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I'm finding life difficult

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Trebormints, Aug 12, 2012.

  1. Trebormints

    Regular Member

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    Hi there...I haven't been here for about a year...since I came out to my wife and family. It's been difficult...but thankfully, still friends with my wife, and my sons are happy to hug me now.
    I've moved out of home, but I'm near enough to pop in...were finding a 'new kind of normal' for the family.
    I'm really struggling tho...I feel so crap about the pain I've given the people I love most in the world.
    I am also missing the commitment of my wife (24 years of marriage)...I often feel so alone and long to find a partner. Lol...like it can all happen so quickly.
    I am also sad that many gay couples I know have open relationships. Does anyone out there believe in loyalty and fidelity?
    I would love to here from anyone who has similar issues...I know coming out was the right and honest thing for me...I don't regret it at all.
    Could just do with some hugs...well...lots of hugs really!
    Thanks kind people.
    Rob x
     
  2. BudderMC

    Full Member

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    (*hug*)

    Well, I'm glad to hear that things are going better for you, at least family-wise. It'll definitely take some time to adjust, but it seems that everyone's settling in nicely.

    Stop beating yourself up. It's not like you intentionally caused people pain. I'm sure if everyone's associating with you, they can't be that offended. It seems everyone else has moved on. There's no sense in hanging onto the past; it's already over and done with, right?

    Have you tried getting involved with groups, LGBT or otherwise? Finding activities for people with common interests is a good way to start making new friends (or maybe even find love interests). If nothing else it'll give you something to keep you busy and take your mind off your worries.

    Hold your head up though; you sound like you're well on your way to getting the life you want! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Jim1454

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

    Hi Rob. I'm glad you're back - thanks for the update!

    Finding someone to share your life with is wonderful for sure. It's important that you feel good about yourself too - otherwise you're sending out a negative vibe that others can pick up. The most attractive guys are the ones who are self confident and comfortable with who they are. Don't get me wrong - everyone has their issues. And it's important to recognize them and own them too - but be OK with them.

    Getting out to meet other people is a great idea. Are you doing that? How 'out' are you? Would your coworkers or friends be able to introduce you to other gay guys? In Toronto there is an entire support group for gay fathers - so your situation isn't that unique There might be other gay dads in exactly the same situation as you in your area. It's a matter of finding them.

    Just because many gay couples have open relationships doesn't mean they all do. You're just not meeting those couples, because they're at home with each other and not out / online cruising. Mine isn't an open one, and the other gay couple we're friends with is the same.

    So what have you been doing to try to meet someone?
     
  4. 55

    55
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    Rob, I'm not sure if this will reach you any time soon, but there is a growing community of men in your situation here on EC now.

    I divorced in February after a 35-year marriage and 3 kids. Other members whose threads you may want to read are Maxx, NomadicDave, Kneedragger, JimL, Tracker57, Tom100, Solost44, and altmm.

    If you check this forum from time to time, please feel free to contact any of us for the support and advice you need. We would all love to help.

    Be strong.

    55