Handling gay jokes by friends

Are you out to him?

Just tell him sincerely that you really don't like it so to try and keep it to a minimum

 

Sad thing is you can't really change another person's behaviour, you can only change how you react to other people. I can totally see where you are coming from and I know how annoying or aggravating it can be.

I'm sure the jokes that he is saying aren't from malice or a place of anger. Maybe try taking him aside again and tell him you really don't appreciate his behavior, if he still doesn't want to change maybe you should find somebody else to hang out with. You don't have to completely drop contact with him, but if it bothers you that much I wouldn't be around him so much.

 

I'm not out to change your perception of slang, jokes, and derogotory terms for homosexuality. But, I will offer that sometimes it's easier to only look at the surface and be offended. To me, jokes say "your sexuality doesn't make a difference to me." - which is what I want from my straight friends.

When my straight best friend (who I very emotionally came out to just a few months ago) saw my new Mark Nason boots and exclaims "Does Elton John know you have his boots?!" or when I fart and he sniffs the air asking "Is that strawberry KY?" or the other day when he was talking about an "adorable puppy" and I muttered 'faggot' - we laugh hysterically.

In my opinion, you have to take the context of the joke and the intent of the person saying it before you can take an action. Now, if your friends joking truely does offend you (especially if it's meant to hurt and offend), you should take action. If so, have a heart-to-heart talk with him and explain how it's painful to hear and that you're trying to overcome a stereotype and he's not helping. Otherwise, take the joking for what it probably is and feel good that you're accepted.

 

Well, they say if you can't beat them, join them. In this case I would. But instead of you cracking gay jokes or saying something is gay, turn it around, crack some hetro jokes or say something is typical hetro or something in that line.

The thing is, you've told him already (on several accounts by the sound of it) that you don't like it. So if he doesn't want to, you have to turn the lemon into an apple and throw it back to him. You'll see pretty soon he will want to come to an agreement, you don't crack hetro jokes and he don't crack gay jokes.

 

Since I'm pretty much in the closet, no one really knows I'm bi. In addition, very few people know that my kids are black (I'm white).

If I reacted to every gay or racist remark I heard, I'd probably be in jail.

I've learned that if it's a close friend, you need to say something if it bothers you. If it's a stranger, you need to move on. It isn't worth the effort to change closed minds.

 

When I came out to my friends they first watched their tongues pretty well but occasionally they would "mistreat" my sexuality. I know pretty well they're accepting so I just told them to feel free for gay jokes as I usually manage to counter on almost every joke. But it is only my friends I accept this jokes from, everyone else I get pissed off pretty quickly.
It may be hard to make allowances on this level because it affects your personality pretty much no matter if you are bi, gay or whatever. To you it's the "non-heterosexual community" he's refering to and you count yourself among them.
I'm sure he will understand better if you introduce the community to him as a whole and not just as separate parts he'll understand better.

btw: keep in mind that being part of a minority may be helpful sometimes