1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My father found out I'm gay..Need advice.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Kaptain, Aug 10, 2012.

  1. Kaptain

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2012
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Okay so 2 days ago my father was in my room searching through my everything and my laptop. While I was at my art class. He found an gay porn ad.. I'm embarrassed but, I'm not straight I've known this for awhile now. I just need some advice to what to tell my dad. I'm so scared. When my art class ended he took me to the park and he said "What have you been doing in your room?" I just replied "nothing" and he just said "well, I found a gay porn ad on your laptop." I was just said oh. So he took me to the park and I just started crying and I was so nervous because he was talking about how he is okay with me being gay but, I would rather you being straight. I'm just really sad.

    Sorry for my spelling and also I'm 14.
     
  2. Gravity

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2011
    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    256
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like, all things considered, he's being fairly supportive - namely, as he took the time to have a personal conversation about it, made sure it was in a neutral place, he said he's okay with it, and so on. Those all seem like positives. Granted, "I would rather you be straight" is maybe a little less encouraging, but how did he mean it? I've had my parents say similar things to me, but from the very clear angle of "...because then you wouldn't have to deal with the extra pressure and bigotry that society may give you now." It's still, perhaps, not the best way to word it, but what do you think his intentions behind that are?

    For now, if you've had the conversation, the best thing might just be to focus on the fact that, yes, your dad found out, but the world is still turning and life is moving on. If you feel the need to talk to him, and he's being basically accepting, I would just tell him how you're feeling - scared, and sad. The one thing you can count on is that he'll almost certainly be willing to talk about this. After all, he decided to bring it up in the first place.
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't think there's any question he knows, at this point, that you're gay. Even though you didn't directly say it, the fact that you said "oh" when he told you he saw the gay porn ad, and you started crying... basically confirmed the fact.

    So he knows, and he's basically OK with it. Remember that you've been aware of this and thinking about it for a while, but it was probably a complete shock to him. And to a parent who never considered such a thing, that can be like having the ground shift underneath you, it can be pretty earth-shattering. So he's having to adjust to it, and unlike you, the awareness came all at once.

    So give him a little bit of time, and then I'd say that if you can bring yourself to talk about it with him, that would probably be good. I know for most 14 year olds, talking about anything sexual with a parent has got to be up there with getting a root canal and having your toenails forcibly pulled out in terms of where it falls on the "let's do this" list but I think if you take the time, I think both you and he will benefit tremendously from the conversation.
     
  4. Sanssouci

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brussels, Belgium
    Lord, I'm 23 and I'm still dreading it! :lol:

    You're very lucky to be doing this so young, and that your Dad seems basically okay with it. He'll need time, just like you probably did when you realised/accepted it yourself. But he's being supportive, which is great. Also, I don't think there's any possibility that it hasn't been confirmed in his mind that you're gay, so that process has already begun. You're sad now, but you have parents that clearly love you and will support you, and that is a cause for celebration. In your own time. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Chierro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2011
    Messages:
    1,059
    Likes Received:
    186
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I wanna say just be who you are. He seems supportive, albeit not ok yet, but I'm sure that he'll be coming around. Good luck with everything and welcome to EC.
     
  6. lazyboy

    lazyboy Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Brunswick, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm not sure if you said *He* would rather you were straight, or if *you* would rather be straight.

    Either way, I just want to be sure you don't view this as a personal failing of some kind. You haven't failed at anything.
     
  7. SohoDreamer

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    418
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeds, England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    He might have meant straight as in "I'd rather you be straight with me."