What Does It Feel Like?

[pinklov3ly]

To be truly bisexual? When I first came out, I came out as bisexual, but throughout the years I realized that I am indeed a lesbian. I cannot be in a relationship with a man; I believe only a woman has the key to my heart . I label myself as a biromantic lesbian, but I'm starting to think I'm bisexual I know that sexual behavior doesn't really dictate sexual orientation; I'm a 5 on the Kinsey scale and according to the scale, a 5 is considered to be bisexual . http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

I can picture myself being with a woman, sleeping and waking up next to her...I don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore, I think a few homophobic slurs got to me and now, I'm just afraid of the unknown all over again. Ugh! Just when I thought things were getting better

[Ianthe]

Alfred Kinsey was a hard science guy, not a social science guy, so for him, it was all about concrete behaviors, and the Kinsey scale reflects that. The Kinsey scale is useful in helping people to understand sexuality as a spectrum, but it's not necessarily the best thing to rely on in identity formation. Behaviors were classified as heterosexual and homosexual, and Kinsey and his associates assigned the numbers on the scale based on how much of each type of behavior a subject reported.

Most people today use the Kinsey scale looking at their desire and attraction, rather than at behaviors. But even so, the Kinsey numbers are associated with clinical definitions of homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual, and these are not precisely the same as social identity constructs like "gay," "lesbian," or "straight." When "bisexual" is used as an identity, it should be understood a little differently than when it is being used clinically as in the Kinsey scale.

The variety in human beings is vast--no two people are identical, not even so-called identical twins. But it is still useful and meaningful to us to form cultural identities that link us to others who are similar to us, both people today and people in history. Doing so allows us to see our own stories reflected in the lives of other people. It makes it possible for us to acknowledge and validate the part of ourselves that constitutes the similarity.

In selecting how you identify, don't think so much about nit-picky details regarding your attractions. You'll just drive yourself crazy that way. Look instead to see what identity you can most identify with. What resonates with you, where do you see the story of your life reflected?

This can be difficult at first, because at first we often have a lot of misconceptions about LGBT identities, based on stereotypes and the perceptions of outsiders. (I'm thinking now of my own experience as a very feminine lesbian, and the difficulty I've often seen masculine gay men have in identifying with gay culture at first as well.) But as we grow more familiar with the community, we are able to find our places in it.

As a Kinsey 5, someone with only "incidental" attraction to men, I think that you will probably ultimately find the most meaning in a lesbian identity. I think that you already feel that way for the most part. But if you're questioning it, it might make sense to do some reading about bisexual women, and their stories and history, and see if it resonates with you. (Just as an aside, I'm pretty sure that virtually all Kinsey 1s identify as straight. Just sayin.)

[alwayshope11]

Ianthe..what a great, insightful post!

[Ianthe]

Originally Posted by alwayshope11

Ianthe..what a great, insightful post!

Thanks!

[LailaForbidden]

To be truly bisexual? Y'know... its strange... i tried so hard to just be gay. I couldn't handel the raw hatred toward bisexuals (especially from the gay community) that i'd seen around the web. But these feelings about men kept pushing into my thoughts, as if i were possessed. They wouldn't let my mind be at rest. These thoughts, they felt disgusting even as they felt good. And when i thought about it honestly, i hated the thought of being restricted to one gender for the rest of my life. So, while i was questioning, i forced myself to fantasize about men to "test" myself and it indeed worked. I was still in denial for awhile because i had such a strong attraction to women. I love everything about them and i could imagine things with women that i couldn't about men. Never. So, i reasoned that i must just be gay. But the fact remained that i could enjoy the thought of having sex with them. I think thats what it comes down to for me. Eventually, i had to face the truth. I love women, but i also i like men.

Naturally, i'm still working on being happy about it. Good luck! and remember: society's labels and sentiments do not define you. Everything you feel is natural.

[littlebear133]

It's my opinion that sexuality is fluid. Some may be further to one side or the other, so the fluidity of you sexually attraction may not seem to affect you as much as it would for someone in the middle. I identify as straight, but there are some days where I just can't stop looking at guys and if the right guy came up and put out some mean game, that identity might change.

[pinklov3ly]

Thanks everyone for the advice, it's been really driving me crazy lately. I know it's just a label, but I've been telling myself I could be bisexual, but it just feels so wrong. And I know there isn't anything wrong with being bisexual because I have a friend who is bisexual. When I hear her talk about men, I look at her like, I can't relate to how she feels about men. There's actually a movie about Alfred Kinsey, I believe it's called Kinsey. It's been a while since I've seen it, but it was a good movie.

I think I'm giving myself a hard time because of someone else's opinion. It took me forever to become comfortable with who I am; all the progress I've made thus far has been washed away in a matter of minutes.

[Ianthe]

Originally Posted by pinklov3ly

Thanks everyone for the advice, it's been really driving me crazy lately. I know it's just a label, but I've been telling myself I could be bisexual, but it just feels so wrong. And I know there isn't anything wrong with being bisexual because I have a friend who is bisexual. When I hear her talk about men, I look at her like, I can't relate to how she feels about men.

That's what I mean. Overall, you just don't relate. What would be the point of adopting an identity you don't identify with?

Also, based on your picture, you are pretty feminine. Other people will read you as feminine, at any rate. Don't let anyone tell you that your femininity is in conflict with your sexuality; if that's why they don't think you are "gay enough," ignore them. (Actually, ignore them regardless of why the think you aren't gay enough. It's not their place.)

[Zontar]

Picture an item which is sold with either one wire or the other on the inside cut at the factory. The company does this for market segmentation, so you only buy one product or the other.

Now picture how pleasantly surprised you are when you take it out of the box and it does the things both models do because they forgot to cut one of the wires on the assembly line. You get double what you paid for and feel special for having it.

That's kind of what it's like. :s

[Dolphinkid]

That was extremely hard to follow^
Just saying.

Uh. Let's see, have you ever had a crush on a guy, or a weird attraction/connection to one, have you ever fallen for a guys eyes. Could you immagine eh, doing stuff with one?
I ran out of questions but I think you get the point :P