Coming out to the ones I desperately want to...

[Hawthorne]

So I have been quite quiet out my sexuality because in my opinion to others it doesn't matter and shouldn't matter. I have recently come out to a large portion of people somewhere around 10-15 total in the last 2 months. Basically all went alright and nothing else matters other than we are friends(thank god) and that they said they wouldn't bring it out unless I told them it was alright and for the most part that is how I want it. I do not necessarily want everyone to know what my feelings are towards individuals and such I mean it's my attraction not theirs. Though I have run into a situation, the people I want to tell most are the ones I am most afraid to tell.. See I grew up in a christian household and it was not okay to be gay and that if I am which they have to know by now I mean really I act super fabulous all the time. Any who about the background I want to tell my friends from church but I know what will happen but I kinda just want them to know and to get it done and over with but I do not have the confidence to put that out there because if I do it will surely come back to my family and I know it won't make them look bad but I know people will think less of them for it even though it should be a non-issue. I just am unsure and lacking the guts to take it further.... Half way just writing this out to get my thoughts out and to get a little advice, oh and my parents they do not know as far as I know and I try to put on a good show and to be "myself" around them which makes me sick and just kinda recluse away from everything. Should I : Should I not, Either way there is a "loser" and I just am not sure what to do in this situation and just want to get through it.

[sanguine]

Its gonna take alot of guts, I think we love to think of the worst possible scenario when its not like that at all, it probably wont be a great experience but everyone is different.

I think if you grew up in a very close family like I did then you're probably thinking too much about the bad things, sure religion is a BIG factor, but at the end of the day your parents/family love you, even if thats not the word you would describe that closeness, if anything they would be like my parents and try to 'fix' something that isnt even broken.

My Dads still stuck in this delusion that Im confused, my Mum is getting there, my siblings are really accepting except for my older brother, he can unintentionally be a dick sometimes, my sexual preference is a forbidden topic at home but thats ok, Im comfortable and Ive already told everyone who is important.