So I made a thread about my best friend a little bit ago and you can view it here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/66921-dont-know-what-do.html#post1123460 Need to ask something new regarding her and I thought a new thread would be most appropriate. Sorry for not replying in the last thread, but thank you for your responses, Bobb and Thylvin. They were appreciated. She's not that weird.. She was just feeling really really bad that night. I sorted it out with her, and things were fine for a few days. When she's happy, she's seriously the most bubbly and alive person, and it's virtually impossible not to be ecstatic whilst you're around her. But then a few days ago she got hit by depression again aaaaand it's not going away. I know a few days isn't a very long time (it's been like a week now) but for her, her moods are pretty sporadic. She can be really happy and really down in one day. She normally doesn't have a consistent mood, good or bad, for a very long time. But, she's just so down and nothing I say will help. The thing is, I'm 100% she's gonna be happy again pretty soon. But, it still sucks, because she doesn't believe it (natural but still) and it's just horrible to see her like this. I dunno.. There's nothing I can think of. Reassurance, whilst certainly helpful for her, isn't doing te job of making her happy again. I know she will be soon but it's going to be for some trivial reason. Is it wrong of me to get angry, bitter and jealous when it always seems like its other people who make her happy? She tells me I'm the only person in the world who makes her happy and that I'm all she's got.. But that is such bullshit. I have to restrain myself from yelling at her and telling her that she has loads of friends who love her and make her happy. I know this isn't very good of me, as it's not her fault, but I get really irritated when she says "I have no friends" and then the next day she's out with her other friends, being all bubbly and loud and such. I know it's wrong, but.. I just sometimes wish I could be the one who makes her happy. You all might tell me I do in the more long term, but it's difficult to believe when t is ALWAYS, and trust me on this, someone else who gets her out of her depressions and into a happy, extroverted position. I can't tell her any of this because she'd just cry and think I hate her. I don't. I love her so much. How can I control these feelings of jealousy and acrimony? I feel like I exert SO much effort for her and I'd like just a little in return. But, it never happens. I'm glad that someone makes her happy.. I just wish it could be me..
How do you control the feelings of jealousy and acrimony? I'd say stop investing so much of yourself in this one friend and you'll stop feeling like she 'owes' you. You won't feel like you deserve some 'credit' for bringing her around. The fact of the matter is, she should be getting some professional help. And she would likely benefit from medication. (I haven't read your other thread - perhaps those details are there.) So you should encourage her to get some professional help so that it isn't just YOU that she leans on for support through the difficult times. You're right - and very understanding to acknowledge - that she can't think straight when she's depressed. I've suffered from depression as well, and when you're depressed you can't really remember what it feels like to be good. And when you're out of the depression, you don't really consider how you felt when you were down. It's like living 2 separate lives. In her case, she almost sounds bipolar. I hope she's able to get some professional help.
I suffer from depression too, which is why I understand the way she feels a lot of the time. Is professional help really that necessary? I know she doesn't like talking to people about her problems, she prefers to help others. She's so selfless, and now she's been in this state for a bit over a week, she feels that she is selfish because other people don't understand why she is depressed or how she is depressed and she can't help others like she normally does.
Look, I think it is necessary because it's useful to her to deal with why she is down so often. In March this year I went to my local doctor and they arranged an appointment for me to talk to a really love woman in St. James hospital(they even arranged a free taxi for me) and they helped me deal with some stuff. I promise you, it was the best thing I have ever done. That one chat, followed by some regular contact with my doctor and a therapist, has changed my outlook on life, my attitude and my whole demeanor. I'm a better person than I was, and, for the most part, we only talk about trivial things. I cannot recommend enough that you talk to your friend about seeing the doctor.
She's happy again now, back to being her elated and bubbly self. I'm not gonna mention professional help when she's happy.. That would get her down again. Nevertheless, she will be down again sooner or later. Depression doesnt stop for anybody. So, I will try and ring it up then. She doesn't have a very good history with it though. And, how do I bring it up without her thinking I'm insinuating she has something wrong with her? She hates herself and thinks everything is wrong with her, but if anyone else ever tells her that, she can't deal with it.
Yeah, that's kinda hard. But you have to tell her, whether she's in a good mood or not. Being in a good mood is actually better, cause she would then think with a clearer mind. You don't tell her that there is something wrong with her. Rather do it a little differently. Tell her that you feel something is causing this. It's nothing wrong with her, but it is something in her life, someone, or something, that is causing this. To fix all of this, one needs to get to the bottom of the problem. I.E. the cause. If the cause is a mental problem, it doesn't necessarily means there is something wrong with her as per say, but it could be hormonal imbalances, chemicals in the brain that is not working correctly. That would explain the depression/happy change of moods. It could be that her body is producing either too little or too much of something in her brain. The only way to find out what is exactly wrong with her is to get her to a doctor. But I think you should tell her in a way, that she will prepare for it. Some people will deny something out right, and she'll probably deny there is something causing this. You know her much better than we do, you will know how to break this to her slowly. Some people needs time to think or accept the possibility. I think she might be a person like that. Given enough time and a few depression episodes, and she might start to agree with you into seeing someone who can help identify the cause of the problems.
