I came out today as I begged my male friend to kiss me which he politely refused

Why did it happen that the crush i had on a male friend didnt eventually work out today after all my effort?

Hello Guys,joined this blog last weekend; this is my first thread in here.should be exciting, but am not.
I found that the crush i had on a male friend of mine didnt eventually work out today. Am a guy in love with another guy. He likes my company a lot;always very excited when we are together, but dont really know why things didnt work out as I prayed fervently that it will.
I had been nursing it for months now, but sadly he didnt respond the way i wanted. I asked him to kiss me,which he politely refused,chuckling.
He didnt say no, but he just refused while laughing.
And things just went back to normal,like nothing ever happened.
He leaves town soon, and I miss him a lot
It was like throwing away what i have nursed for so long.
And I dont know what may follow. He knows most of my friends.

I'm home feeling so sad

Pls advice me!

 

I must sincerely sieze this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for very brilliant and very comprehensive response.I now see that this is a family.
If only you know how people need this kind of forum to move on in life. It serves as a great therapy for one's psychological and emotional strength.
Ianthe, remember you gave me some solutions last week in Random Assassin's thread, with the topic 'I am gay and in love with my best friend'. Thanks once again.

This is the story.
Am in my mid 30's(just a bit older than Ianthe) and I have so far lived a very strict and principled life.I have had very few relationships with girls, and have never had any with a man.
Yesterday 9th August marks a new chapter for me as it is first time I have made overtures to a man that I really really love. I had hidden it since becos I have never been into it. The much I have ever done is watch some scenes online, never tried it with anybody.The intresting thing is I dont even know if I am straight now,becos I desire strongly to experiment what romancing a man (you are crazy about), looks like, I dont intend whatsoever to do intercourse, am not for that, but I just want to romance the life out of this guy and him alone.
He likes me so much becos I buy him gifts, snacks as many times as we have gone out.
He wasnt always available for me before.

I only came across this guy early this year, and since then, I have not given myself any form of rest over him. I did everything to make him become my friend.
He is an extremely withdrawn person and an introvat by nature.
I quickly seized the opportunity to meet him through a mutual friend in church.We all worship in the same church.So it was quite easy.
He being an extremely polite and decent guy, was also very pleased to meet me.

I have afterwards bothered him with texts, calls etc and he responded very slowly.it had almost been eating me up for months, until I then discussed the matter with a lady friend who has been my very close confidant for years now.She has known the number of girls I chased that didn’t eventually click. She was shocked I could fall in love with a man,but later, she decided to counsel and encourage me to make him my good friend.
She later advised me to distance myself from him for a great while,that he will definitely come back,if he is really interested.

Shortly after,I came across a story on radio on relationships, talking about observing the signs 'that yur partner's relationship with you is not goin to work...if you care more about yur partner than he does bout u...'

When I recorded it and listened & listened & listened, then I decided to stop calls and texts, for a long time.

After some few weeks, this extreme dashingly beautiful well-shaped guy with straight nose, called me one day to register his complaints why i have cut off from him,he was asking whether he offended me or something,i kept apologizing that it was pressure of my workplace.

Previously I used to invite him to places and occassions,He didnt honour my invitations, always gave one excuse or the other. I kept wondering why he wasn’t cooperating until I summoned up courage to visit him at home and get to meet his guardians. He was living with a family whose son was his classmate in school. lntrestingly, the guardians are people I know very well as family friends,but I didn’t know their son who is my crush’s friend. My Lady friend advised that I get close to the friend too.I did so and it went well, but my interest was this guy, eventually he started honouring my visits..

He is such an eloquent, intelligent, well -spoken, well-read and well brought-up person that right now, I dont now know what to do.
He tells me a lot about himself and his family that am sure he doesnt tell people becos he does not like many friends at all.hardly talks to anyone, and has no intrest in girls at all(from the much I see).
From what I see, he is the kind of person whom girls run after; I thought I was the only one who felt so, until I was equally told.
What then looks ironical?
The sweet slender chap looks gay in appearance, loves short and tight-fitted slim tops, which always bringing out his cute shape. His sexy voice sends me virtulaly melting.....honestly.

