Just need to get this out there.

I dont have anyone i can say this to. im hoping writing this here will atleast help me even if im sharing it to anonymous people on the internet.

long story short. i fell in love with my best friend. weve known each other for four years (met during travels) and have traveled together since weve met.

not sure if anyone here has backpacked and traveled for months and in some cases a year. but spending that much time together, you form a special bond. our mutual friends call us an old married couple by how we act.

hes really a good guy. and it just sucks that i started having these feelings for him. and even though i know he loves me too, its not the same love i have for him. we recently got back from a trip together backpacking for 2 months.. hes still traveling and im at home.

IM REALLY DEPRESSED.. lethargic. i dont go out and lay in bed all the time. not like me at all.

we usually talk everyday on skype or through fb.. about our day. etc. he talks about the new friends he meets and i get jealous. i get angry. i get depressed. he has no clue.

i want to cut off contact with him because of the feelings i have. but after coming across this forum i realized its not his problem. hes a good guy. a good friend. and its just something i have to deal with.

im sure alot of people are in this situation. for me it like rubbing salt in the wound everytime we talk.

it would be a lot easier to just cut off contact but it wouldnt be fair to him. he doesnt deserve it.

thanks for listening.:bang:

 

thanks for the response lance. yeah hes straight. but so was i until i met him. so what does mean? hahah it just sucks. youve been there so you know its pretty much like torture right?

 

well i have to admit that when i was in primary school i did do some things with friends. but its just play. and up until now ive just had girlfriends. im not the kind of person that qualifies/quantify? myself into gay or straight. Im not attracted to alot of people ive realized and when i fall in love i dont think it matters if its a guy or girl. this time it just happens to be my best friend. hahah im not freaked out. just hurt.

but to me love is love.

 

well im not sure if he is 100% straight.. are any of us? (wrong question to ask here i guess =])

haha yeah he is cool with the married couple notion. he both laugh about it. like i said we are very close. were both very physical but not to any sexual capacity.

ive have considered several times to tell him about my feelings about him. just say that i love him. btw ive actually i said i love him and he said he he loves me back. but we always say it a buddy type way. theres a bit of a language barrier since hes polish. and catholic. (he goes to church every sunday even when we are traveling) so even if he is bi then the point is still mute..

ive written several letters ive never sent.. i think when or if i do tell him it would have to be face to face.. im confused. just get a message from him saying he misses me and asked whether i wanted to visit him for christmas. hahah this situation is f*cked up. but funny

---------- Post added 11th Aug 2012 at 12:49 AM ----------

im hurt cause i know nothing can happen. hes never going to leave poland and hes never going to go against his religion. like i said i know him. if i tell him. i know how he will react. he will the good guy he always is and be very open and accepting. we will still be friends but nothing will happen. im not sure if his religion will come into play. the only time we argue is when we talk about religion.. so who knows. it might ruin our friendship.

 

he does have strong opinions about Catholicism. and no hes not shy at all. hahah im not sure whether its just his personality. some people are just physical. like me. and hes very friendly.

i dont doubt we are close and yes we have a strong bond. yes we are Kumpels (its what we call each other)

im going to see him again this christmas i think. if im going to tell him id rather it be face to face. it will be akward since i would be staying with him.. if the answer is no ill be trapped hahah literally .

i did want to send the letter. just to get it over with and move on.. but face to face is better.

---------- Post added 11th Aug 2012 at 01:07 AM ----------

..i just wanted to add that when i got back and depressed everytime we talked.. i decided to write him a letter saying that i was going to be "gone" for a while and need some time away from him.

his response was that he was confused and hurt and didnt understand why. he said that he would respect my request for some space but wouldnt gaurantee that he wouldnt try to get in contact within a couple of days.

i dont get it..

 

thanks GDUSA. i gotta say this forum does help. Ill hold on until next time i see him. if the feelings are still there then fine.. if not then that alright too. hes my best friend and i dont want to lose him.

weve seen each other naked (like i said were not shy) communal showers and weve even shared the same bed. (i feel i can be completely honest since this is anon and hopefully adults) there is no question that there is physical attraction on both sides. im just not sure whether a relationship would be possible.

---------- Post added 11th Aug 2012 at 01:32 AM ----------

yes hes the best which is the reason why i feel this way. hahha hes just a really good guy.

i grew up catholic also but im not practicing like him. he lives with his mum. ive visited his home 3 times now so his family knows me well.

i know hes a keeper. if i do tell him. i just hope his religious convictions arent that set in stone

 

Update: Broken Heart.

so i finally told him today. he told me he met someone. after our last trip he kept traveling and met someone in chicago. i cant believe it! i feel numb. spent the last three hours walking around like a zombie. i just feel numb. i just want to sleep and never get out of bed.

 

thanks jvn. yeah the situation is just messed up. it hurts that he doesnt feel the same way about me. and add insult to injury he met a GUY! (his first guys btw) right after we parted.

 

thanks lance. it does make me feel better somewhat to know how he feels. but i still feel like shit. i told him that i needed some time away from him (not that he would care) i just need to get over it.

the thing is he is still a good guy. and i would hate to lose him as a friend. but right now i think hes a prick of the highest caliber.