like I was the only person who didn't want to be gay, and the only person who had spent years denying being gay. And of course, those of us who have been in denial don't get the chance to talk about it in our daily lives. That is why this forum is so valuable. If you know you are gay you do not need to accept it straight away. In any case, you will only find acceptance when you are ready. It may take time, and you will most likely need help along the way- whether it be from people here, support from those who love you, and/or some therapy.

You ask "Am I gay?". Probably, if you are super honest with yourself you know the answer to your question. Knowing and accepting can be miles apart though. Like others, it has taken me many years to even begin working towards acceptance. I had absolutely convinced myself that I wasn't gay, and spent ten years in a mixed gender relationship. But I was not happy.

I started my journey towards acceptance fairly recently, and whilst it still feels like I am travelling a very bumpy road, I am confident at last that I am on the right path to give myself the best chance of peace and contentedness, which is what I crave after so many years of turmoil. I truly believe this difficult journey will be worth it- that my life will get better.

Whatever you decide, know you are not alone. Maybe you have seen this already, but here is a link to an inspirational post, titled "Am I gay".

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-stories/684-am-i-gay.html

Best wishes,

Rose