Now he became so free with me, paid a visit to my work place, and my home,but cudnt stay long enough my family is in town, so not time to get intimate.

My problem now is that I dont know how to pick up from here.

My discovery is that when I tickle or play with his waist, he tries to move off politely......I dont know what to do.
He never forgets to give me a smile.
Infact when talking to me, he gives me a lot of smile,but he never shows that he wants you so desperately, like I do.

I had been so scared to tell him how I feel about him.
I felt I go ahead to tell him,it will cause me a lot if he doesnt say he is also in love with me. All I need from him is sweet romance and not sex as it sounds.
I just want to romance this guy so beautifully,kiss the living daylight out of him.

But am really scared. He respects me so much....sounds kinda more religious in all he does.
He had told me last week that he would be travelling to see his family far away from this weekend, and may from there remain there.
This was what necessitated my making a fast move….and that’s where we are.
He honoured my invitation yesterday to my office, after he closed from work and went shopping, he called me that he was so tired and may need to go and prepare parking for his trip today. I still encouraged him to come, and he honoured it.
After much long talk, jokes and teases, I had to tell myself that it is now time to make a move.
So I went close to him and asked if I could kiss him.
Now what still baffles me is that he was just laughing and full of smiles all through, when I insisted, he said we should start going home; I tried to kiss him again, he bent leftwards,
So I held is hands and we stood up, then he only embraced me, then I started explaining how much he means to me and how much I cherish him, and that I appreciate our friendship, which he said he felt the same way, then we hugged again and everything went back to normal.

He really left today and I called him, was still on the way through Land. It was a very short 2min discussion checking on him, then we dropped.


Am still not a happy man at all.
What do I do?

 

Hello Everyone,
Quite a very long time.
My special Hello to Empty Mirror,
Of all the responses I got in my thread, yours showed much weight in my understanding.
Its been 3 months like joke, and the relationship didnt exactly come back to what it was before.
He returned in september & he kept off, until we bumped into each other and he exchanged pleasantries.
Shockingly, he beams his usual smiles as if all is normal, but doesnt ever get in touch again. Tho hes not too free like before, but still puts up a friendly disposition.
I had to take him to a lake resort to apologize for hurting his feelings, and he showed surprise and laughed, asking Wow! So you still had this thought in mind after a whole month?"
I told him that the way he caught off for so long, showed me that he was not in favour of what happened. he said we should forget it; so we closed that chapter. for a long time, no word from him;
Until one day I received an sms once, twice, then the 3rd time I guessed it was from him.
Becos it had something to do with a company he works for that organises fair for whole sale of clothes, it was an electronic sms, not his direct line, so i guessed he must have put my name on their mailing list, so I sent him a text on the day of the fair to ask if he was the one sending me the text.
He later called and said he was the one. so we chatted briefly then we parted.He then sent me a text the next morning that he was travelling out of town on business. I replied wishing him journey mercies.
Some how since then, has kept his distance. No word at all. And am talking of since September.

I am honestly finding it hard to believe this guy has caught off till date.
It is most shocking to me, to be precise.

He always got in touch with me every blessed week.
I was so kind and generous to this guy, and he was so so so appreciative...he used to ask me...'oh how do i repay you for all this you have done for me'

I never saw things turning out like this. Although in a way, I thot it wud.
I had secretly been asking myself, how cud such a handsome dashing guy accept to hang out with me.

honestly am not used to that. The cute friends I have never keep tag around me at all, it is always the funny-looking ones whom I cud just call and they are there.
But for this guy to accept to drive out with me; I was pleasantly shocked.
This guy’s qualities are extremely rare, and cannot easily be seen around these days.

I can’t seem to get this guy off my mind. In everything I do, I see him.

When am in town just viewing the streets or the atmosphere, it is him I just see, telling myself ....oh ordinarily, this boy wud have been standing by me.

I actually cant believe this guy seems ok not hearing from me for weeks; I find it very hard to believe it.

Ordinarily, after 2weeks max, he is looking out for me.
I have tried to get him out of the system all these weeks, at times it appears am begining to succeed.After a while, it comes back with so much full force.


The issue now, and has almost always been, is that I can't read his mind.