So I'm going on a first date with a guy I've liked for a long time. It's the first good thing that's happened to me in seven months. But it's not like it's cured the blues I've had the past seven months. I've been pretty close to rock bottom -- suicide -- but for the time being have decided to give it a little time and not to be so rash. My emotions are out of whack, I can't think straight, I don't eat, hardly sleep, wake up to massive anxiety attacks and have no friends in town. When friends do see me (rarely), I tend to act anxious, whiny, needy and generally not fun in general. I'm worried about this date. I'm worried about how he's three years younger than me, how he's more active, has more friends, is generally more successful & happy. Do I have anything to offer? Does anyone have any tips to help me overcome my anxieties? I just need to be myself again for a few hours. Should I even date in this state of mind? Should I ever tell him in the future? I guess what I'm really asking is: how do you date when you're a manic depressive? PS. I'm on meds and seeing a counselour, neither of which are doing much. I'm trying to stay active where I can but that's not helping much either.
I generally feel it's not a good idea to start a new romantic relationship early in the mental illness recovery process. It's very easy to become codependent in that state, and to place your self-worth in your partner's love for you. Romance creates also creates a lot of new, strong feelings, both good and bad, which can be hard to deal with. More generally, have you told your provider that your meds aren't helping? How long have you been seeing your counselor?
I'm a firm believer in the notion that you should not date until you are mentally and physically able to take care of yourself and be independent. That way you can enter the relationship healthy and without that kind of baggage. It's not fair to you or the person you are dating. I know it's hard to follow this rule, but it's something to consider. Only you can gauge where you stand with your depression and what direction it is headed in. Personally, I don't want to start dating again until I have a related drug and sleeping problem figured out. I don't want it to become someone else's problem. How can I take care of someone else when I can't take care of myself? Hope this helps!
I don't think that it would be a good idea. I'm also dealing with anxiety and depression right now and as much as I would love to have a boyfriend, it wouldn't be fair to him. Most days I'm pretty much a basket case and I would bring way too much baggage with me and I'd likely just end up hurt. I'm a firm believer that you need to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself (things I'm not) before you can ask others to. I would focus on you for now, get a healthy check on your emotions and then worry about a relationship. Now to attempt to follow my own advice.
I also tend to agree with the other posters. I have had bouts with depression and feeling worthless, and from my experience I think you need to learn to love yourself and be okay with yourself until you can have a healthy relationship with another person. You could have a relationship with this person but I don't think it will be an emotionally healthy one, sometimes we do things in relationships without realizing how unhealthy our behaviour can be sometimes. You should try to focus on making yourself healthy both physically and mentally.
I've been seeing a counselour for two months now. I'm on my second "type" of anti-depressant because the first one did nothing. I haven't mentioned my date to my counselour, I don't see him for about another week. The therapy hasn't been all that helpful. I'm not sure there's much he can say or strategies he can suggest to comfort me. Well, another problem is that this is pretty much my only chance to date this boy. He's been the diamond in the rough for me and he had a pretty massive crush on me too, apparently. We met about a year before my depressive episode. But my woe isn't stemmed from my love life, or lack thereof, nor my sexuality or any of those issues. Does that help at all? lol. Maybe you guys are right and I shouldn't invest too much into this... but I'm still on the fence. And if I do take things forward, should I try to stay distant? Keep it casual? Shoot up morphine ? Thanks for the advice so far.
Hate to say it, but if your depression stems from a lack of a love life, dating right now is an even worse idea. It means that you're even more likely to base your sense of self-worth on this guy's affection for you, even more likely to become codependent, even more likely to center your life on him rather than yourself. None of which are healthy. It often takes several tries to find the right medication. I've been on five different anti-depressants with varying degrees of success. And I still recommend talking to your therapist about his technique.
