1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need a break!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Silvails52, Aug 11, 2012.

  1. Silvails52

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2012
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ithaca, NY
    Normally I don't let my feelings get the better of me. I usually don't get upset or angry. But today, every little thing was riding on me. My parents and sister have been telling me I spend too much time on the computer. A lot of the time, I'm here, but I can't tell them. Some of the time I'm on Facebook, talking to my friends about what's been happening to me. They don't know I'm gay and I can't tell them. I can't tell them anything that's been happening to me lately. I wish I could tell them. I wish I could explain what I'm feeling and why I get so crabby.

    I've seen more drama this summer than I had before. It's all starting to get to me. I used to be able to talk to a friend face to face But I moved and I can only IM or text them. That doesn't help as much as really talking. Sure, I have Skype, but I can't say anything out loud. My family can't find out I'm gay. Not yet, at least. They wouldn't handle it well and I'm going off to college next Friday. I'm so afraid they'll react badly enough that they'll cut my tuition. Not to mention my sister is pretty homophobic. All of them are strongly Christian and I don't think they could handle me being gay. They view any homosexual romance as disgusting and sinful.

    Today, I was feeling crabby from lack of sleep and my sister kept pestering me every time I opened my laptop. Bothering me, asking, no, demanding if I was going on Facebook. I wanted to scream at her, telling her I couldn't deal with what I was going through alone. I needed my friends and Facebook was the best way I could talk to them. With my family not knowing about me, that's pretty much the only way I could communicate with them. I had moved three hours away from everyone I know.

    Today, I was feeling so upset, and I wanted to just melt down. But I couldn't anywhere near them. That would provoke lots of questions I can't answer truthfully. And if I did answer, it would take a while for me to make something up that seems possible. They would see right through that. I did break down a little, but it was in my room, away from all of them. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to put up with it all before I melt down in front of them. Hopefully, I'll last until next Friday. That's when I move into college.

    It's just been so stressful for me. All the feelings and emotions are stuck inside of me. I can't let them out the way I need to. I don't have any friends in the area and there's no way for me to go down to see the ones I do know. There's no way for me to let everything out that I've been feeling. I'm just so down right now. And there's almost no way to bring me back up.
     
  2. Bobbgooduk

    Bobbgooduk Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (*hug*)

    Do they think you are missing out on things you could be doing with them (your family) or are they just bugging you because you "seem to be wating your time" on the computer?

    If you've moved fairly recently, you'll be missing your network of casual friends as well as your close friends you relied on when you'd had a bad day. It just isn't the same to do it by Facebook.

    Have you made any new friends yet, or is it too early to say that you trust anyone enough?
     
  3. TheSilverRay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2012
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Durban, South Africa
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey, I'm going through the same situation.. I repress alotta things, I find myself not knowing how to let it out, my family is homophobic, society around here is still all hoo-haa about it, especially if you're black, you're basically hated if you're openly gay -- I'm still in the closet.
    I sometimes think of the future; how will I ever let my family know, how would they feel about, what will everyone else think, how will my life change, will I be disowned, etc.
    These thoughts are forever in my mind, they're starting to make me a miserable person, the older I get, the more I feel pressured, the more hectic things get, it just piles up..
    I find myself wanting to be alone, but when I'm alone, I want to be with people, I get depressed easily, I'm now short-tempered, something that kinda shocks me as I could control my moods easily.

    Someday, all will be bright, even if it doesn't seem so today, sometimes, we have to make decisions that'll hurt others - be it selfish, but its ironic too - in order to be who we are, in that, meaning, whilst liberating ourselves, we also, liberate others close to us, no matter how much it hurts.
     
  4. Bobbgooduk

    Bobbgooduk Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sorry you're feeling a bit sad, Silver(*hug*)
     
  5. Silvails52

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2012
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ithaca, NY
    No, I haven't met anyone. And my family thinks I'm wasting my time. They don't know all the drama I've been facing and I can't explain it to them. Facebook is really my only outlet and it hurts that they want to take it away.

    Silver, I know exactly how you feel. (*hug*) Our situations seem pretty similar.
     
  6. Bobbgooduk

    Bobbgooduk Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You're 18 - aren't you a bit old for them to take something important like that away?

    If it bugs thems so much, perhaps you should get sneaky
     
  7. Silvails52

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2012
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ithaca, NY
    I am a bit too old. My mother still seems to think I'm in elementary school. I'm still her little boy who needs to be taught.

    What else could I tell them?
     
  8. Bobbgooduk

    Bobbgooduk Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sorry to have to break this to you, but you will ALWAYS be a child to them.

    It can't help if your sister joins in too! How old is she? Too old for Facebook?
     
  9. Silvails52

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2012
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ithaca, NY
    She's 15. She uses Facebook a lot too. But her problem is she's so persistent! No matter what you tell her, she'll pester you until she either A: gets bored of debating (which hasn't happened so far) or B: You cave in and tell her.
     
  10. Bobbgooduk

    Bobbgooduk Guest

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2012
    Messages:
    608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's what sisters are for!
     
  11. Silvails52

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2012
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ithaca, NY
    Using that tactic, she got out of me my first gay crush. Her reaction was not pretty. She printed out an entire website listing the reasons why Christians can't be gay. She cried, saying she was so worried about me and wondering if I would go to heaven.