I mentioned before that I like older, bigger guys. I never liked bars, but considering the size of my town that may be a new choice I take. There is a bar that caters to this demagraphic, but I'm too scared to go in it for a big reason. The bar is next door to a "resort" that is known for being like a "neo-bath house" of sorts. The bar is where members often times go. It is also the only bar that caters to the type I really like. I'm scared to venture into it, because I'm not a big person (I'm 5'9" and 150 pounds) and could probably be taken down in a second. Plus I'm a timid and shy person. The only other choice I have are sites and apps; and so far those have done nothing.
Well, I think you already listed everything I was going to suggest. If you're set on having a specific "type" of guy, you've gotta be on the lookout specifically for them. So that means going where they go (the bear bar), or using another method that restricts your results (like apps and dating). What is it about the bar that you're scared of going in for? I've got no personal experience, but I'm guessing so long as you aren't stirring up trouble I don't think you're going to get beaten on just for walking in a bear bar if you aren't a bear. Well, maybe someone else can confirm that. At least I'd hope something stupid like that doesn't actually happen. As for the resort, there's nothing that says because you go to the bar you have to go to the resort, right? I think if you're going to go and you're scared, it may do you some good to let someone else know where you're going. You could say you'll send them a text or something by a certain time to indicate you're okay, and if they don't hear from you to go looking or call the police or something. That said, if you tell them you're going just with the intent of going to the bar, you can make sure they'll keep you in check if you get swayed to go to the resort (or go home with somebody); something that you aren't necessarily comfortable with under normal circumstances, but might be a little more willing to do in the "heat of the moment". Or, even better, bring a friend with you. Preferably someone a little larger than you so you can feel more secure.
Let me rephrase "taken down in a second". I don't mean beaten up, but rather taken advantage of. Either way, thanks for the advice!
You have nothing to worry about. I'm 5'11 and 145 lbs, so more lanky than you, while I was on vacation in NYC I checked out the gay scene there, and went to several bars. One of them was catering to older guys, bears, and big muscular guys. The people there were nice and friendly and the look is nothing like the personality you'd expect.
Well I'm one of those big muscular guys that you would see there 5'10 225lbs, many of us are more friendly then many of the smaller gay guys! don't let looks intimidate or fool you...If we are interested in you sexually we would let you know in a friendly way, flirting a soft pat on the back....or butt? and probably initiate some friendly conversation...we are not going to grab you and throw you down and rape you! your worrying too much...
Ah, I see. Well, I think what I said still applies pretty well: just consider telling someone you're going before you go. Like others said, you're not going to be pinned down and raped in the middle of the bar or anything like that, but if things are progressing too far forward too quickly and you're not sure how to say no to that (or worse, they're not accepting your rejection), having that "friend" on the other end of the phone proves to be a good lifeline. They can call and be some "dying aunt" or something that you need to go see in an emergency, or if worse comes to worst they can come help you out or call the authorities. I think in general it just provides a good safety net if you're feeling worried, and it also doesn't have to just apply to "bear bars", but pretty much anytime you're going out somewhere alone and you think there's a legitimate risk.
I have the opposite problem. Over the past few years I've become sort of a cub in my physical build (distinctive from "chub") and am now dissuaded from entering a twink bar (if such a thing even exists, LOL) because I'm worried that the specific type of guys I'm most attracted to will flat-out reject or negatively evaluate me. :icon_sad:
From what I've heard bears are supposed to be friendlier and less 'bitchy' than most gay men. No idea if there's any truth in it or not, it's a stereotype but a positive one for once.
