Talking about sex with my brother; a persistent double standard?

[jsmurf]

Ok, so my brother and I (although we're very different people and don't always get along well) often talk about things that we wouldn't essentially discuss with, uh, our parents.


My brother who is completely hetero loves pouring all his stories of his sexual exploits with hot chicks on me, and then complaining that he's unsatisfied with his love life. He then asks me, "let's go out tonight and chat up some girls", knowing full well that I lean more towards being gay. (maybe he's forgetful). Anyway, I always listen to him patiently and show unrestrained approval of his stories, as well as eagerly responding to his queries of whether this or that girl is hot. I don't show any restraint when he wants to talk about these things with me, although women don't arouse the same level of curiosity for me. (but they obviously dont disgust me either).


Well, whenever I muster the 'bravado' to talk about guys I find cute with my brother, his reaction is almost always, "dude, that's fucking gross. Keep these things to yourself. I'm fine with you not being straight, but you need to know your boundaries."


And I don't even get into graphic details or anything. Why this double standard?

[stumble along]

Well, he's not into guys, so of course he would find it not appealing.
You however, though more homosexually inclined, still like women, so that's mutual ground to discuss. If you were 100% gay then you may act the same way he does when he talks about girls, course I have a feeling if you were then you two would start bickering.

[jsmurf]

Yes, but it still feels horrible to be drowned out like this, and it only serves to push me back towards the closet.

[Zontar]

My brother who is completely hetero loves pouring all his stories of his sexual exploits with hot chicks on me...

You can just stop there. This is very obnoxious, whether you're gay or straight, and very rude and demeaning to people who don't do as well sexually. There is absolutely a double standard, rooted deeply in misogyny, where any form of sex worth "bragging about" is the "conquest" of straight women by straight men. Quite frankly, I couldn't think of any cultural standard that has done more damage to both men and women of all backgrounds and frankly you should bid it no serious attention. For heaven's sake, sex isn't something to brag about and rub in others' faces.

[Owen]

Have you confronted him about this and told him that he's blatantly having a double standard, and that if you can't talk about it with him, he can't talk about it with you? Because if you haven't, I think it's high time you do.

Originally Posted by Zontar

You can just stop there. This is very obnoxious, whether you're gay or straight, and very rude and demeaning to people who don't do as well sexually. There is absolutely a double standard, rooted deeply in misogyny, where any form of sex worth "bragging about" is the "conquest" of straight women by straight men. Quite frankly, I couldn't think of any cultural standard that has done more damage to both men and women of all backgrounds and frankly you should bid it no serious attention. For heaven's sake, sex isn't something to brag about and rub in others' faces.

I agree completely.

[Pinstripe]

Originally Posted by Zontar

You can just stop there. This is very obnoxious, whether you're gay or straight, and very rude and demeaning to people who don't do as well sexually. There is absolutely a double standard, rooted deeply in misogyny, where any form of sex worth "bragging about" is the "conquest" of straight women by straight men. Quite frankly, I couldn't think of any cultural standard that has done more damage to both men and women of all backgrounds and frankly you should bid it no serious attention. For heaven's sake, sex isn't something to brag about and rub in others' faces.

I agree with this so much. If a straight man brags about his conquests, that's acceptable, but if a woman does it, she's a slut, and if a gay man does it, that's disgusting? Gimme a break. -_-

[Gravity]

I'm all in favor of confronting him about this. Whether he realizes it or not (and he very well may not, especially if he doesn't try to think about things from your perspective), it is pretty clearly a double standard.

Feel free to turn his own words around on him too. I'd go for "Dude, that's fucking gross. Keep these things to yourself. I'm fine with you not being gay, but you need to know your boundaries."

[jsmurf]

Yes but he doesnt care and calls me a nerd (or alternately, compares me to our strict 90 year old babushka) when I bring up my lack of interest in his small talk about 'bitches.'

It's as if Im being too rigid in my ways if I dont play along... Worse yet, ive been conditioned to respond passively like this almost subconsciously. It's like being imprisoned. It's bad enough that my parents are in denial and want me to find a wife. (FML)

---------- Post added 13th Aug 2012 at 02:43 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Pinstripe

I agree with this so much. If a straight man brags about his conquests, that's acceptable, but if a woman does it, she's a slut, and if a gay man does it, that's disgusting? Gimme a break. -_-

Sigh.

[PianoNate]

[QUOTE=Zontar;1134195]

sex isn't something to brag about and rub in others' faces.

What???!!! **looking for another bragging commodity**

In any case jsmurf, you've got to confront him about the double standard. It's the only way to get the respect you deserve from him. It's possible he doesn't understand how uncomfortable it's made you feel. And he loves you ... well, probably .. he IS an older brother!! He just needs someone to teach him some manners is all!

[zeratul]

Straight or gay, tell him that he's objectifying women and being a chauvinistic sexist man-pig and the way he talks about women's body and ignoring her intelligence and personality with such disrespect is disgusting and we don't live in the medieval times.