Am I Gay? please help

First off, welcome to EC!

Secondly, don't forget that sexuality isn't binary. You could be any degree of bisexual too. It isn't as "black and white" as straight or gay.

Labels are also not the be-all, end-all of sexuality either (though they help a lot of people). So let's slow down a second and forget about labels. Instead, let's look at your attractions. You said you don't get aroused by gay porn, but what about straight porn? If you do get aroused by straight porn, are you looking at the guy or the girl?

Or we can even switch gears again. Next time you're walking down the street or running errands, make a note of who catches your eye - is it the guys or the girls? Your attractions don't have to be strictly sexual either.

I know it seems really big and daunting, but it doesn't have to be. Just try and put this all on the backburner for a little while and just make note of where your attractions lie. I'd love to give you a definite answer, but none of us can do that; only you can truthfully answer who you're attracted to.

Also, I just wanted to say congrats on quitting smoking. I know it seems hard, but try your hardest not to turn back to it just because you're feeling overwhelmed with thoughts. If it's tricky enough sorting all these thoughts out with a clear head, I can't even imagine how much harder it'd be if you can't think straight (no pun intended).

 

First of all good job for quitting. I know it can be hard, there are people in my school who I've supported through quitting.

Sexuality isn't black and white. Think of it like a blur with homosexuality sitting at one end, hetero. sitting at another, and bi (or pan.) sitting in the middle. It's impossible for anyone here to know what you are. Only you can answer that (I know, not the answer you wanted)

If I had to guess I would say you are somewhere between bi and hetero. You could also just be bi curious.

You said when you were younger you imagined kissing your guy friends. Depending how young you were this could've just been your hormones wanting some action. But it's hard to tell.

I reiterate, only you know. I would suggest spend some quality time with guys, with girls, and take it from there!

(btw this is coming from someone who's never been in this situation, and has not much experience to give.)

Good luck!!!!!

 

You don't really sound all that gay to me at all. It seems like you really enjoy women and haven't mentioned guys much at all. I don't think you have anything to worry about. If anything you could just be a hetero-leaning bisexual.

 

Yeah, it does sound like you're over thinking things a little. Let me put it this way to you: If you can fap to it, you're into it. Can you look at a guy and think he's cute or hot? Do you feel any attraction at all?

 

I am in a similar boat, questioning my sexuality... I have considered myself bicurious mainly because I've never done anything remotely sexual w/ anyone male or female.. My best friend is the only one who knows this... Lately I have been feeling much stronger feelings/urges towards women. I have had crushes on guys and I have watched porn, both girl on girl and guy/girl.. I find myself being drawn to the woman when watching guy/girl, and then forcing myself to not be watching the girl as much... I do also get crushes on women, and being jealous of their girlfriends (all my current crushes are gay). I haven't told anyone in my family what I'm going through because they won't understand. Plus w/ the exception of my sisters, mother, and a few cousins I have a feeling my family will not accept me if I am gay.

 

Are you talking about hurting yourself in some way? If so, how often are you having these feelings? Just wanted to check.

If nothing else, try to focus on the immediate situation you're dealing with - true, you're having trouble questioning, but it sounds like you have an amazing supporter in your girlfriend, especially if she's willing to discuss this with you and is assuring you she'll stick by you. Try not to feel too guilty about talking to her - it may feel like you're being a burden, but if she cares about you and wants to help you, she won't mind. If you feel like you really need to, just tell her to let you know if it gets to be too much for her.

As for your reactions to porn, kissing, and so forth, I'm not surprised that you seem to be finding little joy in some of these things, as it sounds like the subject of sexuality has become associated with a lot of anxiety for you. On the other hand, this is ok - not everbody needs to be craving sex 24/7. In fact, there will be many times in almost every person's life when they don't want to have any sex or are at least unsure about it.

So, you've mentioned your girlfriend. What about other influences in your life? If you were gay (and this is just hypothetical right now), what do you think the reactions of your family and friends would be like? I'm just wondering if there's an outside source - or a possible one - of the anxiety you're feeling.

Again, try to just stick to the support you're being offered from someone who cares about you - and do keep posting, or talking to someone, if you feel like hurting yourself.

 

So this might be a bit out there for you, but I am bi. Maybe you are attracted to the strength of men and the opportunity to be more or less submissive. You are sexually attracted to women, but have you ever thought about working through some of this issue with a trusted girl friend of yours? having her dominate/roleplay with you. all judgement aside it helped me in some of my issues, there are plenty of safe ways to explore a different side of your sexuality with toys. You don't have to live a lie and or be ashamed of what does it for you. Just saying, it might help.good luck

 

God, I know what you mean when you say you're stuck in a hick town... I really can't wait for the next month and whenever else to be in Chicago for the majority of my time. I personally haven't had any experience, either. However, I do know what I'm attracted to.. well, at least a good sum of it.

As BudderMC said, there isn't any binary between "gay" or "straight". Hell, sexuality isn't really that much of a scale, either. Yes, there's the kinsey scale. Which helped me define about where I stand.

But sexuality, and even more, gender, are both more like stars in the sky. There are so many of them, types of them, stretched out in random. For example, you've got the sun, you've got the North Star, and all these others here and there that haven't even been named. With sexual orientation, you've got gay, bi, straight, and you've also got asexual, demisexual, semisexual, so many types and levels. I wondered for awhile if I was asexual. Perhaps you might fit in there, perhaps not. You'd be surprised to find out that most people actually just have their own sexual orientation. Society doesn't like to see it this way, and that's why we get called off for being attracted to who and what we are attracted to; for being who we are.

So personally, I'd say: explore what other options there may be. See if you fit here, see if you fit there. There really is no saying who belongs where. You might find other things that nobody else has seen. Questioning is definitely an interesting time in your life. You've pulled yourself into a whole different kind of thinking. Explore. That's half the fun

 

Killing yourself isn't the answer. Whatever you're going through now is only temporary. What is really bothering you?

 

Not to be insensitive, but please think of all the people who love you before doing something like that. In many ways, killing yourself is one of the most selfish things a person can do. There seems to be an underlying issue here.

 

Hi MMA3.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.

You can PM any of the staff to talk if you like.

Was there something that happened today that triggered this?