Coming out to parents - is it actually worth it?

Let me ask you, why shouldn't you tell them?

Also, with regards to them thinking you're straight, we live in a heteronormative society. More likely than not they just assume you're straight because you haven't given them any indication otherwise. I don't think it's because they're thinking "oh, soho CAN'T be gay, that's just not him, he must be straight!"

For me, I came out at school first (well, university) but was closeted at home. I had to go home most weekends for work. In the beginning it wasn't so bad because I was still mostly closeted... but as soon as I hit a point where I felt I could be open at school, suddenly having to hide myself around my family again was a pain. It was a bearable pain, but still annoying.

The thing is, that pain/annoyance grew and grew until I decided it became worth it to tell them so I could stop hiding. So I told them. Now, I don't go around proclaiming my love of guys at every given moment - hell, we haven't even talked about it since I came out - but it's nice to know that if I want to or if I happen to "slip up" I don't need to be worried about being exiled in my own house (and yeah, I knew they'd be accepting too). The fact that I can stop watching everything I'm saying and doing around them is completely worth all the worrying and complaining I did building up to my actually coming out to them.

I think by telling them you gain a sense of comfort that can't be replaced by anything but coming out.

 

Yes, it's definitely worth it. It sounds like yours would take it really well, so you don't have much to worry about. It'll be a huge weight lifted off of you and you'll no longer have to hide anything or get those awkward comments from your parents regarding the opposite sex. I was always pretty close to mine, but after coming out it made us a lot closer and more open about stuff.

 

Well, I think it would certainly depending on your relationship with your parent. From what I am seeing, your parents seems to be caring for you enough to ask about how you are when you are down,which for me assume you have a positive relationship with your parents. In that case, I think letting them know won't hurt at all, especially because they seem to be able to accepting homosexuality. Even if they are traditional, as long as they accept you as who you are, it is worth it.

Another thing, is that some parents might feel like they are bad parents because their child do not tell them about his/her problems. They thought their child do not trust them enough. It can leads to some misunderstanding later on.

Ultimately though, it is your own choice. If you feel comfortable not letting your parents knows and don't want to do it, then don't. But if you find that keeping your parents in the dark makes you feel a little bit guilty, then tell them. Because as you said, chances are it won't matter at all, so it should be however you feel the best for you and your parents. I am just saying that the 2 choices have equal weight and you should consider them both.

 

My parents/father are the same way. That being the case, I haven't told them because, if I know it's not going to affect them in any way, positive or negative, then there's no reason to treat it as something that needs to be told. When and if they find out, then they do, and if they don't, they don't.

 

Glad I could help ^3^

 

Well, you'd gain a sense of comfort that you likely won't get otherwise. The ability to be yourself without monitoring every action you do is pretty priceless in my books. I don't know how long you've been out to your friends, but I think the longer that timespan grows and the more comfortable and open you feel around them, the worse it'll feel when you have to censor (for lack of a better term) yourself around your parents.

Like I said, I haven't and don't plan on talking to my parents about guys ever, but the fact that knowing if I slip up (i.e. accidentally look at a hot guy too long or mention my boyfriend if I ever start dating) won't be a big deal is totally worth it to me.

So why are you glad you told your peers? What did you gain by having them know? Why doesn't that apply to your parents? (besides the obvious "I don't want to talk about sex with my parents" one)

And it doesn't sound like there are any really bad things that would come from telling them. If they don't have any problems with non-heterosexuality, again I'll suggest: why not tell them? I think the fact that it's an awkward and scary conversation to have gets outweighed by some of the pros I listed.

That's just my personal opinion, though maybe it's a little more relevant since I've kinda been in that situation before.

 

Eh, I never personally found a need to bring it up with them. I'm sure they suspect it, but I don't live with them anymore. If they asked I wouldn't deny it, but they just never asked.

Though, I wouldn't know how they don't know as I have them on my facebook and am pretty open there. I doubt they care. We're not religious, and they have gay friends. But that's just me.

It's my extended family that is the religious bunch, and they have never asked me, but I wouldn't deny it if they asked.

Your dad doesn't sound too bad compared to what it could be. And he certainly seems like he could get over it with the 'get used to it' remark.

 

This. I think the fact that your dad's at least open to debating it is a good sign.

Besides, I get the feeling he, like so many people are talking about marriage in the "church" sense. IE, a man and a woman coming together in the eyes of god etc...

I thought "gay maariage" was just about civial partnerships? So that LGBT couples could enjoy the same benefits/rights as heterosexual couples.

Anyway, I digress. Tell them!

 

I would never say I regret coming out to my parents. Honestly, the fact is...if i hadn't, I'd be hiding dating a man for example. What if I got married? Then what? I think if you believe it won't have an adverse effect, then come out.

 

If you want to read how helpful parents can be, read thread
My son is 15 yo
This is where my mother has posted about me, then loads of people have said about their parents. It might help.

 

It was worth it for me. I felt like I was hiding an important part of myself before I came out to my parents. I also felt like I was lying to them about who I was.

Now that I am out to them, I feel like I have more freedom. I can talk to them fully about my feelings. I also don't have to clear my browser history after getting off of here. (I used to share a computer with my mom).

 

You say you have political discussions with your parents - in that conversation, could your dad have been either playing devils advocate or gauging your responses and how vociferous you argued your point.

You'll be hard pressed to find someone whose parents had absolutely no idea, not a single thought that their child was gay/bisexual, and in your first post you seem to suggest your parents are quite liberal in their way of thinking, so could it not be he was engaging you in a way to see what your thoughts in this area was, to try and either help you admit your sexuality to him or to confirm his beliefs?

To be honest though, I don't get the whole "coming out" thing.
If someone asks me straight up what my sexuality is, I will tell them, but I don't feel the need to tell someone, including family, unless my sexuality is relevant to conversations I am having.

 

If it's worth anything, I have a similar relationship with my dad in ways. Instead of me leaving him, my parents actually recently separated, and I'm not particularly motivated to maintain a relationship with him, though we very sporadically keep in contact (holidays and the like, mostly out of implicit social obligation).

I've come out to my mom and brother, and not yet to my dad... though I probably will soon too. To me, I don't care if he does or doesn't know, like you. In some of his tirades at me he's gone on about how unsuccessful I would be or how I would fail out of school and etc etc etc... so in a sense, coming out to him (and being happy with myself) is a small way of proving him wrong, to me at least.

And even though I say I don't care whether he knows or not... if I know he knows, then I can go on living the rest of my life ever having to wonder if he's heard (not that it matters, but I'd rather him find out on my terms than other terms).