So, I've been thinking back over things a lot and something got me wondering. I only fairly recently started wondering if maybe I'm not straight. (still have no idea). I can remember making up fake crushes on boys since I was in my mid teens though. Why would I have lied about and felt uncomfortable talking about boys, well before I'd imagined the possibility that I might like girls? On the other side of the coin, when I was 15 I liked a boy in my class. Around that time my friend told me that a boy liked me. I wouldn't let her tell me who, I didn't want to know, didn't want to have to deal with that. If I genuinely liked boys then why was I so against knowing?
I don't know if not wanting to know who the boy was is a direct indication of sexuality. 15 is pretty young for any sort of intimate relationship, and you knew yourself well enough to know you weren't ready yet. With that said, the fact that you are questioning means you feel different from what the "norm" is. My thoughts may not translate well coming from the gay-male side of things, but I do know about being really confused. I would say at this point, keep wrestling with those emotions. I made the mistake of simply burying them and that set me back a few years... You've taken a huge first step, so for now just think about your deepest emotions and desires. Ones that only you know about. Who plays the role of the other person in a relationship and sex? A woman? A man? Maybe both equally or at least some of both? Just think about it at this point, and don't beat yourself up. All you're doing is trying to become more in touch with you.
